Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Minds my Cell

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

Summary: Stuff happens! And Halloween can be the craziest of days when it wants to. Xander is having a bad week, he tries for a boring looking costume. He loses himself in it and finds out his costume wasn’t so boring after all.Will have slash sooner or later.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Bourne Identity MoviesMerKatFR1334,6580196,95328 Oct 0630 Nov 06No

Crazy blind

Minds My Cell
Title: Crazy Blind!
Author: MerKat
Fandom: Bourne Identity/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander/Jason?
Summary: Stuff happens! And Halloween can be the shitiest of days when it wants to. Xander is having a bad week, to not gain attention he tries for a boring looking costume. Things happen, he loses himself in it and finds out his costume wasn’t so boring after all. Xander meets the man behind the costume. This story is a response to Spiritraven’s Halloween challenge! Slash!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the craziness that spews out of my head. All characters belong to their respective owners. I don’t own JACK . . . in fact I don’t even know a Jack or a Jake for that matter . . . If I owned Bourne or Xander I’d have money! Which I don’t.
Author notes & Warnings: M/M fanfic. No Beta. Be afraid. My mood affects my writing. I warn you it could get scary . . .


Dark musty cell . . . Flickering lights . . . Damp moldy air . . . Guards at every corner . . . Magic reducing cuffs on his wrists. Ethan Rayne had to wonder what it was he did. Sitting on his small bunk, in his tiny magic warded cell, Rayne sighed. He couldn’t think of anything at all that he had done wrong . . . at least not lately. Did he forget to pay his taxes?

Looking up as the rusted door to his cell is opened Ethan stared at the soldiers. “So . . . Can I go now?”

“Not yet Mr. Rayne. I need your special talents.” Said a thin haired man in a blue suit. Ethan raised a brow then looked the man up and down.

“Sorry, but you’re not my type.”

The suited soldier man blinked then scowled. “Come with me Mr. Rayne.”

Ethan tried to protest as the soldiers manhandled him. With two soldiers holding his arms and another ahead and behind he felt quite like the sardine in a ver small can. They made their way down the hall then pushed the chaos wizard into another room, the door slammed with such finality it sent shivers down Ethan’s back.

“Well hello Mr. Rayne, My name is Mr. Tanner . . . We have heard of your talents and that wonderful trickery you pulled on Halloween in Sunnydale. We have much to discuss on what we can do for each other. Tell me have you ever heard of project Treadstone. ” Ethan looked at the grey haired portly man in front of him and gave a tired sighed.


“BUFFY!!! WILLS!! I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO BE APART OF THE HALLOWEEN PARTY!!” Yelled Xander as he struggled against the two women that were pulling him into a costume shop. He wanted to stay home and do a little brooding and ice cream eating/movie watching. He wanted to brood. Brood about one of the worst weeks he’s had in a very long time.

Everything would have been fine . . . But all the girls: Buffy, Willow, Faith, the baby slayers, had to take an interest in the Xanman’s love life. One blind date after another made Xander a very depressed young one eyed man. It seamed that every woman his girls had set him up with had a problem with him. Petty things really.

The first date was an old friend of Buffy’s named Kendal, the girl didn’t like him because of his eye, well lack of eye. She was shallow and judged everything by surface value. He had seen the disgust in her bright blue eyes, felt diseased when she would not touch him. If there was ever a possibility of their hands touching . . . she had used a napkin or her sleeve to avoid skin contact. Needless to say Xander had called the date off twenty minutes after it started.

His next date was with a girl named Becky, one of the older slayer’s sister. She was ok and she knew about the night life. But Xander had met enough lesbians to know the signs. The girl had watched every woman that went by and blushed every time the waitress would come to the table. After half an hour with her Xander had set her up with the waitress and payed the bill. She had been decent to him at least.

His next blind date was with a witch friend of Willow’s. THAT girl had freaked him out. One date and she wanted a commitment and a family, by the time desert came she was talking about what to name their first child. Xander had his first true blue restraining order . . . And a powerful protection spell put on his person. The name Wilma Garnish still made him up and duck for cover. When a girl comes at you with a bonding spell, a knife, a crazed fire in her hazel eyes, and threats of castration . . . Buffy had said she had never seen vamps run as fast as Xander did.

And those three dates were the most memorable out of the many his girls had sent him on. The girls wanted to set him up on one last date for the Halloween party. He had said no. NO! And HELL NO!!! But Buffy and Willow are nothing if not insistent. Xander had been hiding in Giles office at the New Watchers Council, but dozens of super powered girls were bound to find him sooner or later. He had hoped for later.

Xander sighed as his shoes slid across the concrete and into the shop. He sighed. He should have worn his other sneakers, they had better traction. In the back of his mind Xander had to wonder how he must look, getting dragged into a costume shop by a pair of petite girls. Granted Buffy was a super strong slayer, and Willow was a goddess type witch. The shop was full. It was one of the small shops near the slayer dorms. Inside were many girls running back and forth screaming about this belt or that glitter covered hat.

“Come on Xander lets go over to the leather side. Get you something sexy for your date! Maybe a cloak! You could go as Zorro!” Said Buffy with a giggle as she and Willow pulled him along.

“Oooo! Look Xander! An Elvis costume!!” Said Willow as she pawed at the white rine stones covered suit.

Growling Xander pulled himself away from the girls. “If I have to go then I’m choosing my own costume!”

Stomping away Xander disappeared among the racks. “I swear one more blind date and I’m going to go so gay!”

Willow blinked. “Do you think he means that? Because I know this great guy . . .”


With a put out scowl on his face Xander dug through bins and racks for his own costume. He was having little luck finding one. He could go as a pirate, he had the eye patch after all. But no. He went as that last year when he had to take some of the baby slayers trick or treating. Digging around in a half-off bin Xander found an interesting bag. It was red and stuffed with fake ids. All of the id’s were blank except for one.

Jason Bourne. Short dark hair. Brown eyes that were hiding secrets behind them. Digging around Xander also found stacks of money, money from many countries. There was also a plastic gun and knife that looked pretty real. Finding the price tag Xander raised a brow. “Only a $1.59? Wow.”

Finding a sniper riffle and some dark clothes Xander brought them all to the counter to pay for them. He smiled. He could go as some sort of spy or something. Maybe if he was boring enough the girl would just leave him be. They say three is a charm . . .what would a thirty second be?

Smiling Xander left the shop. He had only spent nine dollars for his whole costume, which was cool since he didn’t really want to do much this Halloween. With his simple costume and the hopes for a quiet night Xander made his way back to the Watcher’s Council building.


“Sir, everything is going as planned. The agents of the Watcher’s Council are here and buying the tainted merchandise.” Said the thin salesman into the tiny microphone on his suit jacket.

“How many slayers are there?”

“I lost count after the third group came in Sir. But the red witch and the blonde slayer are here. Perhaps half of there forces, thirty or so targets, have bought a tainted costume, Sir.”

“Good. Good. Hopefully Halloween will cause enough chaos for our needs. This night will be one they shell never forget . . . Carver out.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Smirking the sales clerk went back to his counter and sold a gipsy outfit to a tiny sandy haired child he knew was a slayer. Moving around the store the clerk influenced the many little girls into buying his goods . . . many of them went home as princess’, cowgirls, pirates, and cats. But none noticed the odd glow to the costumes, or the shining green gem sewed into a corner of the cloth.

The clerk gave a self-satisfied grin as he closed shop, he waved at the last little girl that left with a mouse costume. Mission complete. “Sir, everything is done on this front.”

“Good Traymen. Operation seize and capture is a go. We begin tonight when the spell is activated. Carver out.”

Traymen pulled out his suitcase as excitement and anticipation started to drum in his mind. They would bring the Watcher’s Council to their knees and deflect all the slayers to Treadstone’s will. Traymen couldn’t wait. Midnight. It would all begin at midnight.

Next Chapter
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking