Deep Thoughts (Kit/Bruce Banner)
Someone inside Marvel owns the Hulk (I'm gonna go with Stan Lee, personally...) and someone who's not me (but may be Joss Whedon) owns Buffy.Joe's Note:
This was supposed to be #6, but came out before I finished #5. Good Lord am I on crack tonight...
Bruce Banner stared down at the Panchen Lama… a short Asian boy in a white t-shirt and khakis. “What other way is there to look at things? The Hulk is out of control… dangerous. A murderer.”
The Lama looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. “You speak of him as if he is not you.”
“He’s not,” Bruce replied quickly. “He can’t be. I’m… not like that. I’m not.”
There was a brief smile before the Lama turned away. “Ah, but there is another way to look at things,” he informed Bruce. “Ask yourself… what if it is not you who changes into the Hulk, but the Hulk who changes into you? Chickens and eggs, Bruce. Chickens and eggs.”
The Lama walked off and left Bruce standing there, horrified at the prospect. He found himself rapidly spiraling down into a hole of depression the likes of which he hadn’t been in since the Manhattan Incident itself, when a soft snort brought him back to the real world. There was teenage girl standing there… who looked as out of place as the Lama himself in her black clothes and dark make-up. “Hello?”
She smiled. “He dropped the whole chicken and the egg thing on you, didn’t he?” she asked. Bruce nodded. “Yeah, I hate to spoil the Lama’s whole learning technique, but it’s just a thought provoker. Personally, I’m pretty sure it’s Bruce into the Hulk. Can you imagine your mom trying to push out that giant-ass green noggin of yours?” She held out her hand to him. “Name’s Kit.”
“I’d introduce myself but you already know who I am,” Bruce said, shaking her hand. “Not to be rude but why are you here? You don’t exactly look like the Buddhist monk type. And you said you’ve heard that speech before?”
Kit nodded. “Heard it when I got here,” she told him. “Which is why I’m here. Same as you, really.” Before Bruce’s eyes, she began to grow, stretching upward into a purple-skinned figure that dwarfed Bruce in his human form but would have been the same size to the Hulk that Kit was to Bruce. Giant wings unfurled from her back and flapped once before she shrunk down to normal size and returned to her human appearance. “You’re not as different as you think.”
She turned and began to walk down the hall and Bruce found himself chasing after her. “Wait a minute, what was that?” he asked her. “How did you do that?”
“Came from a place in California called Sunnydale,” Kit said, leading him deeper into the temple. “I WAS a mutant, but there’s some seriously demonic stuff going on in that town. I’m X-positive but something else too… so I’m guessing the weird energy in that town reacted with my mutant powers and turned me into that. I first manifested during a fight with my mother and put her through the wall before taking off and waking up in Costa Rica. From there, it was one religious and magic expert after another… until I ended up here.”
Bruce took all that in. “So you used to be like me… until you came here?” he asked. Kit nodded. “That’s incredible. How… how long have you been here?”
“About a month,” she told him. “Basically, you need to learn to harness your demon instead of pushing it down. When you do that, it just explodes out. Work with the Hulk instead of against it, and soon you’ll be like me. Lama’s good for that. You’ll see.” There was a brief silence before she shot him a grin. “So Bruce, you know Janet Pym, right?”
Bruce blinked at the odd question. “Yeah? Sorta. I used to work with her husband and met her a few times at Ultimates stuff.”
Rubbing her hands together, Kit asked, “Think you could introduce us? After you master your whole ‘I like to turn into a giant green beast and eat people’ problem?”
“Uh… maybe?” Bruce offered, wincing at her casual reference to his past episodes. “Why?”
Kit blinked and stared up at him. “What are you, nuts? She’s fucking hot. I want a little Wasp to pollinate my flower…”
A memory of seeing Janet’s breasts and chasing her down the street flitted through Bruce’s head, then it was gone. “She’s married!” he protested. “Or… well, she was married. She divorced Hank and I think she’s dating Captain America now.”
“So?” Kit countered. “I wanna get some superheroine ass, not marry her and father her children. Besides, it's not immoral if it's oral."
“Thank you, President Clinton.”
“Hey, I made you smile. Bet that’s the first time in a long while.”
Bruce realized she was right.