The Beginning

Dramatis Persona:
(In order of appearance)
Xander Harris/Callista McKinney – Arachne
Cordelia Chase – Demeter
J'onn J'onzz/John Jones/Megan Morse – Martian Manhunter
Oliver Queen – Green Arrow
Rachel Roth - Raven
Koriand'r - Starfire
Bruce Wayne – Batman
Dinah Lance
Pamela Isley – Poison Ivy
D'awnn J'onzz/Dawn Jones – Miss Martian

Title: The Other
Author: JoeHundredaire (joehundredaire@tthfanfic.com)
Rating: R/FR18.
Pairings: Xander Harris/TBA
Disclaimer: Marvel owns the entire Spider-Man mythos, and all related characters. Never quite figured out who owns the Buffyverse, but I know for a fact that it's not me...
Summary: Xander probably should have looked closer at the costume he bought…
Joe's Note: Because you're not really a crackfic author until you've done the obligatory Xander YAHF… what the hell. I just want to put a few things out there before we begin, though. While I have nothing against Willow, this is an anti-Willow story mainly because her and Xander's degrading friendship drives the plot forward at a few key points. Secondly, while there will be no Xander/guy from BtVS/AtS action resulting from his magical genderbender… I won't rule it out for other characters. While exploring She-Xander's sexuality might be fun to do, I really can't see ANY of the characters from the show going "Hey, I like girls so even though I knew you back when you had a penis, can I introduce you to mine?"

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     Xander groaned in combined nerdgasm and frustration as he looked at the costume in front of him. He had come here looking for a gun to combine with the Army fatigues and dogtags he'd picked up from the local surplus store to make a Halloween costume out of… but the stuff here was so AWESOME! Forget that dress Buffy was drooling over, the owner of the store had awesome Marvel character costumes. Ridiculously detailed, almost movie-worthy costumes! Definitely drool-worthy, if you were a comic fan of any seriousness.

     Fingering the red and blue costume on the hanger in front of him, Xander sighed. How cool would it be to go as Spider-Man but not? The classic red and blue Spidey costume was what came to mind whenever most people thought of the iconic hero, but this was the revised version that the Ben Reilly clone wore when he was Spider-Man for a while. Xander had never even seen that costume before in the real world, even with all the comic conventions he'd been to, much less seen a version of it available for rent.

     The two girls were already leaving without him, chattering excitedly as Buffy carried her new dress out of the store. Xander sighed. What did she see in Angel anyways? He assumed that inspiration behind her whole obsession with the noblewoman costume. Guy couldn't even go to the beach… or the park… or most sporting events… or take Buffy shopping, which he knew was very important to her. Granted… he couldn't take her shopping either, due to an acute lack of cash, but he could do the rest of it!

     Looking at the price tag on the outfit, Xander thought for a moment. While it was outside the amount of money he had set aside for his costume, the rental fee was just barely within the amount he had total. He wouldn't be eating Twinkies or buying comics for a while, but he could have this kick-ass costume for the night… and maybe even impress Buffy. Or, given the fact she felt the need to defend him from bullies? Maybe she'd at least realize he was a guy.

     Taking the hanger down off the rack, Xander marched to the front of the store. The older gentleman at the counter looked up from a piece of paperwork as he approached. "Ah, greetings young sir." An English accent? That was a bit unusual, especially for a town as… well, Sunnydale wasn't small, but it did have a very unified, middle-class white population. There were a few exceptions, like Cordelia and her clique and then lower-middle class people like his parents, but Brits? Before now, he'd have bet his comic collection that Giles was the one and only. "I see you've found a…" The man trailed off as he stared at the costume in Xander's hand. "I say, there's something you should know about that costume…"

     "What is it?" Xander frowned and looked down at the red and blue outfit. He couldn't see anything physically wrong with it, like a stain or tear. Wait a minute… "Did somebody die while wearing this or something? Because unless someone died in it, I don't care. And if that's the case… well, maybe we should negotiate on price. But this is a really good chance to impress Buffy tonight, and I'm not going to pass it up." He wanted that costume, damnit!

     That made the man raise an eyebrow. "Are you talking about that nice young girl I just sold the noblewoman's dress to, perchance?" Xander nodded and he looked back and forth between Xander and the costume a few times before grinning widely. "My mistake, I was thinking of one of the other Spider-Man costumes I have in stock. Although, given how eager I am to see that particular costume out on the street tonight… I believe I'll offer you a discount. How does one-third off sound?"

     Xander blinked. With that, he'd at least be able to afford a box of Twinkies for the week on top of the costume he wanted. But since he firmly believed that comics actually DID teach you most of what you needed to know in life… there had to be a catch. Nothing good ever came without a catch. "That's awful nice of you, but why are you willing to do something like that for me? I mean, this is an amazing costume. You could probably get twice what you're asking for it, and you're willing to give me a discount?"

     "My job is to help each person find the costume that's just right for them." The Englishman (who, given that he was the only person in the store, Xander suspected might be the Ethan behind the name) grinned widely. "And I was young, poor, and in love once. I see in you… a kindred spirit of sorts. So I'll offer you a discount. Unless you wish to continue to object?"

     In love? Was he actually in love with Buffy? In like with her, yes. In lust with her, most definitely. But in love? Could you love someone who couldn't see past the caveman brow of her vampire paramour to realize you could possibly be a romantic partner? And he wasn't quite sure he wanted to be considered a 'kindred spirit' to a middle-aged Englishman who ran a costume shop in East Buttfuck, California, although Xander couldn't deny that the discount would help alleviate what would otherwise be a really big… like, meteor impact big… dent in his wallet.

     When push came to shove, though, there was only one real way the situation could possibly play out. "I'll take it!"

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     Xander pouted… wait, no, guys didn't pout. He was… frowning with mild unhappiness. Yeah, that's what he was doing. He frowned with mild unhappiness as he stared at himself at the mirror. A bit too late, he realized that maybe he should have tried the costume on before he rented it for the night.

     It wasn't a horrible fit, but for a rather tight outfit, even a little bit off was noticeable. He was pretty sure that the costume was for someone two or three inches shorter, although thankfully the outfit didn't gap in the middle and show off his pasty white stomach or anything. And from the way it hung a bit loose around his chest and hips, it was probably meant for someone with more muscles than he'd ever possessed in his life. A lot more in the chest's case.

     Looking over at the clock, Xander realized that he would have to move pretty fast to get to the school on time to pick up the kids with Buffy and Willow. Grabbing the two metal gauntlets off his bed, he slid his arms into them as he hustled down the stairs. Too bad they didn't work. Web-slinging… actually, there weren't any buildings in Sunnydale tall enough to really web-sling from, so that wouldn't help him with his potential late arrival.

     Bursting out the front door, Xander ran.

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     "Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!" Xander paused before looking down at his own outfit and giving her a sheepish grin. "Okay, so maybe not completely renouncing at the moment…"

     Buffy gave him an awkward-looking little curtsy. "Thank you, kind sir. But wait until you see…" She turned toward the staircase and Xander's gaze followed, only to find Willow standing at the top of the stairs wearing the same ghost costume as the year before. "…Casper."

     "Boo."

     Grimacing, Xander wondered what she was actually wearing under the sheet. Something interesting, no doubt, if she'd caved in at the last second the way Buffy's tone seemed to indicate. "Hey, Will! That's a fine boo you got there."

     There were a few long moments of discomfort and then Buffy hustled them out of the house and toward the school. She offered up a few comments regarding Willow's costume, but hadn't even acknowledged his. Xander sighed. Well, his attempt to catch her eye, or even just seem the tiniest bit manly in her mind, had been a resounding failure.

     Xander eyed Buffy from behind as they walked. Actually? He'd just been trying to suck up to her. The costume wasn't really that great, or that flattering on her. It wasn't a particularly stately dress to begin with; closer, in his opinion, to a bad Disney version of an old-fashioned dress than to something a real noblewoman would wear. And on top of that, she was fairly short and when you took a short girl and added a puffy skirt… it made her look kinda round and chubby. Which was a significant achievement, given how skinny Buffy actually was.

     Pondering the dark head of hair in front of him, Xander realized that it was probably pretty close to Buffy's real hair color if her roots were anything to go by… and that she looked prettier that way. But did he dare actually say that to her?

     …yeah, he'd do that right after he told Angel 'bite me'.

     When they arrived at the school, Xander was both amazed and appalled at the costumes his peers had chosen. Amazed at the creativity of a few… and likewise appalled at how clichéd and boring most of the costumes were. Not that being a superhero was that original, but at least he had an unusual superhero costume damnit.

     The Cordettes were Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Larry was a pirate. He had some top heavy, gum-snapping bimbo dressed as a pirate wench clinging to his arm. There was a bad, Dracula-esque vampire, some nerds in assorted sci-fi costumes… and given he was dressed as Spider-Man's relatively unknown clone, Xander realized he probably shouldn't throw stones about the level of geekdom that anyone else possessed.

     Cordelia, on the other hand, was a pleasant surprise. He wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to be… some kind of earth spirit or faerie or something. She had created a wig that looked like vines and her skin was a pale shade of green that actually looked closer to Willow's pale countenance than the cheerleader's normal tan. And the killer was her outfit… what looked like a one-piece bathing suit and stockings, all made from sewn-together leaves. It covered a surprising amount and actually managed to come off as classy, rather than skanky.

     Huh. Xander shook his head. He was checking out Cordelia Chase and only pleasant things were popping into his mind? That had to be a sign of the apocalypse. Either that, or maybe he was finally growing up a bit and growing past their childish rivalry to realize she was attractive, even if not entirely pleasant? Shaking his head again to clear it of his odd thoughts, he focused his attention on what Snyder was saying about the night's events.