Chapter 15: Dark Thoughts
Chapter 15: Dark Thoughts
Who am I really?
I used to think I was simply Sarah, abandoned daughter of parents too interested in the new boy to give her the attention she deserved. I was wrong and I was arrogant, but it took the labyrinth to teach me the error of my ways.
I would not hesitate to admit that I look back on the person I was with some contempt, but I would also be forced to admit the changes were not all for the good. How can they be? I myself have power now, power that I must adapt too, learn to control, power that I stole from another.
It has made me a target and it has forced me to turn my back on my family. They cannot know who I am or how I came to be, they would not understand, they are not ready to believe. Is that a good thing that I had the strength to turn my back on all I knew including the boy I risked the Labyrinth for, the boy that, in a way, triggered all this?
Not to mention, the threat of them being used to control me, control my power, turn all that I am to darkness.
I am no longer simply Sarah am I?
Then again, was I ever truly just Sarah?
All the seeds of the person I am now must have been there, the morale strength to keep going when all was rigged to force me back, the heart to recognise and help a friend even as they tried to hide how much they cared behind an uncaring, scared façade and the eyes too see that just because somebody doesn’t look human doesn’t automatically mean they are to be feared.
Well, that’s my quota for blowing smoke up my own arse today, geez, I think I just redirected my arrogance instead of controlling it. If somebody had said even half of that about me where I could hear there would be a new lighthouse in the room…
Still, the point is accurate I suppose, after all, you don’t just go from arrogant self-centred brat to defeating the Goblin King unless there was always that seed of the stronger, better Sarah underneath.
It wasn’t just in power that the Labyrinth changed me; it was heart and mind as well. It had to have been, or did I change myself, show that I could be better, the Labyrinth just being the catalyst?
I know who I was then and perhaps I know who I am now, or at least, I have an idea of who I am now.
I am a scared young girl trying desperately to learn to control powers over which she has no understanding, and I fully intend to join the fight against the corrupt Lord Voldemort, whether I am ready or not.
I am scared.
But I have made my decision, and I have told Harry of it.
Does that make me brave or merely an idiot? Fear after all exists for a reason, it’s a warning and like all warnings, one that can be ignored to yours and others possible detriment.
Am I doing the right thing?
Should I be leaving this to those with more experience?
Should I be leaving, running till I know my powers and can better return to help?
No, I will not run.
Stubborn, that’s what I am.
Smart enough to see the danger, not smart enough to leave dealing with it to those that know how.
Still, I am Sarah, but who is Sarah?
“She’s become depressed,”
Jareth nodded, sighing, his eyes dark, tired, “it was to be expected. Only now is it truly beginning to sink in”
“Perhaps,” Dumbledore shook his head, his expression mournful, “she has been a breeze of fresh air here, bringing change and renewal. All the students know her, and even if they don’t like her, they respect her and respond to her. Seeing her become depressed, it’s possible it will affect the whole school”
Jareths eyebrow twitched upwards, “yes, they’ll stop looking for the results of her darkly humorous streak; something which from what you have said has certainly kept the students on their toes and may instead be depressed enough to actually do schoolwork. Now wouldn’t that be sad?”
Dumbledore smothered a chuckle, “there are a few students whom the day they actually appear to do schoolwork will be the day the office of school headshrinker is reopened”
“An unfortunate name considering the collection you’re Defence against the Dark Arts teacher keeps”
“Perhaps he could be persuaded to add a few to his collection?” Dumbledore chuckled, then frowned, his thoughts turning serious once more, “still, for all the darkness he met and conquered in your realm, Sarah is a bright child, full of life… and mischievousness perhaps, but this depression, its not her and frankly, I don’t think pepper-up potions are the answer”
Jareth shook his head, “they only hide the problem, not remove it and for Sarah to truly forget her depression she has to pass through it” he paused, “or be pulled kicking and screaming from it by her friends”
Dumbledore blinked, then smiled, “I think I can… arrange something”
Jareth nodded, “I’ll be sure to be inattentive later. There are a few individuals who seem to think finding ways to visit Sarah even when she hasn’t specifically called them is a good idea. Of course, I try to dissuade them but…”
Jareth smirked, “I’m sure if you find a few odd creatures wandering about you can arrange for them to be pointed in the right direction”
“You love her, don’t you?” Dumbledore asked sympathetically.
Choked, a tear appearing in the corner of his eye, Jareth turned away, gazing out the window but not truly seeing the pattern of stars splattered across the dark curtain of the heavens, “yes, I do. But she can’t ever be mine,”
“Perhaps,” Dumbledore murmured, his expression becoming sad once more as he concentrated on his own thoughts.