Deadly Double Date
Chapter 4 - Deadly Double Date
AUTHORS’ NOTE: We kinda had trouble getting the Aduiue Damballa incantation for this chapter, it only came up as “(chanting)” when we turned on the subtitles for the movie, so we had to sound it out. Sorry.
“C‘mon Xander, I‘m still very horny. Get back into bed and give me some more orgasms,” pleaded Anya from her position on the bed.
Putting on his pajamas, Xander came back out of the bathroom to look at his fiancée, “Ahn, I’m sorry, but I‘m spent. Four times is more than enough for one morning.”
It was eight in the morning at Xander and Anya‘s apartment, and Xander had finally pulled himself away from Anya’s clutches so he could get them ready to go to the Magic Box. Buffy had called the night before, telling them to be at the shop by nine so they could help work on the counter-spell they found to stop Dusk Rayne from bringing any more movie monsters into reality.
“Ahn, we have to be at the Magic Box in an hour and-,” Xander stopped when he heard a strange pattering coming from the living room, “What the hell was that?”
“What was what?,” Anya asked, getting up and putting on a robe.
“I thought I heard something in the living room,” Xander explained.
Reaching under the bed to grab the weapons they hide there, they crept out of the bedroom to face the intruder, Xander with a crossbow cocked and raised and Anya with a sword at the ready.
They searched around the apartment, but were unable to find anyone. They kept hearing more pattering of little feet behind them, and would see things out the corners of their eyes, but every time they turned to look for the source there was nothing there.
“Alright, whoever is in here better show yourselves. We good friends with two Slayers and a powerful witch, so you don‘t want to mess with us,” Xander called out.
“Yeah, leave immediately so that me and my fiancé can continue having sex,” Anya added.
Xander, who was now standing near the couch, turned to Anya, “Ahn, now is not the time to -”
Xander was cut off by a redheaded patchwork doll that jumped up from behind the couch, landed on the arm, and brained him with a bat.
“Hi, I‘m Chucky, wanna play,” said Chucky in a coarse grating voice before letting loose a frightening high pitch cackle.
“XANDER!,” Anya cried out, but before she could go to his aid she felt a sharp point at the small of her back. She turned her neck to see a pretty blonde doll holding a butcher knife to her.
“Don‘t move Sweetie,” ordered Tiffany, “I have big plans for that body of yours and I‘d really hate to cut it up.”
“Ugh, my head,” moaned Xander as he came back to consciousness, “What is it with them all going for head? I feel like there‘s a crack in my skull.”
“Xander, wake up, we‘re in real trouble here,” called Anya.
Opening his eyes, Xander sees Anya tied to a chair in front of him, and then looks down to find himself equally bound.
“Oh crap,” Xander exclaimed, beginning to struggle.
“Hey you two, keep it down,” growled Chucky.
When he saw the two living dolls to his left, Xander exclaimed, “Oh my god, it‘s Chucky and Tiffany.”
“That‘s right cutie,” Tiffany giggled, “And we‘re sorry we didn‘t call before coming over, but we wanted our visit to be a surprise.”
“What are you going to do? Kill us?,” asked Xander.
“Well, that‘s what we were originally asked to do, but then I came up with a much more interesting plan,” Chucky explained, as he pulled the Heart of Damballa out of his tattered overalls.
“Oh no,” frowned Xander.
“What is it?,” asked Anya.
“They‘re going to steal our bodies,” Xander explained.
“That‘s right,” Tiffany cooed, “And we can‘t wait to see the looks on your friends’ faces when we show them the new us. I‘m sure they‘ll just die.”
“Oh yeah, and they‘ll be just the start,” laughed Chucky, “With your body at my disposal, I‘ll become this world’s most famous serial killer since H.H. Holmes.”
The Ray’s stood in front of their desired new bodies, and once they were ready, Chucky began reciting the incantation:
give me the power, I beg of you,
Levau moishea da bua shiou,
Shekua daushei sequaz damort,
En Switch, switch, switch, switch, switch.
A bright flash of light signaled the completion of the spell.
When Tiffany woke up, she was in Anya’s body, but when she spoke it was her own voice that came out of the shopkeepers mouth, “Chucky?”
Chucky, wearing Xander’s skin, spoke in his usual voice, “Tiff?”
“Oh my god, Chucky, we did it. We‘re human again.”
Seeing that it was true, Charles Lee Ray became ecstatic.
“YES! I finally did it. I‘m a man again. I’m finally human, and I‘ll never have to be a stupid plastic doll ever again. I‘m, I‘m…” Chucky cheered, trying to stand up. But when he realized he couldn’t, he looked down, “…tied up.”
“Oh my God,” Tiffany cried, struggling with her bonds, “So am I. YOU IDIOT, WHY DIDN’T YOU THINK OF THIS BEFORE YOU SWITCHED US?”
“I DON’T KNOW, I’VE NEVER GOTTEN THIS FAR BEFORE,” screamed Chucky, trying to free himself, “someone usually stops me before now.”
“DAMMIT, MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE STARTED SEEING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF I HAD LISTEN TO HER I WOULD HAVE MARRIED A SMART, SUCCESSFUL KILLER, INSTEAD OF YOU.”
“WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT WHAT YOUR DAMN MOTHER SAID? JEESE, I KILLED THAT BITCH TWENTY YEAR AGO AND SHE STILL WON‘T SHUT UP.”
By this time the real Xander and Anya had woken up, while in their new doll bodies, and looked at each other.
“Xander?,” said Anya’s voice coming from the Tiffany doll.
“Anya?,” said Xander’s voice coming from the Chucky doll.
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” they screamed simultaneously.
“Hey, you two. Get off your plastic asses and untie us,” demanded Chucky.
“Yeah, I‘m sure they‘ll rush to do that,” Tiffany snarked sarcastically.
Ignoring them, the couple look back to each other.
“Xander what should we do?,” asked Anya.
“I don’t know,” answered Xander
They both came to the same conclusion, and again at the same time, said, “Call Buffy.”
The phone at the Magic Box stared ringing and Dawn rushed to answer it.
“You’ve reached the Magic Box, your one stop shop for all your magical need,” Dawn said before covering the mouthpiece and saying to the rest of the Scoobies, “I always wanted to say that.”
It was already past eleven, and the Scooby gang were waiting patiently for their two late friends to arrive.
Going back to the phone, Dawn asks, “How can I help you?… Oh, hi Xander. Where are you two, you‘re over an hour late?…What?… Oh no… Don‘t worry, we‘re on our way.”
Hanging up the phone, she turns back to the others, “Guys, Xander and Anya are in trouble.”
Buffy and Faith laughed as they rolled all over the floor of Xander’s apartment, clutching their sides after hearing the engaged couple recounted the events of their morning..
“Dammit, this is not funny,” Anya growled, stomping her plastic foot, “Change us back this instant.”
“Now everyone wait a moment, this is all very confusing,” Giles stated, looking down at Anya in Tiffany‘s body, “I’m not familiar with this method of soul transference being done before, and how do we know if you’re truly Anya?”
As if just realizing he was there, Anya looked up and scoldingly wagged her finger at the Watcher, “GILES. What are you doing here? You better not have closed the shop. A closed shop means no money.”
“You’re Anya,” Giles sighed with certainty, “But I‘m still having trouble understanding how it was done, there’s no such reference of Damballa in my studies of Voodoo.”
“That‘s because whatever magic he used was based on the rules of the movie he came from,” Xander answered, and then turning to the hysterical slayers “And dammit you two, will you stop laughing.”
“I’m sorry… he, he, he, but it‘s just so hilarious,” giggled Buffy, “You two just look so funny.”
“She’s right, and it’s all because of these two skilled and infamous killers who ended up switching themselves into tied up bodies. What kind of morons do that?,” added Faith.
The killers in question wanted to comment, but couldn’t due to the gags in their mouths.
Ignoring the continuingly laughing Slayers, Xander turns to Tara.
“Tara, do you think you can switch us back?,” asked Xander.
Tara, who had been examining the Heart of Damballa, looked down on him, “Not with this Xander, I mean even if I did know the incantation, which I don’t, this amulet reeks of dark magic and it might contaminate me if I try to use it. But what I can do is conjure up a chakra that can switch you back, I‘ll just have to run back to the shop and get the required ingredients.”
As she was leaving, Anya called out, “Leave a list of what you take so I can charge you for it later.”
An hour later everyone was back in their own bodies, and the plastic killers were safely tied tightly in a thick burlap sack.
“Let us out of here you little shits, or I swear I‘ll gut you all like fish,” Chucky screamed from inside the bag as he and Tiffany struggled to get out.
Ignoring them, Buffy turned to the rest of the Scoobies questioningly, “What do we do about them?”
Faith gets an evil grin on her face as she asks Xander, “Does this apartment building have an incinerator?”
“Yes it does,” Xander said with an equally evil smirk.
“NO, NO, NOT AGAIN, PLEASE. Listen, we‘ll tell you about the guy who brought us here, if you please don‘t burn us,” Tiffany cried, still remembering how in the movie Jade had kicked her into a burning oven.
Hearing this opportunity, Buffy ordered, “Spill”
“We don‘t know much. We don‘t know where he lives because he conjured us up right out side this apartment building, but I did notice that the DVDs he used to bring us forth had rental jackets on them, so maybe if you found the video store he rented them from you could track him down,” Tiffany rushed out.
All the Scoobies look up in surprise at this information, greatly pleased that they finally had a lead on finding the son of Rayne. Looking back down at the bag, Faith smirked.
“Thanks for the help, guys,” Faith said as she lifted the bag over her shoulder, “Now let‘s get you guys down to that furnace.”
“HEY, you said you wouldn‘t if we blabbed,” Chucky yelled.
“Actually, we never really agreed to that. Sucks to be you,” Faith laughed as she motioned for Xander to lead her down to the incinerator.
“Well, that was a little unsatisfying,” Dusk said, frowning, “Eh, but what should I expect using ‘Bride of Chucky’. Any horror movie past the third sequel ends up being more comical than it is scary.”
But his expression brightened as a new thought came to him, “I think this time I‘ll send in my own personal favorite to liven things up. I hope they love him just as much as I do. But why wouldn‘t they? After all, everybody loves a clown.”
To Be Continued…