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Xander's Irregulars

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Summary: AU Season Seven. Through a variety of means, Xander has met a few rather scary (to the bad guys) groups and individuals. Right now, he's calling for back-up...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-CenteredcranstonFR1511,2722304,93624 Nov 0624 Nov 06No
I own none of the characters in this story.

What would have happened if Xander called for help after the assault on the vineyard?



Summers Household

“We’re going back to the vineyard.”

There was a stunned silence at Buffy words.

“There’s something there. We’ve been worrying about the Seal, but if that’s so important then why are all the Bringers and Caleb at the Vineyard? Caleb said he had something of mine, so we’re going to take it back!”

Giles spoke up “Buffy, while your reasoning is grounds for further research of the vineyard, we’re in no shape to attempt another assault.”

“Be quiet Giles, there’s no time for research. We’ve got to go now!” Buffy exclaimed.

“Why?” asked Kennedy.

“Because we need to move quickly. The longer we wait the further along the First’s plans get. Right guys?” Buffy glanced around at the Scoobies and assembled SIT’s.

“I disagree.” stated Giles.

“Uh, I’m not sure.” muttered Willow.

Buffy looked at the last of the ‘core’ Scoobies. The person who had never deserted her, ever. The one who saw her for her and not just the ‘Slayer’. “Xand…?”

Xander looked up, the eye patch covering the remains of his left eye still a shock to her. “I’m trying to see your reasoning here Buff, but I can’t. perhaps it’s too far to the left.”

Buffy was distraught, those she trusted were abandoning her, again! “Dawn, what about…”

“I’m sorry Buffy, but you’re just wrong this time.”

Xander jumped in. “That’s not entirely true.”

Everyone looked at him, amazed.

“It’s idiotic to attack now, we’re all tired and injured. We wait till morning, gives us time to rest up. It also means those too injured to join the battle won’t be under threat from vamps. Finally, we call in the reserves.”

“What!” exclaimed Buffy “I’m the Slayer, I’m in charge! Plus, who exactly do you suggest we call?”

“The Fang Gang. Riley’s team. Maybe…”

“Look, I am in charge, this is my town! We don’t need their help…”

“Shut up!” snarled Xander.

“Wha…”

“I am trying to keep my temper here, and you’re making it much harder Buff. There is no reason we shouldn’t call for help and no reason for you to snap orders like we’re your flunkies. I strongly suggest no-one leaves the house till dawn, and that we all get some sleep. I’m gonna make some calls.”

With that, Xander strode out of the house to the porch, pulling a cell phone from his back pocket as he went. Leaving a stunned slayer, a surprised Wiccan, an impressed Watcher and a hoard of SIT’s who had suddenly developed major crush’s on the guy who’d just snubbed ‘General Buffy’. Faith just grinned “that’s my Boytoy…” she murmured.



Xander’s phone conversations

Ring, ring.

“Deadboy, we’ve got a big-time apocalypse here and could use some help…problems of your own?…ok, need any help?…well, I can divert some of my friends to back you up…you sure, they’re good…ok, see you the flip side, Overbite.”

Ring, ring.

“Erik, good to hear your voice…I know, but we’ve got a major situation here…yep, blood-god big…can you be here by morning?…cool, see you then.”

Ring, ring.

“Clark, it’s me…I know I said I’d visit, but it’s been hectic here for over two years…well, I need help now…by tomorrow morning if you can…that fast? You have improved…ok, see you then.”

Ring, ring.

“Reddy!…I know, but you ask for it wearing that coat…Listen, I know you said not to call you that…look, we’ve got a situation…yes, important enough to call you…well, I’m voluntarily calling you and will hafta explain this to a pair of Slayers…tomorrow morning? Great. See ya.”

Ring, ring.

“Alex, sorry to call during work hours, but I need your help. I know it’s a long way from Detroit, but could you get to Sunnydale as soon as you can, tomorrow morning if possible…Oh, you picked up… It’s a code ‘666’ if you know what I mean. I know it’ll be pushing it…hey, Erik said he could make it, and he’s got to get here from New York…ok, bye big guy.”

Ring, ring.

“Hiya Riley…well, we’ve got a army of super-vamps here…well, I thought you’d like in…I know it’s your job, you telling me you don’t love it?…I know man, hey I’ll introduce you to Robin Wood, and you can plot Spike’s not-soon-enough second death…when can you get here?…early tomorrow, cool.”

Ring, ring.

“Hiya Colonel…well, I’ve got me a parasite problem…well, I wouldn’t say no to you and your team coming to visit…it could get heavy…tomorrow morning too soon?…yes, it is that desperate…you’re a jet jockey, fly them over…see ya tomorrow Jack.”

Ring, ring.

“Dutch… I’m sorry to do this, but I need your help…load for ‘leech’s’ if you know what I mean…I know you’re retired, but…don’t make me fight dirty…-sigh- you’d be fighting beside someone very happy to see you alive…yes, she’s here, but doesn’t know I know you…yes, I am a bastard…tomorrow then…bye.”

Xander glanced around. “I’ll never live this down if anyone finds out…”

Ring, ring.

“Harrigan, it’s me…yeah, we’ll go drinking later…I need the LAPD ‘blind’ to the Angel Investigations crew for a while…they’re dealing with an apocalypse right now and don’t need any trouble with your lot…I know…look, I’ve got some serious weight arriving tomorrow, they’ll straighten it out…my word on it…thanks…one more thing…you’re the second person to tell me that tonight…well, could ya send Harrelson’s team this way loaded for bear?…super-vamps, lots of them…we need all the help we can get…thanks man…you are not too old for this shit! You need to spend less time with Murtaugh…see ya round.”

Xander’s head whipped up as someone approached from his newly blind side, then relaxed.

“Hey G-Man.”

“Xander. Under the circumstances, I would like to know just who you’ve asked to join us here. It’s been much too long for phone calls to just Angel and Riley.”

Xander sighed heavily. “Some of the best guy’s in the world Giles, and I’ve just dragged them into a war.”

“Yes, well…”

“I’ll explain when they’ve all arrived.”

“That may not be soon enough.”

“Giles, all the people I just spoke to trust me enough to do as I ask, drop everything their doing and high-tail it here. I met most of them on my road trip and they’re all good-guys. Trust me, just for tonight. Please.”

“Alright Xander. When they’ve all arrived.”

“Thanks G-Man. Uh, Buffy’s Slaydar may be triggered by some of them…”

“Oh dear lord…”

“Help me restrain her.”

“That I will. I may distract her with the knowledge that you‘ve got enough pull with the LAPD to ‘disappear’ Angel and his team from police interference.”

“It’s a favour from a friend, and he’ll catch hell for it if Riley’s bosses won’t square it, but Angel doesn’t need the distractions right now.”

A sudden gust of wind surprise Giles, while Xander grins at the man who’s appeared near them.

“Hi Clark, come on in.”



Greetings all, I’m leaving it there for now, mostly because I’m curious how many of Xander’s friends people can identify from the phone calls. Anyone who gets them all will win a cookie!

Now, leave a review, you know you want to…

The End?

You have reached the end of "Xander's Irregulars" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 24 Nov 06.

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