Dr. and Mrs. Hodgins
Title: Mixed Up Marriages: Dr. and Mrs. Hodgins
Author: Maeve Bran
Summary: Dr. Jack Hodgins and Illyria find themselves in an interesting situation in a Hell dimension.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel or Bones.
Notes: This is complete CRACK and not part of any series I have going. It is the third of five stories that tie together for the Marriage Law Ficathon
Angel and Brennan joined Buffy and Booth in trying to find a way home. The four worked tirelessly, but had no luck for four weeks. They had taken to walking everyday to the spot where they had fallen through the portal to discuss the latest attempts at finding away home. It was on one of these expeditions that the blue swirly thing happened again. This time it was Dr. Jack Hodgins and Illyria who fell through the portal. They didn't fall side by side like the previous two couples. No, they fell on top of each other with no way around the touching of bare limbs. The foursome watched in amused horror as the same field workers rushed Hodgins and Illyria off to get married.
Hodgins listened in horror as the maid explained about the video cameras. He realized that at some point soon he was going to have to make love to the creature standing beside him. He was slightly intimidated at the thought, after all she might have been wearing the guise of the shell - Winifred Burkle- but she was still Illyria, god king of the Universe. Hodgins just wondered what she was thinking about all of this.
"I view you as an insignificant insect, but you do have a somewhat pleasing form. I suppose I would be able to mate with you," Illyria declared imperiously.
Hodgins shook his head. So, that answered the question of what she was thinking. He wasn't sure he liked it, but she did have a certain way with words and looked kind of cute with her head tilted quizzically to the side. He supposed there could be worse fates. He just hoped that Illyria wasn't one for squishing bugs. Jack had a fascination with insects but had never been treated as such.
The next morning, Jack woke up with blue hair spread around his shoulders and groaned. He had forgotten, in his sleep, about his current predicament. He gently removed the blue lady from her position wrapped around him and got up. The second he touched her, the memories of what actually happened last night returned in full force. Far from squashing him like a bug, making love to Illyria had been a most eye-opening experience... but he had to force that thought away. They had work to do and were meeting with the others in a few minutes.
Jack was still grinning when they walked into the sitting room of the apartment belonging to the Booths. It was odd to think of Booth being married, and not to Brennan. He and Illyria were the last to arrive. Seated together were Buffy and Brennan on the couch. Angel and Booth were in chairs at either end of the couch looking like a matched set of bookends.
"I see you survived your night with Smurfette," Angel remarked dryly to Hodgins. Then to Illyria he said, "Is he your new Qwa'ha Xahn?"
"No. I have no need of a Qwa'ha Xahn since you stripped my power. The being designated Hodgins is my consort," Illyria declared looking at Angel like he should know better.
"A what?" Hodgins asked, seriously confused.
"A Qwa'ha Xahn, the lead priest and servant of her cult," Angel answered. "Her last two died untimely deaths, so you are lucky to be her consort instead."
"Oh," Hodgins said not knowing what else to say.
"Can we get down to business now?" Buffy asked. "Interesting as this discussion is, we do have more important things to discuss. Like a way home before too long. Booth and I have been here two months already and I need to get back."
"Two months? You've only been gone something like four hours in LA. We noticed you two were missing, so Dr. Brennan and Angel went looking for you. Then they disappeared too, so Illyria and I went looking and then we fell through as well," Hodgins explained.
"Only four hours? I guess time does move differently in this dimension. I remember Giles saying something about that after the Acathla thing," Buffy said looking down or anywhere but at Angel.
Booth and Hodgins looked confused. Brennan seemed to reach a hand out to Angel like she had some understanding of the Acathla thing. Illyria looked bored.
"So no one will miss us for awhile yet, I guess," Hodgins said. "So we have to do something ourselves."
"We have been trying, but maybe new brains can help. I mean god king of the Universe should be able to help," Buffy suggested looking straight at Illyria.
"I have never been to this dimension before," stated the blue wonder. "I can be of no use in this situation."
"So tell us what you have tried," Hodgins said. The others did just that.