Fight or Flight? Flight thank you...
Disclaimer: I do not own either Buffy or Ranma½. Their creators fly in much more exalted circles while I am merely content to play around with whatever crumb might fall from their tables.
A/N: I decided to respond to this challenge mainly because I figured I had a logical way of ditching the fiancés. Another thing, yes I want this to be funny, but it will slide over into drama at some point. And the central characters of Buffy do not appear until a few chapters in.
Chapter 1: Fight or Flight? Flight thank you…
Ranma watched with bated breath as the old hag went a shade of puce she had never sported before. And he should know, having become somewhat of a connoisseur over the years when it came to Cologne and her insane mood swings.
In retrospect getting together with Akane to ambush Shampoo had not been one of his brighter ideas. Nor had been what had followed, namely shaving off half of the poor girls hair and then dying the other half the national colours of Japan. Although in his defence it had been Akane’s idea to then add a little moustache in permanent ink. But then it was not like they’d intended for the photos to end up on the school notice board for all to see, although he had his suspicions as to who was responsible for that little part of the caper.
He sullenly kicked away a rock as he waited for Cologne to explode, having learned the hard way that running only postponed the pain instead of making it go away. He totally blamed the girls that haunted his every waking minute. His so-called fiancés. Not that he had ever chosen them or anything, they had all been foisted on him one way or another, either by his parents of other insane rules and customs.
At one point in time he had seriously thought about choosing Akane, but fate had conspired against him and now the girl would not dream of touching him with a ten-foot pole. The other girls were just as bad a choice, either because they came with insane relatives or because they were a couple of anthills short of a picnic. He’d tried, he had really given it his best shot, but nothing worked. There was no honourable way to get out of the situation. The only thing that could help him now was a miracle.
The hag opened her mouth once or twice before her vocal chords kicked in: “RANMA SAOTOME. By the gods above and below I wish you would pick a girl and settle down or be gone, never to return.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance as a pretty dark-haired gwailo in the crowd frowned, a hint of veins appearing on her countenance as she muttered: “Wish granted.”
Cologne sank in on herself as she in a flash realised what she had unwittingly done, hoping against hope that Ranma didn’t realise what the gods had so surprisingly chosen to grant him, after all vengeance demons were not that well known in Japan.
“I wish to be free.”
Lightning slammed into the ground blinding the crowd of onlookers, the following thunderclap making them quake in their shoes even as hands came up to cover ears. When their senses returned to them Ranma Saotome was gone as if he had never been.
“Damn.” The old hag muttered, resigning herself to their return to China. Just as soon as Shampoo’s hair grew back.