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The Belly of the Beast

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Summary: The belly of the beast isn't what Buffy expected.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Pirates of the Caribbean > Buffy-CenteredPrecariousPersonataFR131509092,20929 Nov 0629 Nov 06Yes
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl. All of the characters, settings, themes, movie, show, titles, witches, slayers, creation, references, ships, and basic gist of the two fantasy worlds all belong Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros., Jerry Bruckheimer, Gore Verbinski, and Walt Disney. All rights reserved.
Timeline: Post-Season 7 with Buffy, and spoilers for Dead Man’s Chest for PotC.

Summary: The belly of the beast isn't what Buffy expected.

Notes: One-shot, and the idea came while washing dishes. Go figure.


The Belly of the Beast


Buffy grunted as she took the blow from the clearly steroid-fed squid. “Oh you are so gonna get deep-fried. I liked that skirt!” She ran towards the creature with a growl, brandishing her sword left and right.

She came to the Caribbean as a break from Rome and as a little ‘me-time’ while Dawn finished her studies and the other slayers took over her duty. It’s been one hellish month, and she meant that literally. Two S’lorbak demon clans trying to bring hell and damnation in one month? Even that put a kink in the old shoulder.

Buffy was broken out of her reverie when one of the squid’s tentacles slapped down on the water in an attempt to hit her. She quickly dove out of the way, and instead, the tentacle created a mini tidal wave. The tiny sail boat Buffy got after a week of sailing lessons wobbled dangerously. If she didn’t slay this thing now, her boat would clearly break and she’d be nothing with but splinters and a giant calamari trying to eat her instead of the other way around.

“Is that the best you’ve got? 'Cause I gotta say, there’s plenty of seafood chains waiting to slice and dice and dip you in marinara sauce—oof,” another hard splash from the squid knocked her off her feet as well as disarming her sword. Her only sword. “Dammit.”

Before she can scramble up to her feet and get her weapon, a tendril of a tentacle grabbed her foot and lifted her up in the air. Buffy looked down, only to see the thing open its mouth, revealing several rows of jagged teeth. Her eyes widened in realization, “You got to be shi—“

And with that, the Kraken tossed its prey inside its mouth before disappearing back in the deep blue in a foam of bubbles.


After several tense and disgusting seconds later, Buffy sat up in a small puddle, coughing up slime and gasping for air, her skirt eternally ruined. “When I get out of here—“

“When is such an optimistic way of looking at it, luv,” a deep voice spoke up in the dark…wait, dimly lit…cavern. “I’ve got to say though, the Kraken’s never caught something this pleasing.”

Buffy looked up to see a very attractive…pirate? standing up and giving her an equally attractive smile. “Yes, all this gunk seemed to in fashion just last week.” The man chuckled, sending several shivers down her spine. “So how long have you been here?” She stood up, wringing her skirt, even though it was pointless. But hey, it took out some of the slime, and there was company in present.

“Depends. What year is it?”


He made a few mindless tunes and some mumbling before finally saying, nonplussed, “Three hundred years, give or take twenty.”


He shrugged, “The belly of the beast, luv.”


“Do you have any rum?”



The End

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