Caring is creepy
Disclaimer: It’s obviously not mine, so why bother saying it?
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Sam was asleep in the backseat, leaving Cordy and Dean alone in the front.
Dean was struggling to get a hold of himself, which wasn’t easy with Cordy slouched down asleep in her seat, giving him one of the best views he’d seen in a long time.
He wiped a few beads of sweat off his face and tried to keep his eyes on the road. But damn, he hadn’t gotten laid in close to a month and he couldn’t keep his gaze from drifting down Cordelia’s shirt. Good god, if he were a weaker man he would’ve pulled over twenty miles back and jumped her. As it was, he was dangerously close to begging her to follow him into the bathroom stall in the next gas station he saw.
Cordy glanced over at Dean sweating and fidgeting like a horny teenager, and couldn’t help but smile. Torturing Dean was one of the few enjoyments she had anymore, and she was doing her best to find his breaking point.
“You’re drooling, Sweat Boy.”
Dean quickly faced the road. He’d been so locked on her chest that he hadn’t noticed her wake up.
“Darlin’, you may be hot, but I’m not so hard-up that you look drool worthy. Now that Buffy chick you told me about, she-”
“Shut up about Buffy.” Cordelia snapped, sitting up. Damn man always knew how to get back at her.
Dean smirked, loving how easy it was to rile her up. “Come on, now; what’s so wrong with Buffy?”
“Good question, what is
wrong with Buffy? There’s so many things that I can’t even think of one diagnosis. Of course, there’s her superiority complex- ya know, her whole ‘I’m the Slayer, hear me roar’ thing- than there’s her innate ability to get herself in doomed, potentially abusive relationships- seriously, she dates a vampire than complains when they beat the shit out of each other? They’re supposed to be arch-nemesis-es,
not boink-buddies! Oh! And don’t even get me started
on her serious lack in character judgment! She completely trusts the people who take away her powers and test her or kick her outta her own house, but when a guy like Spike does more for her and puts up with more from her than her stupid soldier boy and Angel at his most redemptive combined, she beats the crap out of him! The girl is nutso!
And yeah, I never really liked her, but being a Higher Being and getting to spy on everybody really made me hate her even more.”
Dean waited for her to finish up her tirade before jibing her again. “And here I thought you
Cordy reached over and slapped his arm, trying to ignore how the muscles felt under her hand. “My kind of high-maintenance is so different from Buffy’s. I was born into mine; she just assumes that everyone should worship her cause some whack-job was handing out superpowers. Oh, and after I became poor, I earned
mine with my mind-splitting visions and the fact that I chose to fight evil. I deserve to be picky; I mean, I stopped just as many apocalypses and I’m not the Slayer.” She pointed out.
Dean had a feeling he was in for the long haul. Twenty minutes later he cut into her Buffy-rant.
“Ya know, sometimes I wanna rip my own tongue out for bringing up some topics.”
“Well, even though it would be a vast improvement and make you just a quiet hot guy that I could stand, it’s still gross. Why would you do that?” She asked, clearly not getting it.
“Because I brought up Buffy. I shoulda remembered that you wouldn’t stop complaining about her.”
“Well, that’s cause you called her hot.” Cordy pouted. This guy was infuriating.
“Well, I didn’t mean it.” He snapped. He could feel a headache coming on. “From everything you’ve told me, I wouldn’t like her anyway. I’d still bang her, but I wouldn’t like
Cordy let out an indignant gasp, a look of fury on her face. Dean rolled his eyes and went about mending fences. “Don’t worry,
you’re my kinda hot.”
Cordy turned a skeptical eye his way. “Are you trying to flirt with me?”
.” Dean scoffed. “…But if I had been, you woulda gone for it, right?” he smiled knowingly.
Cordelia opened her mouth to voice her disgust, but then thought better of it. Stopping to consider, she looked at him. He did have that rugged look she liked, and he would obviously go for it, not to mention- Higher Beings? Not so big on the hanky-panky. It had been almost a year since she’s last had sex- longer since she’d had good
sex, which she was sure Dean could provide. And if they were leaving Sam with this Sarah chick tonight…
Dean did a double take. “ Maybe?
“Well don’t get all huffy about it. It’s not like you were really flirting.”
“Yea I was!”
“Well, then you suck at it!” She retorted.
Dean stared at her incredulously. “You did not just say that! I‘ve perfected that skill long ago.”
Cordy smiled sweetly. “Dean, I’ve been in love with vampires and poetry- spewing warriors. Maybe you need to take lessons or something. I hear Spike’s pretty good-and Angel could really help you get the brooding thing down pat. Too back Groo’s not around anymore; the way he would talk
Dean cut her off with a single glare. Well, he had intimidation down. “You. Are. The biggest bitch
I’ve ever been around; hot or not.” He growled.
Cordelia just winked and pulled a magazine out of her bag. “Years of practice, hon. I’ve scared vamps into running away with this attitude.”
“Smart vamps.” Dean muttered. Cordy slouched down again and Dean’s eyes settled right back on her chest. Cursing himself, he wished he’d been smart enough to run too.
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Dean’s voice was the first thing Sam heard. “You Sammy- wake up!” Sam jumped as his brother punched him in the leg.
“Shit Dean, the yelling was enough!” He complained, rubbing his knee.
Cordy smiled. “Yeah Dean, how’s he supposed to perform if he’s beat up?”
Dean laughed; Sam rolled his eyes. Figures, she has his brother’s sense of humor.
“There isn’t going to be
any performing. When I called, I asked her to dinner- not the Motel Six.”
Cordelia made a face. “Well god, I hope not. If she’s gonna put out, you could at least get a decent hotel.”
“You know, she could have a boyfriend or something.” He tried.
Cordy shrugged. “Well, then you either try for a threesome or we’ll hire you a hooker. Either way, you’re getting fucked.”
Sam sighed, knowing that there was no use arguing with them. He looked up curiously as a thought came to him. “Hey, when was the last time you guys had sex? I mean, I know it hasn’t been since Cordy showed up, so at least a month or so, right? Why am I the only one being pushed into this?”
Dean and Cordy were quiet a minute.
“Because you’re too nice to just pick someone up. Us- we’re a bit more promiscuous.” Dean explained.
Cordy nodded. “That’s right. We can be pretty slutty when we want to be.”
Dean was offended. “I’m not slutty.” He argued. Cordy scoffed.
You’re a regular man-whore.”
“She’s right. You are.” Sam confirmed.
Dean sputtered a minute. “Just because I attract the girls and you attract their boyfriends, Sammy, does not make me a man-whore.”
“No, it’s the twenty they stick down your pants beforehand that does.” Cordy quipped.
“Will you two just sleep together already? I know that all you’re verbal foreplay has you both rearing to go, so just get it over with, would you?” Sam yelled. He got out of the car as they pulled up at the art gallery. “I’ll see you guys later.”
He grabbed his bag and headed inside. Leaving them in stunned silence. Dean pulled out and headed towards their hotel.
Cordelia was the first to speak up. “Do you think he’s mad at us?” she asked, a little worried.
“Probably. Course, he’ll be madder once he finds what I put in his backpack.”
“What did you put?” She asked.
Dean bit back a grin. “Box of condoms and a tube of lube.”
Cordy broke out in a laugh. “I threw in handcuffs, a thong, and a dog collar.” She couldn’t stop giggling.
Dean looked at her in wonderment. “You are such a bitch.” He told her, his voice full of admiration.
“So are you.” She complimented.
They got to the hotel and Dean went to check them in. Once the two reached their room, Cordy threw herself in one of the beds, sighing happily as Dean sprawled out on the other.
They lay there, enjoying being out of the car. Finally, a question that had been bugging Dean finally got the best of him.
“So…where’d you get the thong?” he asked.
“Oh, it was just one of mine.” Cordy mumbled, half- asleep. That got Dean to sit up.
He swung his legs over the bed and faced her. “You gave my brother you’re underwear.” He growled.
Cordy opened her eyes, hearing his anger. “Not in a sexy way- in a funny way.”
Dean clenched his jaw and stood up. “I’m taking a shower.” He told her, stalking off. Cordelia sighed in frustration; he needed to get laid worse that Sam did.
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Dean stood under the cold streams of water, willing his body to obey him. He’d been in here for twenty minutes, had already jacked-off once, and he still couldn’t calm down. He didn’t know what else to try.
Sighing, he turned off the shower; he could only hope that she was already asleep, with the lights off, with no way to see---nope.
Dean stepped out of the bathroom and right into Cordelia wearing nothing more that an impossibly teeny pair of boxers and a tank top. Yeah, this was doing wonders
for his current condition.
Cordy looked over Dean taking it all in; if she’d thought he was hot before, it was nothing compared to having him soaking wet and in a towel. She looked up at him, her eyes dark.
“Is it true what Sam said? About you not having sex since I got here?” She asked, moving closer. Dean’s breath caught in his throat as she experimentally ran a hand across his chest.
“Yeah.” He managed to get out. “One month and six days.” He gasped as her hand started trailing down his stomach. What was wrong with him? He should be in his element right now, but instead he was acting like a jumpy little kid. “How long’s it been for you?” He choked out as Cordy brushed herself against him.
“Over a year.” Was her throaty reply. His eyes widened. He opened his mouth to reply, but never got the chance because Cordelia covered his mouth with her and kissed him.