So Moat It Be!'
part of my Xander Fury/ Dawn Giles series of oneshots.
Disclaimer: All the characters save for Dawn and Xander belong to Marvel and the others were from Buffy. They're not mine, but I like to mess with them cause it's fun. Almost as much fun as poking the Pillsbury dough boy in the belly.
“Hmm...” he said as he gazed at the diagram. Construction was almost complete, done completely by automated machines on loan from an old Poker buddy. Now he just had to finish the last details.
“Are you still fussing over that?” she asked him.
He frowned at the monitor, not looking away from it. “I still think it needs a moat” he told her.
“What are you, Doom?” she asked, rolling her eyes.
He frowned at her. “No, but I've killed him three times personally.”
“Bah, those don't count.” She reminded him.
He grumbled. “Stupid Doombots. I swear he's got a warehouse full of them. Only time it really is Doom is when he's got a 'guaranteed' chance at godhood or some new power that helps him dominate Richards and his crew. Are you sure we can't add a moat?” he asked her.
“Xander, I love you, but we're not putting a moat around our home. You already got Stephen to pull some type of modified Fidelus out of his ass for the place. You also got Richards to set up a temporal flux barrier making time past faster on the inside.”
“Hey, that barrier is a security measure and also part of the power core of the place.” he argued back.
She snorted and flipped her now longer hair over her shoulder. “You just want that to have time to finish your paperwork.” She said jokingly.
“And you your own special projects. Granted it means not many people can stay for extremely long periods of time, except maybe Logan and X-23.”
“Geez Xander, you're still calling him Logan. He's James Howlett now, has been for ten years remember?” She reminded him.
He rubbed his forehead. “I know Dawn, I was the one who pooled together Sampson, Strange and the use of Tony's Neural Mapper remember? I owed Logan that much since things had gone so horribly wrong after he left the Furies. Hell, he didn't even know himself even then.”
“I still say Tony stole that idea from Farscape.” she said.
He harrumphed. “It's not the Mobius chair, similar use but with a lot less emphasis on the torture. It worked, didn't it? That along with Stephen's weaving of Logan's dreams and Sampson's therapy. Logan's whole now, but he's always been Logan to me.”
“Whatever, you and 'Logan' still always stink up the place smoking those things. I don't care if you can't get cancer, it's still kinda stanky.”
He laughed. “Sweetie, you've seen the 'lounge'. It has more air filters than those smoking kiosks in the airports, you know where the smoke goes down? That'll be the only smoking room in the whole place. Besides, I've cut back.”
“Still haven't quit though.” she muttered. “It all still seems like a lot of trouble for a house. Aren't you being overly paranoid about this?” she asked him.
He laughed, and almost fell out of his seat. “Honey, the last two actual houses that I've owned were destroyed. The second one was blown up from Orbit by a death ray. I was lucky that I had gone to the local Quik Stop.”
She sighed. “Point. Just, we've been living up here for five years now and I've been getting tired of being cooped up on the Helicarrier. Hell, I've been needling your for a year about this.”
He frowned. “And it's almost ready dear. All of the supplies had either been fabbed on site or bought through some dummy corporations, the workers are all robotic on loan from Stark industries. It's a masterpiece.”
“I know, I've seen the plans. But we're still having a Moat argument! A moat!” she exclaimed.
“Dawn, this is us.” he reminded her.
She sighed and collapsed on the sofa. “You're right, I know you're right but still. It's just that less than one tenth of one percent of the population of the planet has the anything near the type of security we're going to have.”
“And how many billion people is that now?” he pondered aloud.
“A few. So any surprises I should know about this place that aren't on the original blueprints?”
“A few.” he said with a hint of a smile.
“Xander....” she whined.
He relented. “Well it's over a refabbed and retrofitted missle Silo that Reed has set up with his pocket dimension generator. It's expanded to a very large part on the indside with plenty of room including the Nursery set you had your eye on last month.”
She gasped. “Nursery?”
“There's a lab there with all the stuff we're going to need to grow our child Dawn. Just because you can't carry to term doesn't mean it can't be done these days. We live on a freakin' Hellicarrier. I think we can manage to grow us a daughter or five. Ones that'll be around hopefully long after us. You can thank Reed and Tony for that.”
She almost bowled him over as she latched onto him. Years of frustration and shame at being unable to carry to term slowly coming to the surface, leaving her one teardrop at a time.
After a while she stopped crying. “you know, you never told my why Tony likes you so much. I can understand Reed, you helped with Franklin's security detail and you both have the same dashing hairstyle, but not Tony.”
He paused as if in thought, “Well it could be that I let him win at poker, or the fact that Stark industries manufacture and maintains almost seventy percent of SHIELD's computers and weapons systems. Or the fact I convinced him to buy Hostess.”
She frowned. “Wait, that happened a few months before it became public knowledge that one of the few things in ready supply that could calm the Hulk down was Twinkies. Hell he'll even ignore mortar rounds if he had enough creme filling in him.”
He grinned. “Yep, Twinkies and Peeps, and since Peeps are pretty seasonal, that and You can haul around trucks full of the crème filling easier than marshmallow fluff. Plus it can be stored pretty much indefinitely.”
“Yeah, it was all good till Bruce started showing signs of adult onset type 2 diabetes. “ she chided.
“Bah, Hulk's Gamma irradiated pancreas isn't the strongest one there is then.” he said mocking the Emerald One's 'little' tantrums. He laughed. “Good times.”
“Have you swept this place for bugs again?” she asked, suddenly worried.
“Twice, sillencing spells are up too. You know the troops can't and won't see me as something other than the Hardass that is Nick Fury, no matter what. Hell it's hard not being that all the time after I've done. It's strange being Xander Harris now and again.” he looked at Dawn. “Entirely your fault my dear.” he said smiling.
“Well mine and Sampson's.” she said grinning.
He nodded. “True, he's helped. A lot better than what SHIELD normally has to offer for therapists. Granted the first session I spent most of the time rattling off different ways to neutralize him based on his talents and source of his strength. But it went okay after that.” he said smirking.
“Xander, he almost wet himself.”
“Meh, he's the trained psychologist. If he can't take it...” he said trailing off.
She sighed. “Right, you really want the Moat don't you?”
“Just a little one.” he said pinching his fingers together.
“Well... only if you get rid of the miniature golf course.”
“But...It's mini-golf!” he protested.
“And I say the moat is stupid so we're at an impasse.” she said shrugging.
“What if I put the golf course in one of the lower levels?” he asked, willing to bargain.
“Okay, then we'll have room for the moat and my herb garden. Which you will be helping with of course.” she told him.
“Dawn, I kill things. It's what I do and I'm really, really good at it. That's pretty much it outside of the bedroom.” he said waggling his eyebrows.
“You've got the time Xander. You'll learn not to kill the shrubbery.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose in a move reminiscent of an old friend. “But I still get the moat if I move the golf course and learn not how to kill plant life?”
“It's a moat in a place so safe that it can't be detected by any known means save for possibly an Omega class mystic. The secret to the place can't be removed even by the highest telepaths. And It's immune from any other method of 'extraction'.” she looked at him. “Fine you get your moat.” she said finally.
“Yes! I, no we get the Moat! So Moat it Be!” he exclaimed loudly.
She giggled. “How long have you been saving that one?” she asked him.
“After Doombot #1.” he admitted.
“Xander that was thirty years ago honey.”
He shrugged. “Do you know how hard it is to bring the subject or even the word Moat into conversations in this day and age? Besides, Nick Fury doesn't joke.”
“In that case, Xander needs to turn off the monitor and come to bed.” she said seriously as she left the room.
Xander saved the file and turned off the monitor. “Yes dear.” he said as he followed after the love of his extended life. He'd put in a white picket fence later.