Baby Got Back (Luna/Faith)
Baby Got BackAuthor:
J.K. Rowling is the owner of the Potterverse, and all the related little spawn running around Hogwarts (and Hogwarts itself). Never quite figured out who owns the Buffyverse, but I know for a fact that it's not me. Let's just go with 'not mine' and leave it as that.Summary:
Luna likes big butts and she cannot lie.Joe's Note:
I promise you that this is NOT another of my 4AM, Mountain Dew-fueled femmeslashtastical masterpieces.
It's a 5AM, Mountain Dew-fueled femmeslashtastical masterpiece. In all seriousness, this is a ficlet collection, so do try to ignore any contradictions between the various chapters, tay?
'I like big butts and I cannot lie!
You other brothers can't deny,
That when a girl walks in,
With an itty-bitty waist,
And a round thing in your face,
You get sprung!'
"Baby got back."
Six heads turned to look at Luna Lovegood with varying degrees of surprise. The blonde stared back with unblinking silver eyes. "What? She does. At least if I understand that song she likes correctly."
Harry Potter was the first one to crack and voice an opinion. "I think we're just surprised to hear you say something like that. Usually Ron is the one making inappropriate comments about women."
"What?" Looking over at his best friend, Harry shrugged. "You do. Or at least you did before Hermione whipped you into shape."
Hermione Granger preened, snuggling in against Ron Weasley's side before reaching up to pat his hand. "You were rather uncouth, particularly around those you found attractive.
Blushing a bit, Ron entwined his fingers with his girlfriend's. "Well, I think the fact that you rewarded me for good behavior with… err… I'm glad you're impressed and you make me want to be a better man?"
Such moments were common now, especially since the destruction of Voldemort allowed them to kick back, relax, and behave like normal teenagers once in a while. Sure, they had one bodyguard each from the Ministry and the Watcher's Council with them, but otherwise they were just three couples and a friend out for a bit of fun at a club on Saturday night.
The couples and a friend bit was starting to be a problem, though. Hermione and Ron had finally stopped fighting and started snogging, just in time to prevent Harry from locking them in a broom cupboard until they either snogged or one murdered the other. Then Neville had fallen for one of the younger Slayers who showed up as part of the Council's team at Hogwarts; an American girl named Colleen who was Ginny and Luna's age. Finally, Ginny had managed to pull him into a broom closet and snog him into submission. That had been four months ago.
Unfortunately, that left Luna as a seventh wheel on… well, there weren't any vehicles Harry could think of with six wheels, but if there was, a seven-wheeled version would be really awkward. So far, no boy had survived to the end of a first date with Luna, much less come back for an encore. Although Harry was suddenly getting the feeling they'd been looking at the entirely wrong gender for Luna's dates.
"It… reminds me of a lovely, plump peach wrapped in leather. I want to bite it."
Okay, definitely the wrong gender.
Turning his head, Harry studied the butt in question. It was a very nice one, he had to admit. Although he would never do that out loud, at least if Ginny was anywhere nearby. That Bat-Bogey Hex of hers was vicious. And seeing as how the butt in question was attached to a person who was assigned to follow them around anyways, he really couldn't see a down side to encouraging Luna. "Well, maybe you should hold off on the biting, but maybe you can go ask her to dance?"
Luna turned to Harry with wide eyes. "She wouldn't want to dance with me. She thinks I'm weird. She calls me Loony like everyone else."
"Luna, right now you're sitting here talking about biting someone on the arse. WE think you're weird." Ginny gave her best friend a pat on the shoulder and then shoved her out of the booth. "Besides, she calls me Gingersnap and has like, ten names for Harry that all involve 'emo'. Feel special that you get a nickname, unlike my obnoxious brother…"
"…or his boring girlfriend."
"I beg your pardon?"
Perking up, Luna smiled widely. "You're right. Carpe gluteus!" After sparing a moment to smooth a few wrinkles out of her skirt and then adjusting her top to make sure her assets were presented as best possible, Luna dove into the crowd of dancers and made a beeline towards where their bodyguard had just shoved another guy away.
"…five galleons says Faith slaps Luna for saying something inappropriate and arse-related." Ron pulled out five of the large gold coins and placed them on the table; he'd taken to making large wagers on anything and everything with people ever since that he'd received his portion of the reward money for helping destroy Voldemort. "Any takers?"
Harry laughed and pulled away from Ginny long enough to pull out five galleons of his own and add them to the pile. "Five says Faith humors Luna, then comes over here and beats you all up for encouraging her."
All of a sudden, Ginny looked very nervous. "You don't think she'd do that, do you?" Her head turned back and forth rapidly, scouting out escape routes before she froze. "Wait a minute, why aren't you nervous?"
"Because I have an emergency portkey." Harry grinned and tapped his watch. "If she looks like she's coming over here to pummel someone, I'll be out of here before you say 'eep'."
Ginny glared and latched onto his arm with a painfully tight grip. "Harry James Potter, if you leave me here with an angry Slayer, forget about sleeping on the couch. You'll be sleeping on the ROOF of Grimmauld Place for a month. Are we clear?"
"Five says Faith and Luna leave here to go find a room." Colleen slid five galleons onto the table and judging by the blush on Neville's face, she hadn't pulled them out of her own pocket. "And Ginny, the only thing you have to worry about is Harry going bankrupt from betting on Faith, at least unless he actually gets to know her better."
Harry opened his mouth to ask about Colleen's statement, but Luna had finally reached Faith and so the sextet went quiet so they could observe the encounter. There were a few quick exchanges before Faith threw her head back and laughed before pulling Luna close. After a few seconds of dancing, the blonde's hands went straight to the Slayer's ass and she laughed again.
"Well, I don't know what I'm going to do with fifteen galleons, other than pay Neville back his five, but it was nice doing business with you folks." Colleen cackled and pulled the pile of gold coins to her side of the table, pocketing them one by one. "Word of advice? Don't bet about girl-on-girl when both girls swing that way."
Ron leaned across the table, trying to stop Colleen from taking his galleons. "Hey! Your bet was them leaving together. Just because they're dancing doesn't mean…"
Snatching up her bottle of butterbeer, Colleen went to slam it down on Ron's hand but the redhead pulled back. "Oh trust me, it will. I know firsthand." Harry's jaw dropped and Ron and Neville looked just as shocked. "What? Slaying makes you hungry and horny, and sometimes the hottest person at the club is the girl you came with."
"Neville? Can I trade girlfriends with you?" Ron rocked forward as a powerful slap struck the back of his head. "Oww! Bloody hell, Hermione, I'm only kidding!"
Ron and Hermione abruptly launched into one of the rows Harry had hoped they'd left behind when they started dating, while Neville was whispering back and forth with Colleen and blushing increasingly darker. Accordingly, that left only Harry and Ginny aware enough to notice when Faith and Luna came over to their booth. Or rather, Faith came over with Luna thrown over her shoulder. "Hey kids, don't go anywhere. Luna and I will be back in an ho…" Faith let out a little squeak and jumped. "Make that two hours."
Nodding numbly, Harry watched as Faith turned and hurried towards the exit. Luna grinned back at Harry before reaching down to squeeze the brunette's ass with both hands. Huh. Carpe gluteus indeed.
Harry turned to look at Ginny, who shook her head sharply. "No. Don't even say it. I may be a Slayer, but faeries will frolic in Azkaban before I bring another girl home to our bedroom."
"I wasn't even going to…"
"Or any other place in the flat you can suggest to shag in."