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This story is No. 3 in the series "Nickels and Dimes: Ficlet Collections". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Multiple fandoms, multiple characters, multiple Five Things responses. See first page for index of fandoms, characters, and prompts. (Newest: "4 Women Who Kissed Daniel Unexpectedly, and 1 Time He Made the First Move")

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Non-BtVS Crossovers(Recent Donor)jedibuttercupFR131814,19713431,99321 Sep 0629 Jun 10No

Five People Anya Never Dated, And One She Did

Title: Five People Anya Never Dated (Though She Was Tempted), And One She Did

Author: Jedi Buttercup
Rating: FR-13
Category: B:tVS/Crossovers
Notes: Not mine. Prompt from kerravonsen, though possibly not what she had in mind! Some timeline squidginess.

1) Pirates of the Carribean

Had Anyanka been willing to stoop so far as to couple with a human male before the first loss of her amulet, Witty Jack-- as he was known to the supernatural gossip circle she and Halfrek were a part of-- would have made an almost perfect sexual partner. He was skilled enough to provide frequent, high-quality orgasms; he believed that there could never be too much gold in the world; and he was capable of extreme dedication toward the most important female in his life.

Had he bathed a little more often, or had the Black Pearl been a little more willing to share, she might have gone ahead and bent her standards anyway. It was a shame she hadn't, she thought later; all that potential was completely wasted when he became the latest master of the Flying Dutchman.

2) Boondock Saints

After the loss of her amulet, but before she returned to Sunnydale in an attempt to wring Xander Harris out of her system by means of multiple orgasms, Anya briefly considered another method of exorcising him from her thoughts. During a week spent on the East Coast acquainting herself with modern culture (especially its fashions!) and revisiting the scenes of some of her greatest modern vengeance triumphs, she ran across another avatar of vengeance, the hot topic on every demon bartender's lips.

Well, a trio of them, really; but the younger pair were a little too young for her, despite the fact that they were actually older and deadlier than the annoyingly memorable wisecracking teenager she'd left behind. They were just-- a little unseasoned, supernaturally speaking, by comparison.

Il Duce, on the other hand. Now there was a man who knew the meaning of a dish delivered cold, and wholeheartedly believed in being the one to serve it to those who'd earned it. Surely he could erase the boy she'd abandoned to impending apocalypse from her mind, she'd thought eagerly. It had been a pity to discover, halfway into their first shared drink in a smoky little Irish pub in Boston, how very, very religious the man actually was, despite his choice of occupation. She left alone that evening before the conversation could grow too stilted, all too aware of how he was likely to react if he found out, and too disillusioned herself to take the risk that he wouldn't.

3) Iron Man (movieverse)

After the wedding that wasn't, but before she allowed her irritatingly unquenchable emotions to suck her right back into the vortex of the Scoobies, Anya spent some time fantasizing about all the options opened to her since she'd been freed from the patronizing shackles of her engagement to Xander. Tangle her all up in him and then refuse to commit to her, would he? Well, she'd show him; she'd be the one engaging in commitment-free sex with all the men of power that he could never measure up to. He'd really know what he was missing, then.

Tony Stark had ranked high on her list of potential partners. Rich, almost beyond even her dreams of avarice; very experienced in the use of his masculine attributes; and charming enough that despite making her top ten list of men most frequently summoned against in any era, no castoff lover had ever wished him permanent harm.

It was a pity he'd gone and got himself kidnapped while she was still making up her mind. Re-empowered she might have been, but she was pretty sure D'Hoffryn would frown on her using her teleportation to rescue a punishment-worthy male from one of the best modern vengeance-marketing instigators in the business.

4) Buffy Season 7

Having failed to leave Sunnydale behind her, completely unable to settle her mind on any of the lucrative and powerful potential partners she felt sure she had only to stretch out her hand to take-- look how easy it had been with Xander in the beginning, after all!-- Anya took another look at the strength and sharp edges of the man she'd mistakenly filed as a fuddy-duddy when she'd first met him.

Giles was still a little stolid for her tastes a lot of the time, but she'd seen the other side of him as he slid out of the mentor role into more of a partnership with the Scooby team. He'd never seemed quite comfortable as a paternal figure in their lives; probably as a result of how wild his own teenage years had been. Who wants to be reminded that they've left their strongest self far behind them? Certainly not Anya. She understood him more than she did the others; and those brief hours she'd thought herself his fiancée when Willow's memory spell had wiped everyone's minds had certainly had their... brighter moments. She could still feel the warmth in her cheeks, and elsewhere, whenever she thought about it. And sometimes she fancied that he still felt it, too.

But he did not understand her as well as she understood him. Human prejudice, of course; and she wasn't human anymore. She'd seen enough of his reactions to Spike and Buffy to imagine how that conversation would go, and-- and she knew exactly what look she'd see on Xander's face, too, even supposing Rupert did say yes. Just the thought of it cut her to the quick, even though (she told herself, firmly!) she didn't want him anymore. Even though he was looking at women other than her, too. She just-- couldn't do it. Rupert would just have to remain off limits; and that was that.

5) Fast and Furious

After dying in Sunnydale and waking up as a vengeance demon yet again, this time with an even more restrictive contract-- damn D'Hoffryn and his Wolfram and Hart inspired perpetuity clauses, anyway-- Anya spent a good few months moping, granting wishes haphazardly and without much care for the creativity of the consequences. She'd just finished granting a really lame one-- honestly, "may he never know a peaceful holiday again", there was a cop in New York who could attest that it wasn't even original-- when she was summoned by a female street racer's dying breath.

The poor woman barely lived long enough to wish that the man who'd got her into that situation got 'what was coming to him'; she didn't even specify who the man was, though an experienced avatar of justice like Anyanka hardly needed the confirmation. The criminal boss who'd ordered her death instead of upholding their implied contract; the man who'd actually killed her, who may not have technically broken faith with her but certainly qualified as having scorned her under the technical definition of the term; the conflicted FBI handler who'd been using her as much as she'd been using him; and the boyfriend who'd dumped her for her own good and so put the fatal chain of consequences into motion--

Oh, Anya thought as she turned her demon's-eye perspective on the boyfriend. Strong. Protective of his family. Intoxicated both by danger, and by the money it could earn him. Attractive, and very, very good with his hands. Sure of himself in a way Xander had seldom been, but just as tender under the surface. In search of a woman 'eighty percent devil, twenty percent angel', in his own words. Parts of Anya's self that she'd thought she'd left behind with her humanity woke again at the thought of him, and hungered.

Might 'what was coming to him' include a new woman? Anya traced out the threads of possibility unspooling in his future-- then sighed in irritation at the waste as she realized just how strongly his fate was entwined with the others already, and how very little effort she'd need to tangle all four up in a single knot. She couldn't spare the racer and still punish all three of the others; that would just leave the cop dead and the other two as free as ever, not to mention inviting criticism from her 'less is more' boss. Her duty was clear.

Anyanka leaned down to close Leticia Ortiz' eyes and murmured, "Done."

6) Post-Series (no comics)

There came a time, finally, when Anyanka ceased measuring time by afters and befores. Seriously, the vengeance life-- justice or 'repayment in kind' or whatever the younger ones were calling it by then-- had been old by the second time she'd taken up the mantle, much less the third. If it hadn't been for the fact that this time she'd been called back posthumously and as such had no amulet available to give up, she'd have gone mortal again almost immediately.

Since she couldn't-- since she could never again be what she knew Xander would, in his heart of hearts, truly want of her-- she'd made the effort to stay away from him, to pursue other joys and temptations even though they paled in memory of her brief life on the Hellmouth. She'd eventually settled into contentment, studiously avoiding all jobs or even gossip that had anything at all to do with the reborn Watcher's Council, but never quite reached happiness. Not anymore; though on her better days, she liked to think, not yet.

No one was more surprised than she was, then, to flit back to Arashmahar one day and find the entire place torn down around her, filled with baby Slayers cutting their teeth in their first crossdimensional war while Buffy and her core team took on D'Hoffryn himself. The look in Xander's eye when he saw her appear was one she'd treasure for the rest of her days.

She suspected it might even match the one on her own when D'Hoffryn died and released her from her contract-- but not her life-- a few moments later.

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