Author's Note: Set during seasons 5/2, and a lot of the shows mentioned went to deservedly ignominious ends, though I doubt our characters had anything to do with it. I go out of my way to bash one particular show here. No points if you figure out which one. The format is a parody of TV Guide as it existed at the time, which was much more informative than the piece of crap that calls itsel that today. I'm just saying.
Disclaimer: The Buffy and Angel characters belong to Joss Whedon. The characters on the other shows, mentioned only in passing, belong to their respective creators. If forced to track them down, I suppose I could, but then we'd have a disclaimer longer than the fic itself.
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8 PM (50) (54) Baseball 3:00 Baltimore at Detroit.
8 PM (2) (6) (27) Who Wants to Be a Millionaire - Game 1:00. Entire show taken up by one Wesley Wyndham-Price, who states that with his winning he's going to buy a decrepit hotel in Los Angeles for a friend. (Last show of series)
(3) (13) (21) JAG - Drama 1:00. Harm and Mac are sent to the Sunnydale Naval Base to investigate a charge of vampirism by one of the sailors stationed there. The odd thing is, Sunnydale doesn't have a naval base (last show of series).
(5) (29) (43) (45) That '70s Show - Comedy. Eric doesn't trust the new British exchange student; Kelso suspects Hyde of living up to his name, "like that old horror movie dude"; Fez notices that Donna's parents don't come outside in the sunlight any more. (Last show of series) Spike: James Marsters.
(8) (10) (11) The Fighting Fitzgeralds - Comedy. Brian Dennehy suddenly remembers he's a good actor and is wasting his time on network television, thanks to a visit from a woman who has mysterious visions. (Last show of series) Cordelia: Charisma Carpenter.
(15) (57) Chains of Love - 1:00 Tonight four men are chained to a British woman named Drusilla. Massive lawsuits follow when no one except her survives the night. (Last show of series)
(A&E) Biography -- 1:00 A portrait of Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon.
(LIF) Unsolved Mysteries 1:00 - Why Dark Angel hasn't been cancelled yet.
8:30 PM (5) (29) (43) (45) Titus - Comedy. Titus' father picks a fight with an effete-looking Englishman and winds up in the hospital with multiple stab wounds. When Titus and his friends try to take revenge, it ends up badly. (Last show of series) Rupert Giles: Anthony Stewart Head.
(8) (10) (11) Third Rock from the Sun - Comedy. Sally gets mistakenly sent to prison and gets into a scuffle with a tough inmate; Dick meets Mary's new suitor, Ted, and doesn't like him one bit; Harry and Tommy discover what happens when you argue with men with fangs. (Last show of series) Faith: Eliza Dushku.
9 PM (2) (6) (27) Dharma & Greg - Comedy. An old acquaintance of Larry and Abby's drops by and leaves mysterious tattoos on everyone's arms; Greg gets an offer from a powerful law firm in Los Angeles that doesn't seem inclined to take no for an answer. (Last show of series) Ethan: Robin Sachs.
(3) (13) (21) 60 Minutes II - Newsmagazine 1:00. A study on the phenomenally high murder rate in a small town in Southern California, and why the authorities are powerless; plus an examination of the US Army's explorations into the occult. All reports filed posthumously. (Last show of series)
EDITOR'S CHOICE (5) (29) (43) (45) Dark Angel. A SHOCKING END? A surprising twist, in a season filled with many attempts at them, finds Max discovering a cache of Buffy the Vampire Slayer videotapes from twenty years ago. Upon viewing them, she is greatly disturbed to discover that all she is and all she has ever been is a pale imitation of the title character of the series, only with dark hair, poutier lips and much less acting ability. Despite Logan's best attempts to convince her otherwise, Max decides, with the help of a mysterious man in black, that the best thing for her to do is go into permanent seclusion. But does this man in black have other plans? Last show of series (1:00) Angel: David Boreanaz.
(8) (10) (11) Frasier - Comedy. Niles, on the verge of a romantic interlude with Daphne, gets a shocking surprise when Maris interrupts with the REAL reason she was so pale, thin, never ate anything and burned so easily. Also, Eddie gets bitten by a boy named Jordy and begins a series of mysterious transformations.
(15) (57) All Souls - 1:00. A new intern shows up with his irritable sister, who leaves a trail of insane people and dead bodies in her wake. (Last show of series) Glory: Clare Kramer. Ben: Charlie Weber.
(CNN) Larry King Live - 1:00. But not for long.
9:30 PM (2) (6) (27) What About Joan? - Comedy. Oh, who cares? Does anyone really watch this show? Yada yada yada, Joan Cusack runs into a vampire, yada yada dead. (Last show of series)
(8) (10) (11) Three Sisters - Comedy. The three sisters run into two witches and meet one dead end. (Last show of series) Willow: Alyson Hanigan. Tara: Amber Benson.
10:00 PM EDITORS CHOICE (2) (6) (27) NYPD Blue. THE CURSE When Sorenson is struck down by a sniper's bullet, it leads Sipowicz to an examination of how many people around him have come to bad ends - his wife, his oldest son, Bobby Simone. After some introspection, he finds out he's been cursed, the only remedy being to never show his rear end in public again. But can he make the sacrifice? Meanwhile, a corrupt mayoral candidate visits the 15th and is overheard discussing his plans for the city and its inhabitants once he's elected. (Last show of series) (1:00) Richard Wilkins III: Harry Groener.
(3) (13) (21) Judging Amy - Drama 1:00. A disgruntled museum worker, irritated at Amy's ruling against him in a custody case, assembles an ancient demon figurine said to have mysterious powers. Also, Maxine investigates old rumors of abuses at the former Lowell Home for Children. (Last show of series) The Judge: Brian Thompson. Genevieve Holt: Kathryn Jooster.
(8) (10 (11) Dateline NBC: A report on the sudden endings of every other show on Tuesday night except Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel; also, what made James Cameron, normally so talented a director, produce something as inanely written as Dark Angel? And what demon did he sell his soul to to insure its success? (Last show of series.)
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