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A Long Way From Sunnydale

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Summary: AU 7th year Harry Potter crackfic. Buffy Summers is tapped to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. When the students and staff of Hogwarts start acting erratically, it's up to Buffy and Snape to solve the mystery. Eventual Buffy/Snape.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Buffy-Centered > Pairing: Severus SnapedruplusspikeFR181128,14701614,7697 Nov 067 Dec 06No

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I make no claim to copyrighted material. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and Joss Whedon, I'm making no money off of this.

“Well, it’s…castle-y,” said the young blonde woman, pushing her sunglasses onto her head. She didn’t even know why she wore them since it was overcast.

“Definitely castle-y,” said the redhead. “I’d even say it’s turret-y.”

“I’m really going to go to school here?” squeaked the youngest girl.

“Well,” said the man cleaning his glasses, “Since you’ve gotten your letter, yes.” He checked his watch, “We’d better hurry, the meeting will be soon and negotiating the halls can be…treacherous.”

“Treacherous?” said the blonde. “What does he mean by ‘treacherous?’”

“I read in Hogwarts: A History that the rooms move sometimes and there are trick stairs and loads of secret passages,” said the redhead.

“Wait, there’s a book?” asked the blonde. “I didn’t know there was a book! Was I supposed to study?”

“Dumbledore doesn’t seem to think that knowledge of Hogwarts is necessary for teaching there,” replied the man.

“It’s a shame that Xander couldn’t come,” said the youngest.

“Maybe it’s the best,” said the blonde. “If he came Anya would come and we don’t really know the Hogwarts’s stance on former vengeance demons.”

“Or former dark witches,” said the redhead nervously.

“The Board of Directors is aware of your history,” said the man. “They considered you completely rehabilitated and believe that you have proven your merit with your service at the Hellmouth.”

The group had walked down the path to a set of stairs and enormous double doors. An old man with a long white beard stood watching them with piercing blue eyes.

“Hello, Rupert,” said the man merrily.

“Albus, it’s good to see you again,” said Giles as he shook hands with Dumbledore. “This is Willow Rosenberg, Buffy Summers, and Buffy’s younger sister, Dawn Summers. Dawn has been accepted as a student at Hogwarts,”

“Yes, I recall seeing the list of new students. You’re very lucky, Dawn, very few students ever see Hogwarts outside of the school year.”

“Shall we go in?” asked Giles.

“Yes, everyone is looking forward to meeting our potential new professors.” Albus turned and the doors opened slowly. “Follow me and be sure to watch your step,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Buffy and Willow glanced at each other before being absorbed by the splendor of the entrance hall. The ceiling was so high that they could barely see it. There were four hourglasses that were filled with golden, green, red, and blue gems. They were all in the top chambers of the hourglasses since no one had earned any house points.

Giles obviously had been to Hogwarts before as he was completely collected.

They followed Dumbledore up a wide marble staircase and through a door where they turned right. They passed several classrooms before they came to another staircase that they climbed up.

“Uhm, Buffy?”

“Yes, Dawn?”

“Is it just me or are the people in these portraits moving?”

Buffy stopped and looked. “Yeah, I think they are.”

“They’re enchanted to move,” explained Giles.

“Cool,” said Dawn and thought, I wonder how big a bag I’d need to steal one?

They made a left and then another right into an empty corridor with a stone gargoyle. Dumbledore walked up to it and said, “Sugar quill.”

“Will, what’s he doing?” asked Buffy.

“Certain rooms at Hogwarts are password protected, watch!”

Buffy looked up just in time to see the gargoyle step aside, revealing a circular staircase gliding upward.

“Wow,” said Dawn, “Just like the mall! Only much more convenient. And better! Much, much better than the mall…” Dawn trailed off.

Dumbledore just smiled at her.

They rode up the staircase until they reached a landing with a dark wooden door that was open. They entered a large circular room with a table in the middle.

Four people were sitting at the table—a woman with frizzy grey hair, a very short bearded man, a woman with black hair pulled back in a tight bun, and a man with a chin-length curtain of greasy black hair.

Yikes, thought Buffy, Isn’t shampoo allowed in the magical world?

She looked up and saw the man glaring at her and she had to bite back a snicker.

“These are Professors Sprout, Flitwick, McGonagall and Snape. They are the respective Heads of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, and Slytherin houses. Additionally, Professor McGonagall is the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts.”

“Hello,” said Buffy and Willow.

Dumbledore conjured four chairs for Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Dawn.

“Please, sit down. We have much to discuss.”

“Thank you.” They sat in the squashy chairs.

“Are you ready to start recording, Minerva?” asked Dumbledore.

“Yes, sir,” said Professor McGonagall. She picked up a quill and put it to a piece of parchment and then let it go, where it hovered, ready to write.

“We’re here at the Headmaster’s office on 15 August 1997 to determine the competency of Miss Buffy Anne Summers and Miss Willow Rosenberg to begin teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and Muggle Studies, respectively, at Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Present at the meeting are the four heads of houses, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Rupert Giles, Buffy’s watcher, Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, and Dawn Summers, Buffy’s sister who seems to follow her wherever the hell she goes,” said Professor McGonagall, the quill recording everything.

“Let’s start with Miss Rosenberg,” said Dumbledore

“Hello, Miss Rosenberg,” said Professor Sprout. “Can you describe your experience in the muggle world for us?”

“Well, I was born in it. I went to school in the muggle world and I’ve just finished four years of college.”

“Have you ever worked in the muggle world?”

“Yes, I’ve tutored students in high school. I also covered a computer science class for a semester when the teacher died.”

“When did you discover magic?” asked Professor McGonagall.

“When I was sixteen. The teacher who died, she was of gypsy descent and a technopagan, and I learned magic from her records.”

“So you have experience with learned magic, common muggle magic? What makes you think you could survive in the wizarding world” interjected Professor Snape.

“Well, I can clearly survive in the wizarding world. I can see Hogwarts, that’s a start. Most muggles can’t even see Hogwarts—“

“I am aware of that,” hissed Snape.

“Severus!” said Professor McGonagall, “We have already discussed at length whether or not Miss Rosenberg and Miss Summers will be safe at Hogwarts. The fact that they were able to get there is proof of that. Please stick to relevant questioning.”

Willow shifted uncomfortably in her chair and snuck a quick glance at Buffy. Buffy gave her a surreptitious thumbs-up. The meaning was clear, You’re doing ok.

“I don’t think it’s irrelevant to question their ability to function in the wizarding world,” said Snape irritably.

“Severus, you have made your thoughts on the matter more than clear,” said Dumbledore in a tone that made it clear that the subject was closed.

Buffy caught herself glaring at Professor Snape. Who was he to judge whether or not Willow could function? She knew that Willow would excel in the wizarding world.

“Miss Rosenberg,” continued Professor McGonagall, “Did you specialize in any particular subject while studying in the muggle world?”

Willow brightened up.

“Yes, in high school I focused on computer science and the biological sciences. I’m very skilled with computers, things like obtaining records and hacking into systems and things like that which you would never need because you have magic to do that stuff for you and I wouldn’t do anything illegal, anyway…” Willow trailed off, looking panickedly at Buffy.

“What I think Willow means is,” said Buffy, interjecting for the first time, “Once, when we were in high school we found out that the mayor was really a century-old warlock that was planning on turning himself into a giant snake demon and feasting on the whole town. Willow was able to get the floor plans of the mayor’s office so we could break in and steal his box of spider-demons that he needed for the ritual. And I know this sounds really bizarre but Willow is really great at that sort of thing. She would never use her computer skills for bad.”

Professor Snape looked like he wanted to say something snarky but something stopped him, probably a quick glare from Professor McGonagall.

Who does this guy think he is? Thought Buffy.

“Thank you, Miss Summers,” said Professor McGonagall. “Please continue, Miss Rosenberg.”

“Well, in college I majored in psychology with a minor in biology. I even got to study with Maggie Walsch, a famous psychologist. That would have been great if she hadn’t been working with the government on a secret plan to make an android-demon hybrid. I just graduated college with honors.”

“Miss Rosenberg, you spoke of having experience with teaching. Can you control a classroom? What would you do with a student who was misbehaving?” asked Professor Flitwick.

“I was able to control a classroom when I taught computer science, even though I was the same age as the students. I’ve had to deal with some troublemakers before. This one student I tutored, Percy, wanted me to do the work for him, but I think in the end I got through to him. What I try to do is find out why they’re misbehaving and solve that problem.”

There was a brief pause.

“Are there any further questions?” asked Professor McGonagall.

Everyone shook their head “no.”

“Miss Summers,” began Professor McGonagall, “Let me just say that we have examined your academic records and they were…interesting. Your behavior at your past schools would have led you to be expelled from Hogwarts were you a student here. What do you have to say about that?”

“My behavior in the past was inexcusable. But in my defense, I was just trying to get my job done. I had a lot of constrictions, I had to put up a façade and act like I was everybody else when the truth couldn’t have been further from that. Yes, I broke the rules but I saved a lot of lives doing so.”

“You burnt a gym down,” said Professor Snape.

“Yes, but it was full of vampires. I did what I thought was best. You know, everyone always mentions how I burnt down the gym, but no one ever mentions how many times I saved the world.”

Buffy was trying to keep from losing her temper but this man irritated her to no end.

Snape’s dark eyes flashed. “How many times have you saved the world?”

“Well, I don’t exactly keep track, but off the top of my head; I stopped the Master from rising, he was like the king of the vampires, very old and very icky. I died doing that, by the way. I stopped him from being resurrected, too. I stopped the Judge from destroying all humanity. I stopped the demon Acathla from sucking us into a hell dimension, while killing my boyfriend who had turned evil. I blew up the mayor after he turned into a snake demon-thing and saved a lot of lives. There was that thing in college with the Vahrall demon. I stopped the demon-android Adam, which, by the way, Willow helped a lot with her Sumerian enjoining spell. I’ve heard that that’s a bit of tricky magic. And I stopped Glory from turning our dimension into hell on earth, I died during that too.”

Buffy stopped.

“Is that enough? And Giles is teaching me magic, I’m catching up really fast.”

“And Buffy has stopped a lot of minor apocalypses too,” interjected Willow.

“Have you ever taught in a classroom setting before?” asked Professor Sprout.

“Not so much, but the Scoobies, uhm, those are my friends that slay with me, they’ve learned a lot about fighting and stuff.”

Buffy struggled. I sound so lame, she thought. She thought she noticed a slight smirk on Professor Snape’s face. Is he reading my mind?

“She’s taught me a lot,” said Dawn.

Everyone stared at her as she spoke for the first time.

“She’s taught me loads, not just about Slaying but about life.”

Buffy chanced a glance at Willow. Willow smiled at her and gave her a thumbs-up this time.

The room was silent again.

“Are there any further questions?” asked Dumbledore. “If there are none, I’d like to adjourn this meeting. It was very interesting meeting you, Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg.”
“Thank you, Headmaster,” they both said.

“We will owl you the results of our deliberations. Rupert, you must come over for lunch sometime, too, while you’re on the island.”

“Yes, of course,” said Giles, shaking Dumbledore’s hand.

As they left, when Dawn thought no one was looking, she stole one of the magical mechanisms off of Dumbledore’s table and put it in her bag.

“Well,” said Buffy as they stepped out of the castle. “That was bracing.”

“I think you did admirably well,” said Giles.
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