The Zombie Plan
Crossover with Red vs. Blue.
I own neither Supernatural characters nor Buffy characters. Red vs. Blue isn’t mine, either.
Winchesters discuss zombie plans with the Scoobies.
“You mean to tell me that you don’t have a Zombie Plan?” Dean slammed a shot of tequila and smirked at Buffy, who looked at him as though he was crazy.
“Still trying to figure out what the hell you mean, Winchester.”
“A Zombie Plan! You know, what you’re going to do when Zombies attack us due to some dread plague?” Sam slouched over and took a sip from his beer. “Sammy, do you hear this? Summers doesn’t have a Zombie Plan.” Sam sprayed beer all over Buffy, who squealed in disgust.
“You don’t have a Zombie Plan? Has slaying demons for over five years taught you nothing?”
“OK, stop with the freaking Zombie Plans. You guys have got to be pulling my leg. Dawn, do you know about this?”
The littlest Winchester scurried over from the pool table, where she had been solidly whipping Xander’s slightly chubby behind. “What’s up, blondie?”
Buffy ignored the nick name. “What do these guys mean by 'Zombie Plan'?”
Dawn looked at the oldest slayer in shock. “You don’t have a Zombie Plan?” She turned and looked at her brothers. “She doesn’t have a Zombie Plan!” Dean and Sam confirmed this startling fact with twin nods of assent. “Everyone’s got a Zombie Plan!”
“Well, in that case, what’s your Zombie Plan?” Buffy sneeringly asked, put out that she obviously wasn’t in on this joke.”
“I barricade myself in the attic with over three months supply of food, by which stage the Zombie’s desire for human flesh will have caused them to eat one another, paving the way for me to start the whole world over again.” Dawn rattled off with practiced ease. Obviously, this had been given a lot of thought.
Dean sniggered at his little sister. “You’ll never make it. The Zombie’s will find a way to break down the attic door – you know that their taste for fresh human flesh is insatiable. Tell you what, there’s still room in the Impala for you to tag along with me and Sammy to Alaska.”
“Alaska? What are you guys talking about?” A rather put out Xander had come looking for his absentee competitor.
“Zombie Plans. Hey, what’s yours?” Dawn asked, stealthily stealing a sip of his drink while he was distracted.
“I don’t have a Zombie Plan.” Xander responded, taking his drink back from Dawn. Buffy sighed in relief.
“Thank God, I was beginning to think…”
“I have thirty nine Zombie Plans.”
Buffy blinked. “What?”
“Thirty nine. Most of them, however, involve throwing Spike at them while I run in the opposite direction, screaming like a little girl.” All three Winchesters nodded their approval. “What are you guys thinking of doing?”
“Well, Dawn here wants to barricade herself in the attic with three months supply of food, but Dean and I will probably drag her with us to Alaska.”
“Sorry guys, but why Alaska?” Buffy interrupted.
“Well, Zombies, as you should well know, have a naturally low body temperature. They’ll never venture that far north.” Sam grinned at the girl he was currently looming over. Xander scoffed at Sam’s suggestion.
“You guys will never make it to Alaska – the interstate will be a totally clogged tasty fresh human flesh highway of delight for those undead suckers.”
“That’s totally what I tried to tell them!” Dawn piped up, quickly ducking to avoid the hand that Dean swiped at her with. Willow chose that moment to join the group, and Dean’s hand ended up brushing against her breast on the upswing. Willow blushed profusely, while Dean just smirked. “So, Willow, do you have a Zombie Plan?” Dawn asked. Buffy was almost certain that she would now find a sane ally in amongst all this craziness.
“Of course. I’m going to Alaska.” Dean grinned at her. Willow blushed once more.
“So are we. Wanna catch a ride?” Sam offered. Dean continued to watch the red head with stars in his eyes, while Dawn sniggered at him behind his back.
“Mad. You’re all mad!” Buffy couldn’t contain herself any longer. She got up and stomped out of the pool bar. Bloody Winchesters and their bloody Zombie Plans.
She was so totally going to come up with the best Zombie Plan ever.