Disclaimer: I own neither anything belonging to Buffy nor anything belonging to Stargate: SG1. I'm making no money from this. Also posted on ff.net and at Twisted Shorts for Aug Ficathon.
Author's notes: This is off-canon everywhere; Xander's been the to Air Force Academy, and not had his eye put out, apparently. Set somewhere in Stargate where Hammond's still in charge, Jack is still a Colonel, and Sam is still a Major.
Also an answer to Challenge #399, issued by Teri in July '04. Couldn't figure out how to link it...it's late...
Answer the Question, Lieutenant!
“I’m assigning a new recruit to SG1 for an undetermined length of time,” General Hammond announced as he walked from his office into the briefing room. SG1 stood at attention as soon as he appeared. “As you know, we’ve been ordered to expand the SGC as quickly and effectively as possible, and I feel that mixing the recruits with clearly seasoned teams is the best tactic.”
Colonel Jack O’Neill nodded. “Yes, General, we understand that. I think it sounds like a great idea, but…”
General Hammond shook his head slightly as he took his seat. “But what, Colonel?”
Jack cleared his throat as he and the rest of the team sat down. “But don’t you think that you could skip sending someone out with us? We, the four of us, I mean, work best as…well, the four of us.”
Daniel Jackson decided Jack needed a hand. “What Jack’s trying to say is that we have a dynamic that is really—“
“These are orders coming from the President, Colonel, not just me,” the general interrupted. “Lieutenant A.L. Harris will be joining you starting with your mission to P8X-797 tomorrow morning, to commence at 0800.”
General Hammond nodded to the airman guarding the door to the corridor. The airman opened the door and a tall, broad-shouldered, dark-haired lieutenant walked in. He walked up to the table and saluted stiffly.
“Lieutenant A. L. Harris, reporting as ordered, General.”
General Hammond returned the salute. “Take a seat, Lieutenant. We’re just about to begin the mission briefing.”
Jack rolled his eyes at Sam, whose mouth quirked up in a slight smile. “Before we begin, General, if I may?” the major asked, tilting her head at the lieutenant. The general nodded his consent.
“What does the ‘A’ stand for, Lieutenant?” Sam asked calmly, though having trained this recruit herself, she knew what the answer would be.
Teal’c looked at the lieutenant. “What does the ‘L’ stand for, Lieutenant?”
To everyone’s surprise, the lieutenant blushed a bright crimson color. “I prefer not to answer that question, sir, on the grounds that it’s not my fault.”
Daniel’s eyebrows flew up almost into his hairline. “’Not your fault’? What the heck does that mean?”
Lieutenant Harris squirmed in his chair and looked to the general for assistance. General Hammond, however, was having none of it. “Answer the question, Lieutenant!”
Harris closed his eyes. “It stands for ‘Lavelle’, sirs.”
Jack snorted into his coffee. “’Lavelle’, Lieutenant? Explain, please.”
Harris sighed, resigning himself to his fate. “My father asked my mother what she wanted my middle name to be in the delivery room. Apparently, she was pretty out of it, and the music playing was something by Patti…LaBelle. My father misheard her, sirs.”
The room was silent as everyone took this in. Then Jack stood and extended his hand to his new teammate. “Welcome to the SGC, Patti. Glad to have you. Do you sing?”