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Cultural Learnings of American Vampire Hunters

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Summary: Please, you come see my storyfic. If it not success, I will be execute.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Borat(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR1314271152,3766 Nov 066 Nov 06Yes
Title: Cultural Learnings of American Vampire Hunters
Author: JoeHundredaire (
Rating: PG/FR13.
Disclaimer: Someone who isn't me and might be Joss Whedon owns the Buffy people, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm glad I don't own Borat... he smells a bit funny.
Summary: Please, you come see my storyfic. If it not success, I will be execute.
Joe's Note: *bangs head on desk* This is for Skotti and Wise. Sick f*cks.

     Willow Rosenberg smiled sunnily at the nicely-dressed, if a bit oddly-smelling, man and his assistant. "Sure, I'd love to answer some questions about the Joyce Summers School for Gifted Girls," she told him. "Mister... Borat?"

     "Dzienkuje!" Borat Sagdiyev exclaimed. "Very nice, very nice." He looked over her shoulder at the impressively large building that housed the school. "So, file from Ministry of Information says you are a Jew?"

     Bristling at the man's tone, Willow glared at him. "And what if I am?" she wondered.

     Borat backed away from her a bit. "In Kazakhstan, three main issues: economic, social, and Jew," he informed her. "To make country strong, we must throw the Jews down the well." Stepping forward again, he went up on his toes and stared at the top of her head. "Where do you hide your horns? Did you have what is called the plastic surgeries?"

     Willow's eye twitched. Then they began to bleed black, as did her hair. Try as she might, she simply could not contain her rage and hatred for the foul little man. Thrusting her palm out, she shouted, "DIE!"

     "Willow!" Xander exclaimed, bursting out the front door of the school. He reached her side just as the man's corpse gave up its fight with gravity and collapsed to the ground. "That's Sasha Cohen!" Willow looked at him blankly, which was quite easy with solid black eyes. "He's an actor and a Jew! The character is a part of this social commentary thing he does!"

     Willow's eyes widened and she stared at the corpse on the ground. "Oh Goddess!" she exclaimed. Well... she couldn't resurrect Tara with magical means because she died a normal death, but surely killing a man with magic counted as a (duhh) magical death? "Undie!"

     The corpse, already starting to turn grey and rot from her spell, twitched a few times. The eyes opened and he rose from the ground slowly. After shuffling from side to side a bit, he found his balance and gave a grin full of decaying teeth. "I like you!" he exclaimed. "I like sex! Is nice! High five!" He raised his arm and held it out towards Willow... until his hand fell off. "No good."

     "We are in such deep poop," Willow moaned.

The End

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