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Ten Women Illyria Never Built A Kingdom With

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Summary: Written for the "10 Things That Never Happened" challenge. It delivers exactly what the title promises. Illyria/assorted women

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Fred/Illyria-Centered(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR18105,90746034,3152 Nov 0631 May 09Yes

U.S.S. Enterprise (No Bloody A, B, C, or D)

Lt. IllyriaTitle: U.S.S. Enterprise (No Bloody A, B, C, or D)
Author: JoeHundredaire (joehundredaire@tthfanfic.org)
Rating: R/FR18
Disclaimer: All things Star Trek belong to Paramount, and presumably Gene Roddenberry's estate in some way. It turns out Whedon might not actually have the rights to the Buffy gang, but someone who's not me does. Not mine, don't sue, and so forth and so on.
Summary: Illyria's kingdom is small but it's hers.
Joe's Note: It's not easy being green. Or blue. Together, though, it's not so bad. For anyone who read and enjoyed this story, I'm not sure when or if I'll turn any of these into real stories, so if there's something that catches your eye, take it and run with it. Just lemme know you have, so I can come read and review.



     Some days, James Tiberius Kirk still couldn't believe his luck. One minute, he'd been facing disciplinary action for cheating at the Academy and possible suspension or expulsion. Now? He was the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, flagship of Starfleet and one of only two Constitution-class heavy cruisers in existence. The only one in service, with the pathfinder remaining at Utopia Planitia to use as a test bed for further refinements of the class.

     While the ship had proven itself again Nero and his ship from the future, going above and beyond in saving Earth from destruction, Starfleet had ordered them out into deep space on a six month shakedown cruise to test out the ship and her largely virgin crew. And a little birdy named Admiral Pike had told him that barring a major problem, the ship would return from its six month voyage, resupply, and begin a five year voyage of exploration.

     Thank God he and Spock were getting along better now, Kirk mused. Six months with the man would have been unbearable with their previous adversarial relationship; five years would have been pure torture.

     As Kirk walked slowly along deck two, taking in with his own two eyes places he'd previously only seen on schematics, a very familiar moan caught his attention and he froze in his tracks. That sounded almost like… the moan came again, louder this time, and Kirk was sure of it. Gaila.

     Cocking his head to the side, he waited for the noise to come again and began to slowly walk backwards, tracking the moan to its point of origin. One of the science labs, it turned out: Stellar Cartography. Kirk quirked a brow in an almost Vulcan-like fashion at that revelation. He'd come down to deck two to meet Spock's divisional heads, including the elusive Lieutenant Winifred Burkle of Stellar Cartography. Only instead of the good lieutenant, he had found Gaila up to her old fun, in a public area to boot. He sighed; what was the best way to state something like this on a reprimand? Definitely not 'fucking in a public place'. Perhaps… 'engaging in carnal relations in an inappropriate location'? Ooh, that sounded very mature and intellectual. Yeah. He'd use that.

     In a public area such as deck two's science labs, the automatic doors were programmed to automatically open when a crewman got within a few inches. Seeing as how he was practically pressed against it and it had yet to move, Kirk decided that Gaila had taken advantage of her computer skills and convinced the ship to lock the door. Smart, but not enough to keep him out. Raising his hand, Kirk went to press his thumb against the narrow pad to the right of the door so he could authenticate and override Gaila's control, only to freeze when the constant stream of moans was cut off by a yipe and then a whimper of pain. Then a voice emerged from within the room, a female voice that definitely did not belong to his Orion ex-lover. "I warned you about attempting to harm my shell, did I not?"

     "Yes."

     "Yes what?"

     "Yes, Mistress."

     "Then why did you attempt to bite me again just now?"

     "I… don't know?"

     "I see." There was a long pause before the unknown woman's voice returned. "Remove your posterior's coverings, elevate your skirt, and bend over my workstation. Now."

     Kirk's eyes widened. As much as this new facet of Gaila intrigued him, he realized it was his duty to put a stop to what was going on. Pressing his finger against the scanner, he instinctively looked up at the ceiling. "Computer, authorization code Kirk alpha-alpha-three-zero-five. Override lock and open door, deck two, Stellar Cartography lab." The door swished open, allowing Kirk access, but he only made it three steps into the room before feeling his feet leave the ground, his back slamming into the wall a moment later. A hand tightened around his throat as icy blue eyes stared up at him. "You have intruded upon my domain. Why?"

     Clawing at the hand around his throat, Kirk thrashed and kicked, struggling vainly to gain his freedom. Eventually, he realized it was like facing the Romulan: he was just plain outmatched. And the woman holding him, clad in a sciences division uniform with no belt and therefore no holstered phaser, had him trapped. He took a moment to study the woman: human, or human-esque, with pale skin, icy blue eyes, blue tinting to the skin along her hairline, and blue streaks in her hair. Was she a human with odd fashion sense or something else entirely? And if the latter… what? "Your… domain? Lieutenant… Burkle… I… presume..?"

     "Mistress… technically this is his domain. That's Captain Kirk. Remember? I pointed him out to you when we came on board?" Smoothing her red operations uniform down, Gaila slowly approached Burkle from behind, putting her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders. "I'm pretty sure choking your captain to death would get you a court martial."

     Burkle waited a moment longer before relaxing her grip, sending Kirk crashing to the deck at her feet. "Your purpose as my Qwa'ha Xahn is to be my guide as humanity reaches further out into the cosmos. I accept your analysis of the situation. But do not think you will escape the punishment you deserve. This will only delay it for the time being."

     Slipping to the side, Gaila gave a little bow as Burkle stomped past, heading back to her workstation. After watching her blue-tinged companion for a moment longer, Gaila turned and offered Kirk a hand up. "Hey, Jim. How've you been? I keep meaning to say hi but you know it is… captain of the ship, lowly officer he used to have sex with when he was a cadet… it would look really bad if I came near you outside of work."

     Kirk reached up to rub his throat. "Yeah, got that speech from Spock already. Which promises to make the next six months painful and the five years after that unbearable." He shook his head in disbelief; no sex for five years? What kind of masochist had come up with the fleet's fraternization policies? Probably a Vulcan. Suddenly he realized Gaila was staring at him oddly and he remembered the original question. "And not bad. Got choked by the acting captain. Got choked by a Romulan. Got promoted to the fleet's flagship. Got choked by a subordinate. You?"

     "Oh, you know. Got the Farragut blown out from under me. Spent hours in an escape shuttle making my way to Delta Vega. Froze my ass off for three weeks waiting for Starfleet to come collect me. Got investigated because SOMEONE used me to cheat on the Kobayashi Maru. Used my lover's connections to keep from being expelled and was placed on activated probation under her supervision for the next two years." Gaila shrugged. "Nothing big."

     While their familiarity with each other had suggested that this was more than another of Gaila's fun 'n run encounters, hearing that it stretched back all the way to the Academy surprised Kirk. So did the fact that Burkle evidently had powerful connections inside Starfleet. "Who is she? Aside from the obvious, I mean. She can save your career from the mess I dragged you into, which I'm very sorry about by the way…"

     "No you're not, but thanks for apologizing anyways."

     "…she's allowed to dye her hair and skin like that in violation of the Starfleet personal appearance regulations, she's been on the ship for a month and a half and I hadn't seen her before today…" Kirk stared at Burkle's back in frustration; he hated mysteries with a passion. "Who is Winifred Burkle?"

     Gaila hesitated, shooting a glance back over her shoulder at Burkle, before leaning in. "If you can, get into pre-Federation personnel records. Private Winifred Burkle of the MACOs, assigned to the Enterprise in 2153. See where that leads you."

     Oh… kay?

The End

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