Warnings: swear words, mentions of abuse. Death fic.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine
Notes. Thank you to beta reader.
When Buffy died for the first time, I was the one to save her from a permanent death. I had to force Angel to lead me to the Master's cave, but I was the one who gave Buffy her life back with the use of CPR.
Buffy did not thank me for saving her life. At the time, I put it down to the Master still being alive. Once Sunnydale was safe from the Master and other end of the world shit for a while, she still did not thank me. That pissed me off. I didn’t expect huge fanfare to be made out of what I had done. All I wanted was a simple thank you. That would have been enough for me. It was Angel who thanked me in the end, but that was not enough. Angel was not Buffy.
When Buffy died for the second time, it was by saving the world again. Buffy was meant to stay dead. Buffy was never meant to come back from her second death. Willow came with a plan to bring Buffy back. She began insisting that when Buffy leapt of the platform and fell into the portal it was a portal straight into a Hell dimension. I knew Buffy went to Heaven. It was what she deserved. Willow wanted to bring her back to the land of the living. I didn't. I could not bring myself to commit such a crime. All I can recall is helping Willow to bring Buffy back. It wasn’t until a few months later that I found out why I suddenly had a change of heart and helped to bring her back to life. Willow had used magic to force me to do something against my will. I hate Willow for using me like that. I hate Willow for bringing back Buffy so damaged and broken.
When Buffy died for the final time, it wasn’t like her other deaths. Willow went dark again. Willow un-called the thousands of slayers that she had called in the last battle of Sunnydale. Willow killed Kennedy in such a gruesome way that even Spike was disgusted when we found what was left of her body. Willow returned Dawn to her original state as the key and then absorbed all of the key's energy. Willow then took Buffy’s mind and destroyed it. Buffy’s body functioned for another two years after that incident, but during all of that time, it was just her body lying on the hospital bed. When Willow came for me, I knew that what could be the end of my existence had finally arrived. I knew it would be either Willow or me that met our maker.
In the end, it was Willow.
The Key energy Willow had absorbed was too much for her body to handle. Even as she was hitting me with one magical burst after another, she was dying. Just as she was about to deliver what would have been the killer blow her heart gave out. Well her heart actually exploded out her chest, but either way Willow was dead. The girl I had known since I was five year old was dead. I couldn't even grieve for her. The Willow I had known died years ago.
Two days after Willow's funeral, we switched off the life support that had been keeping Buffy’s body alive. Where as Wiilow's funeral had no grieving friends, Buffy’s was packed out. People, demons, vampires and other creatures I cannot even begin to put a name to came to her funeral. It was a beautiful service. No more than she deserved.
Out of the original Scooby gang that faced down apocalypses, death and the closing of the hellmouth only three survive. Giles is looking after the only slayer to remain. The one girl left to fight all of the evil forces alone. That girl is Faith. Together they guard the Cleveland Hellmouth. Oz, he found himself a home in Spike. No one saw that hook up coming. Angel remains in LA fighting the good fight with his group.
As for me, well the magic changed me. Seeing a friend die a senseless needless death changed me. Witnessing a friend’s destruction changed me. I am not the same as I used to be, but no one remains the same.