Title: The Other One
Author: Heather Sinclair
Email: Heather @buffysboudoir.com
Pairing: None for now.
Spoilers: BTVS Season 6/The Matrix
Summery: A Buffy/Matrix Satire. Willow is approached by Morpheus
Disclaimer: This story, and any content relating to "Buffy the
Vampire Slayer and The Matrix" are not authorized by Fox, Joss Weadon, or the Warner Bros. Studio. I own my computer ... Can I have Buffy and Trinity instead?
Authors Notes: This could be a stand alone, but I have plans to go much farther. Want more?
"Choose the red pill and you'll wake up tomorrow morning. Everything will be the same as before. Choose the blue pill and you'll go deeper into the rabbit hole and find out who the wizard is behind the curtain."
Willow Rosenberg looked back and forth between the his two hands.
"I think you're mixing your movie references. The rabbit hole is from Alice in Wonderland and the Wizard is from the Wizard of Oz."
The face behind the dark glasses smiled. He turned to his PVC clothed female companion. "You see, she is The Other One."
Trinity coughed into her hand. "Coughwackocough"
His other companion, Neo, looked on in awe and whispered to himself. "She will correct your word usage. The prophecy must be true."
Willow reached for the blue pill and picked it gingerly from large hand of Morpheus. "You know my mom told me about the dangers of peer pressure and drugs."
Morpheus sighed and leaned forward. "The blue pill is not a drug but a tracking device so that we may learn your location in the real world."
Willow looked wearingly at the blue pill. "What's the red one do?"
"It's a 'lude."
She put the blue pill back down. Now Willow was ever more conflicted than before. Should she pick the blue pill she would finally have all the answers that she desires. The red would simple chill her out and perhaps if she was lucky she might experience a hallucination or two. Maybe she would even have the courage to ask Buffy out on a date, or maybe just a quickie on the living room sofa. Choices choices.
"Ennie meenie miny moe, catch a Slayer by the toe. If she screams let her go. Chances are her answer's no."
Trinity rolled her eyes. "Oh for Neo's sake just pick one."
Willow eyed her and then continued. "But if she stirs, and currs, surrs, grab her by the fur and watch her purr."
Her finger landed on the hand containing the blue pill and she frowned. "Damn it."
Neo handed her a tall glass of Hawaiian Punch and she popped the pill into her mouth. A tangy-sweet taste assaulted her tongue. "Eeeww, takes like medicine. "
Morpheus face fell slack and he reached into his coat pocket. "Damn it, that was my Viagra."
Neo stared on in awe. "And she will be extremely horny in the beginning. She is The Other One."
Trinity smacked him on the back of the head. "Oh, shut up."
(On board the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Willow blinked furiously in the bright light. "Owwie, what's with my eyes hurting."
Morpheus leaned in, inches from her pale face. "You've never used them before."
Willow's eyes shifted. "Uh, hello. Used them about two minutes ago when you drugged me up with your porno medication."
Morpheus frowned. "Sleep for now. Your muscles are atrophied and we are restoring their use."
Willow looked down at Trinity. She was holding a large phallic shaped object connected to a long black hose that let into the ceiling.
"What's that for?"
Trinity smiled wickedly. "I call it the juicer. Now lean back and enjoy."
(Two days later on the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Willow moved slowly through the bowels of the high tech ship, ducking through hatch after hatch until she made it to the mess area.
A large metal rectangular table sat in the middle of the room with a number of crew members seated around.
Neo stood and offered the seat next to him and she sat.
"What's for breakfast, I'm starved," she said eagerly.
It was her first morning out of the infirmary and supposedly her first day of solid food. Yum!
Someone she didn't recognize slid a bowl in front of her. Willow looked up at the blonde haired girl and smiled. "Thanks." Then she looked down. "Oh joy, Cream of Wheat."
A couple of people laughed in the background. Willow was a little suspicious and eased her spoon into the white creamy substance and tasted a small portion. "Ohmygod."
She spit it back out on the table. The rest of the crew laughed and started throwing money back and forth.
"I told you she eat it! Pay up!" "The Other One, whatever" " Sucker!"
Willow squinted in steamed hatred at the people teasing her. "What is this nasty shi..."
Neo held his hand over hers softly. "Just a little initiation. It's a lard-oatmeal mix. Same thing happened to me the first day."
"Hands!" Trinity shouted out from the kitchen.
(Later in the briefing room of the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
"So why's everything in bright color now and not the tinted green?"
"Matrix smog," answered Morpheus.
"And the reason everyone is so much uglier and we have these nasty clothes?"
"Make up. In the real world there is no such thing as make up. And no malls either."
Willow placed her head in her hands. "Why, oh why didn't I take the red pill?"
Morpheus ignored her question. "We are going to be doing some training today."
He nodded. "Yes we have to get you ready for your premier."
Willow patted her bald head. "Uh, in case you didn't notice, I'm kinda baldy and I don't have any eyebrows. I'm not premiering in anything just yet."
Morpheus frowned. "Uh, sorry about that."
"Is my lack of hair due to the slime mix I was in when the Matrix had me? Did it include some sort of depilatory agent"
"Uh, no. That was Trinity and her straight razor. She thought Neo had the hots for you."
"Come this way I'll show you the loading room."
(Later in the loading room of the Shepressedthebuzzer)
"So you stick that thing in my butt and I'm back in the Matrix? No way."
Trinity grinned innocently. "Uh huh."
"Trinity!" Morpheus yelled.
Neo gasped from the adjoining seat. "And she would not believe their attempts to sodomize her as they did Neo. She is The Other One."
(Later in the Matrix-Sunnydale)
"Cool I get a neat outfit like you guys!
Morpheus looked Willow up and down. "This is your residual self; the way you remember yourself being in the Matrix."
Willow took in her outfit. Everything was black like her companions, but hers was a little more revealing. She wore a peasant blouse and leather pants with a corset cinched very tight. Her patent leather boots were laced up the back and ran the length of her legs raising her up a good four inches on stiletto heels.
Neo was near salivating. "You wore outfits like this?"
Willow blushed mildly. "When Tara was misbehaving I did."
The green tint had returned, Matrix smog. She was indeed home.
"Can we go show Buffy my new outfit?"
Morpheus shook his head. "We have more important duties to attend."
"Tightass." Willow muttered.
"We must see the Oracle."
The crew went downstairs to the bottom floor of the abandoned apartment building and across the street into the graveyard adjacent.
"What's an Oracle?"
Neo sidled up closer. "He is the one who gives us our marching orders and nifty prophecies that have a strange habit of being misunderstood until a very inconvenient time."
Willow was confused. "But Giles' apartment is back the other way."
"We are here." Morpheus announced.
They stood in front of a old crypt that looked vaguely familiar to Willow. "No way."
"You must go down by yourself and speak with the Oracle."
"Spike ... you're the Oracle."
"Bloody wanker, I told Morpheus to get Buffy, not you."
Willow raised an eyebrow. "I think he's been taking a few to many red pills."
He flitted his hand in the air. "Go back and tell him I meant The Chosen One; not The One or The Other One. And definitely not The Souled One, or the Lame Bad Joking One. Not to mention The Other Gay One and The Horny One."
Willow rolled her eyes. "Can't you just say their names?"
He smirked. "Now where would be the confusion in that?"
He looked down at his the tray sitting on the side table. "Here, have a Wheat-a-bit. Their a bit stale, but I promise you by the time you finish eating it you'll feel right as rain."
Willow partook of the Wheat-a-bit and left the tomb. Morpheus greeted her and held his hand to her mouth before she could speak.
"What was said in there was for you alone."
"But ..." Willow protested.
"He ... " She tried once again.
"El shuto upo."
"Tightass," she finally muttered.
"While you were gone, Trinity was abducted by Agent Smith. We must go rescue her. And with The One and The Other One we shall be victorious!"
"Where is she being held?" Willow asked.
Morpheus and Neo both frowned. "In L.A. with a broody vampire name of Angle."
Willow smirked. "Don't you mean Angel."
Morpheus shook his head. "No Angle is Angel's broodier evil counterpart."
Broodier? Willow shuddered.
(Later on the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus laid out the security plans for Angle's compound.
"Security will be our biggest problem. There will be cameras every five feet, monitoring devices every two feet and a contingent of other house guards, whereupon most of which could be used against you two as Agents at any time. There will be at least 27 Agents, a 7 year old schnauzer with no teeth and a rotten pumpkin on the premises as well."
Willow raised her non-existent eyebrow. "And you will be where?"
Morpheus eyes shifted back and forth. "Why right here, of course, holding my hand over this button which will send out an electromagnetic pulse just in case you two are captured which will effectively shut down the Shepressedthebuzzer and make you both brain-dead."
Neo looked on in amazement "Whoa."
"Too late for one of us." Willow quipped. "And why are we trying to rescue her if there is this much security?"
Morpheus grimaced. "She borrowed my Avril Lavigne CD and I don't know where she put it."
(Later in the Matrix - Angle's compound)
"Neo, would you quit grabbing my butt."
Neo was spooked. "And she will not enjoy a playful game of Booty-Grab as did Trinity and Morpheus. She is..."
Willow sighed. "I'm The Other One already. I think everyone has that figured out."
"And she will blow you off like a bad cold..."
Willow watched as Neo dealt with the 27 Agents at the front lobby. The carnage was nothing short of awful. Agents exploded left and right. Some just fell down and died on the spot. After it was over Neo returned and opened the bared double gates and let Willow in.
"Ack! The smell is awful," she commented.
Neo nodded. "Before I was The One I was known as The Gassy One."
Willow looked around at the dead bodies laying on the ground. "Remind me never to serve boiled cabbage for dinner."
(At that same moment aboard the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus had mistaken his Viagra with the red pills and had downed two 'ludes instead.
*Singing to the tune "The Love Boat"*
"The Shepunchedthebuzzerrrrr, soon will be making another run. The shepunchedthebuzzerrrrr promises something for everyone. Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance... Gopher, get me another vodka tonic, a tube of K-Y Jelly, and a picture of Pat Sajak. I'm feeling a bit depraved tonight."
(Thankfully back to the Matrix - Angle's compound)
"OOOOOooooo Baby! Brood for me, Angle! Brood deeper!"
Trinity's voice sang out through the hallway just as Willow and Neo approached Angle's bedroom door.
"That PVC perverted ho is boning the bad guy." Neo said unbelievingly.
Willow's eyes bugged out. "So that's where she got all of that hair gel!"
They couldn't look away. The scene played before them was much like a train wreck; lots of squealing and pennies being flattened.
Willow was treated with one last shock for the night. "Ahh, that's why they call him Angle."
(Later on the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus face was in his hands. "We've lost her."
Willow tried to console him in his grief. "There was nothing you or anyone else could do. Once a woman finds the right man that can hit that so-right spot ... well.
Morpheus nodded. "We better be off then."
Suddenly Willow got a bright idea. "Think we can stop by and pick up the rest of the gang before we take off? I have a feeling that Xander will fall for the Cream-of Wheat gag. I need to make some bets."