Little Miss Helpful
Author's Notes: I hope you grew up reading Roger Hargreaves Little Miss and Mr. Men books. I know I did. If you did, you will recognize the writing style herein. I'm taking our beloved Buffyverse characters and transplanting them. The names used will all be Mr. Men and Little Miss names, but I hope you'll recognize the characters. If you didn't grow up on these stories, I hope you enjoy my silliness anyway.
The asterix (*) means the page is turning. Just so you know.
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated in any way with Roger Hargreaves or Joss Whedon, nor do I work for their publishers or production companies. I'm not making any profit from this.
Little Miss Helpful was one of those people who loves to help other people, but who sometimes ends up helping no one.
Do you know what I mean?
Take, for instance, the time she tried to help her girlfriend feel happier.
Little Miss Helpful's girlfriend, Little Miss Shy, was angry because Little Miss Helpful was using magic to do all of her helping.
All the time.
So Little Miss Helpful decided to help her girlfriend forget about being so angry.
Can you guess how she did it?
She used magic.
As you can imagine, Little Miss Shy was even angrier once she found out about Little Miss Helpful's magical helping.
But did this stop Little Miss Helpful?
It did not.
She tried the magic again, and this time she made everyone forget about being angry.
And about everything else!
They didn't even remember their own names.
After this, Little Miss Shy was angrier than ever.
As you can imagine.
Little Miss Helpful tried to stop her magical helping, but soon she would see another problem and try to help.
A few years ago there was a BIG problem, and Little Miss Helpful's magical helping actually worked.
She made it so that, instead of one Slayer working alone, there were hundreds of Slayers.
All over the world.
Her friends were very pleased with her, and they thanked her for helping.
Little Miss Helpful felt like she was ten feet tall!
She decided to help some more.
Little Miss Helpful looked around for a problem that she could help with.
She checked to be sure that her friends were happy enough.
But they were.
She checked to be sure that the new Slayers were being trained well enough.
But they were.
Little Miss Helpful was starting to think there were no problems for her to help with.
Just before Little Miss Helpful was about to give up, she heard a loud noise.
She went to investigate.
To see if she could help.
It was two of the new Slayers.
Now, there were so many new Slayers, that they didn't have their own rooms.
They had to share.
The noise Little Miss Helpful had heard was the noise of two young Slayers fighting over whose turn it was to control the television.
At the top of their lungs.
And the top of a Slayer's lungs is a very loud place indeed!
Little Miss Helpful looked at the fighting Slayers and decided to help.
Magically, of course.
She got her herbs and crystals.
She got her spellbooks and candles.
She was all ready to cast her helpful spell.
Little Miss Helpful lit the candles, burned the herbs, breathed on her crystal, and said some magic words, which wouldn't be magic if I told you what they were.
"There!" Little Miss Helpful said, dusting off her hands. "I'm sure that helped."
Little Miss Helpful went to see if the young Slayers were still fighting, but she didn't hear any yelling.
Only quiet murmurs.
She smiled proudly.
She loved helping!
Little Miss Helpful walked around the house where the Slayers lived, and she didn't hear any fighting or arguing or complaining from any of the girls.
She had helped even more than she'd thought.
Little Miss Helpful was having breakfast the next morning when her friends, Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Clumsy, came to see her.
She offered them some toast and coffee.
Which is what she was having for breakfast.
"We have a problem," Mr. Clumsy said, bumping into the table.
Little Miss Helpful smiled.
A problem meant she could help.
"All of the young Slayers are spending all of their time in their rooms together," said Little Miss Bossy. "I told them to come out, but they just stayed there."
"And when we looked inside," said Mr. Clumsy, "we saw that they were kissing. Each other. Which was hot, but doesn't help them patrol."
"Oops!" said Little Miss Helpful.
"What do you mean, 'Oops'?' demanded Little Miss Bossy.
"I saw the Slayers arguing, and I wanted to help them get along. So I did a spell," explained Little Miss Helpful.
"Well, it looks like they're getting along a little too well," smirked Mr. Clumsy.
"Don't worry," said Little Miss Helpful, "I can help."
Little Miss Helpful got out her herbs and crystals, spellbooks and candles.
Just like before.
She got everything ready, and she said some magic words, which wouldn't be magic if I told you what they were.
Little Miss Bossy said, "Let's go see if the spell worked."
So Little Miss Helpful, Mr. Clumsy, and Little Miss Bossy all went to see if the Slayers had stopped getting along quite so well.
When they got to the Slayer House, the three friends found a lot of young Slayers with very red faces.
But a few of the Slayers didn't have red faces.
Instead, they had big smiles.
Little Miss Helpful had to apologize to the blushing Slayers for trying to help.
She didn't apologize to the smiling Slayers.
She just said, "Glad I could help!"
Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Clumsy were pleased that the spell had been broken.
But they weren't pleased with Little Miss Helpful.
Not at all!
They told Little Miss Helpful that it wasn't fair to do spells on people without asking permission first.
Even if she really wanted to help.
Little Miss Helpful agreed to be more careful about her helping in the future.
A few weeks later, Little Miss Helpful noticed that the Slayer House was getting messy.
There were stakes and swords and clothes and pizza boxes all over the tables.
And the floors.
And the beds.
It was very messy indeed!
Little Miss Helpful looked around at the mess and said, "Maybe I could help!"
She started to look for her spellbooks.
But then she thought.
And she got out a broom instead.
See eponine's incredible illustrations for this story: here