Title: Lies and Truth
Summary: Y'all asked for Buffy's explanation... *grin* You got it, plus some
Thanks to Erica and everyone else who liked the other two stories! =) I was just going to do one sequel to 'Moving On' and then I got to thinking what if. I was going to put it into the series category, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. And I haven't forgotten about my other fics. I switched computers and lost everything I'd been working on. As soon as I get time, I'll be posting on the other ones as well.
Reviews are gold, silver, and everything precious!
There was no light in the world she lived in. There was no happiness. There was nothing but the dark and the coldness of her thoughts. She wasn't treated like the other prisoners in this dismal, damned place. Her actions had been enough to gain her an execution, but all the other good things she'd done with her life had awarded her her life. She would rather be dead. She wasn't in one of the cells in the lower levels, but their screams wafted up occasionally. It was the only bright spot in her existence in this hell. She looked out the barred up window and watched the ever present dark clouds pass. It was always raining. For a California girl, it was rather hard to take. Up until now, the only clouds had been in her head.
The blonde slayer- well... former slayer. As part of her punishment, her duties had been stripped. She wasn't the chosen one anymore- no more super strength, super hearing... even the healing was done. She moved towards the twin-sized bed off to the side of the small, spartan room and sat down on the edge. It wasn't all that uncomfortable. It wasn't really comfortable either, just like the room. It was all stone- the floors, the walls. There was a small rug in front of the bed, and a desk off to one side. It was small, a little smaller than her room at home. She had nothing to do with her time here, except maybe write. The books they gave her were few and far between and did nothing to interest her. Buffy Summers wasn't that big of a reader. It'd been almost five years since she'd been exiled here. It would have been a relief if someone would have killed her.
She lay down on the bed and stared at the stone ceiling. She supposed she should have been grateful that she was still alive and not in the dungeons with those big, floaty things that sucked the soul out of people. Not that she really had a soul left to suck out. Her blue eyes stared up, counting the stones absently. She knew how many there were- she'd counted them time and time again. And the stones on the floor. And the stones in the wall.
Her soul had been bartered a long time ago, in a far away land called Sunnyhell. Buffy'd had plenty of time to think about it, and she had yet to come to a conclusion of when she'd started to turn. Her dry and cracked lips curved up in a half-smile as she thought about the fact that her sister slayer, Faith, was now less evil than she was. Maybe that's where the turning point had started. Well, it wasn't exactly the point, but where she'd started to curve. It was a gradual process. It had started when she'd watched Faith fall. Little thoughts that she tried to push away. Dark, nasty thoughts that just intensified when Angelus reappeared. No one else knew about the affair she'd had with the unsouled version of Angel. The dark side of the man she'd thought she loved had brought about feelings she'd never felt before. But then, being seventeen, anything sexual at that point was new to her. He did things to her- she did things that still made her hot to think about. Things that grown women rarely dream about.
Oh, she'd put up a good front, playing the innocent victim as her deranged former lover stalked and tortured her friends. What no one knew was that Buffy had been the one to kill Miss Calendar. The gypsy bitch had been about to take Angelus away. And at that point, the blonde slayer was in too deep and she didn't care. She hadn't been able to help position her dead teacher in her watcher's bed, that was Angelus' idea. She just wished she could have seen Giles' face when she'd been discovered. There was so much they still didn't know. Her crimes were many and as of yet, still blamed on others.
Buffy frowned as she thought back to that night. Angelus had never really meant to open Acathla, it was just a way to play with the others. She was to go to the mansion and they'd play. Fight a little, make it look good just in case some of her little friends had decided to follow her. Then pretend to stake him. She'd bring the ashes of a minion back to the others and cry. She'd cry, and cry and carry on. Then they'd all carry on with their lives. Only then she'd help Angelus pick them off one by one. Starting with Xander and working her way back up to Willow. She and Angelus were going to save her redheaded friend for the last. Not that the slayer would have admitted it back then, but her reasons hadn't been because of Angelus' obsession with her friend. It was because she'd been jealous. Yes, the blonde cheerleader, once popular slayer, was jealous of the nerdy but cute redhead. Nerdy but cute. That's the way she'd always seen her best girl-friend.
Until that nerdy but cute little bitch took Angelus away and replaced him with the pansy-assed, brooding piece of shit Angel. They all thought Buffy had run the sword through Angel to close the portal, but really she'd opened it herself when he was starting to come around. He hadn't understood, the poor son of a bitch. The poor, clueless son of a bitch. Thought she was there to save him, to buy some time until the others could come up with a backup plan. He hadn't remembered anything from when he was unsouled. Nothing. He thought she was the same sweet, innocent little virgin that he'd taken to his bed. That he'd loved for so long. Boy, she still got little happies in her stomach when she remembered the look on his face when she'd run the sword through his stomach and pushed him into the belly of the beast.
Then she'd run away. Not because of the pain of losing Angel like the others thought. But because she'd had to give herself time to come up with a way to get Angelus out of hell. Well, to get Angel out of hell, then bring Angelus back. And she knew she'd kill all the other sniveling bastards that had made her destroy her lover. Especially that redheaded bitch with her innocent green eyes and her whiny, 'I thought I was doing good...' attitude. For such a smart person, Willow was such a sucker. When Buffy had come back to Sunnydale, with her plan firmly in mind, Willow had been the first one to forgive her for leaving them. The blonde slayer hadn't known how good of an actress she was. Soon, they were all back to 'normal'. Of course, she had to play up the depressed, lonely slayer that was valiantly trying to keep it all together and be as normal as possible. Sometimes it was hard, but she managed. No one was the wiser.
Then Angel came back from hell. Buffy had no clue that it had been Willow that brought him back- not until she'd went to LA this last time to bring Angelus back for good. She'd been pissed when her plans had been put on ice because Angel just wouldn't cooperate. He still didn't remember anything that they'd done while he was unsouled. Maybe it was because it was too traumatic for the damned soul and it blocked it out. Maybe- and maybe he was just being an asshole by denying her over and over again. She didn't know, and she didn't really care. He didn't run and blab to the others, so she had to assume he didn't remember. She hadn't tried to remind him either. She'd tried to sleep with him again, to try and jog his memory so to speak. No dice. Apparently the two hundred years he'd spent in hell had changed his feelings towards her. He did remember the look on her face as she sent him to hell. That was unfortunate, but not anything she couldn't smooth over.
He stuck around until after graduation, then left. She should have followed him then, and put the rest of her plan in motion but she'd waited. She got into the charade, started to believe the lies. She even had fun playing with Riley, the stupid boy. He was good in the sack, but not as good as Angelus. No one was as good as the unsouled vampire, but that was a fact that she kept to herself. She watched Willow struggle with Oz leaving, keeping her distance even though she knew her friend needed her. It gave her a little thrill to see the redhead in so much emotional pain. Then there was Tara. Sweet, sweet little Tara. Buffy had almost hated her more than Willow. Almost. It was a stretch to even give her the time of day, but the charade had to be kept up.
Then Warren, and Buffy was given her chance to start the process of alienating her 'best friend'. With any luck, the redhead would have just killed herself after her rampage. But no... Giles had taken her to England and she'd found some other poor bastards to put under her 'I'm so innocent it'll make you puke' spell. She even scored herself a hottie of a wizard. The slayer hadn't been surprised when she hadn't come home. Without the extra eyes, she'd gone ahead with her plan to seduce the soul out of Angel.
It took her a year. A whole year to finally wear him down. Finally fate intervened and she was there at just the right moment when the soul wasn't quite as strong. With Angelus back, they'd actually waited another year before they made his return public. It hadn't been easy with Spike right there, fancying himself in love with her. Angelus took care of that, too. One night with his sire had the blonde vampire firmly back under control and they'd started a nice little threesome. Then it was time to bring everything together. Cordelia was turned first, the hours before her first death something none of them would ever forget. Then the others, even though Buffy didn't really care much for them. She didn't really care that much for Cordelia, the only perk being that it'd hurt her friends that much more knowing that the former cheerleader was a vampire without a soul.
Anya had been fun. For a former demon, Xander's girlfriend had been incredibly gullible. Buffy smiled wickedly as she remembered the three days it took to break the other girl. Maybe her thousand plus years of doling out torture made her withstand it longer. She made sure she was the one to 'find' the pieces Angelus had chosen to give as a gift. Again, she was amazed that she was still such a good actress. But then, it was easy to pretend to be a hysterical mess. Luckily no one looked close enough to notice her eyes were rather dry. She'd been able to squeeze out a few, but not many.
Getting Giles to call Willow was again, rather easy. But she wasn't expecting her to show up with friends, a husband, and a baby on the way. To be honest, it hadn't even phased the slayer. Surprisingly, it had taken a little bit of persuading to get Angelus to continue with their plan. Only with one little, bitty exception. The unsouled vampire wanted the baby. Setting her teeth, Buffy had outwardly agreed. Secretly she had another plan to get rid of the kid as soon as possible. Accidents happened all the time. Newborns could be dropped. Or poisoned. Or any number of tragically fatal things.
Things hadn't gone her way. At all. But it had been fun up to the point that the bitch and her fucking husband had undone everything she'd worked so hard for. All of her planning, all of her sacrifice, everything undone in one half-hour. It hadn't even been Willow that had recursed him. What was worse, it was a different magic than what had been used before. She could feel it as soon as they went through the door. There wasn't going to be a second chance. If they completed it, Angelus was going to be gone forever. When Buffy had seen Angelus hit the floor, she'd lost it completely. Then she'd seen her *best friend* curled up in the corner like the weak little whore she was, she'd snapped. Not caring that the heavily pregnant woman was bleeding and ready to pop, she grabbed her up. Everything from that point on was a blur. She was knocked back away from Willow, and suddenly she wasn't able to move. The next thing she knew she was in this room, and she hadn't seen anything else for the last four and a half years.
The blonde sat up cross-legged on the bed and stared over towards the desk and the pad of paper and pen. If she'd cared to know anything more about the world she'd been placed in, she would have realized how lucky she really was. Another smile touched her lips as she sprang to her feet and walked over to sit at the desk. She picked up the pen and started to write. It was time to see if she could... stir things up a little bit.