This Isn't Kansas
Title: Slayers, Hunters, and… Pirates OH MY
Genre: Romance/ Humor/ Angst/ Horror and a bit of an all around CRACKFIC
Pairing(s): Buffy/Dean, William/Elizabeth, Faith/William, Sam/Elizabeth, and Willow/Jack or William/Willow Faith/Jack, Sam/Faith, Sam/Willow (PLEASE HELP ME DECIDE)
*Any of these pairings are liable to change except for the Buffy/Dean one, like Sam can be paired with Faith or Willow, or there could be a Faith/Sam/Willow pairing cause we all know Willow has done the lesbo action and Faith has probably been with a girl or two in her time and Sam with both of them would be hilarious. Elizabeth could be killed off, and Jack could get it on with Faith, let me know how you guys feel. I can even add a character or pair people more than once, except ofcourse for Buffy and Dean, they’re off limits.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN
Spoilers: BtVS post season 7, SPN post season 2 AU (no John dying), PotC post movie 1 slight AU
Summary: Buffy and Dean are always trying to do things their way but when they disagree over which spell to use to banish a spirit and try both things start to spiral out of control and they’re sent back to a time and a dimension of pirates and a creepy little monkey named Jack. How do they survive in a world as foreign to them as every other word Andrew speaks and is it possible to have a relationship when your dodging the royal navy, Davy Jones, and the groping hands of one very wasted Captain Jack Sparrow?
Did I mention a creepy monkey named Jack?
*BtVS- After the Hellmouth is closed Giles went off to England, Xander to Africa, and the Scooby girls and Andrew settled down in Cleveland with the new Council funds to watch that Hellmouth and train Slayers. Willow and Kennedy are no longer together (cause cmon don’t you just hate her?), Buffy and Faith are training the new Slayers. Andrew is also there with them along with Dawn although I don’t know what part they’ll play in this story yet.
*SPN- The crash happened and the Winchesters were rushed to the nearest hospital but Dean was fine and John never had to make the deal. After they had all healed John had once again disappeared. The boys had followed his trail to Cleveland where they had run into the Slayers and Dean and Buffy had started their rollercoaster relationship. They bicker constantly but can’t keep their hands off each other. Sam is constantly finding himself pushed between Willow and Faith.
*PotC- Jack has sailed away on the Black Pearl and William and Elizabeth are trying to settle down into a normal life while planning their wedding. William stars having nightmares of fire and screaming and starts to wonder about his past and his parents. Meanwhile Elizabeth is having dreams of her own and the secrets they’re keeping are beginning to tear them apart. Both of them are special and it will take a group of strange people to explain to them how.
AN: Thank you all for your lovely support of this story and I’m glad you guys understand that it is pure fun. I am seriously considering making this a Faith/Sam/Willow fic so if you love or loathe that idea let me know. So I wrote this next chapter in the spur of the moment cause Aimee kindly has informed me I have won so YAY me and YAY you cause you get another chapter. Thank you Aimee for inspiring this and I hope you enjoy.
Banner made by Dhfreak
Chapter 2 This Isn’t Kansas
Dean groaned wincing as he felt Buffy’s sharp elbow dog into his side. She was hot and all and they had done their share of naked tussling but Dean drew the line at cuddling, especially when it caused him pain.
And if she expected to cuddle in the future the woman would have to gain some damn weight.
He brushed her hair out of his face and gently sat up careful not to jostle her, and careful because of the stinging pain in his side. Dark spots danced in front of his eyes and Dean would have given his Impala for something to numb the pain and stop the nauseous rolling of his gut accompanied with the sudden light-headedness that came with severe blood loss.
“Shit.” He muttered seeing the dark crimson stain on his gray T-shirt only partially relieved that the bleeding had appeared to slow somewhat. Of course that could mean he was running out of the life sustaining stuff and that could be even worse.
He blinked rapidly trying to get the world around him to stop spinning and bring it into focus. His attention kept slipping and he bit his bottom lip hard tasting the metallic taste of blood but the new pain brought him the focus he desperately needed.
When he looked around he wished to be unconscious again.
Ignoring the sudden rush of panic he felt at seeing nothing even vaguely familiar and the unsettling clearness of the sky around him, really where in the hell was a powerline, Dean one by one took in the unconscious forms of his brother’s and the Slayer and the Witch. He then looked down at Buffy his pain temporarily forgotten when he saw the dark bruise forming on her cheekbone.
Dean winced as shifted his body closer to Buffy’s and he shrugged out of his coat trying to block out the searing pain that went through him with each movement. Quickly and efficiently he then removed his over shirt and started tearing strips long enough to staunch the still steady flow of blood from his body.
He made a makeshift tourniquet as best as he could and searched the ground until he found a big enough rock. Testing the weight in his hand he took careful aim and let it launch at the huddled figure that he recognized as his brother. A pain filled smirk slipped across his face when he saw it hit its target of his brother’s lazy ass and Sam came awake with a start eyes wildly scanning the clearing.
“Bout time you woke your ass up,” Dean growled “I was practically dying over here while you coped a fill from the hellcat.” Sam sat up groggily Dean’s words penetrating his addled brain as he looked at the older man in concern and started to gingerly get to his feet.
“I’m fine.” Dean gritted out as Sam made a move in his direction “Check out the damn women, Red doesn’t look so good.” He turned to Buffy wondering how he was going to wake his spitfire up with out losing a body part.
That was another reason why they got along so well, both of them valued their sleep highly.
Sam complied instantly going to Willow’s side and gently shaking her. Her blue eyes fluttered open and he was worried by the listlessness to them. She groaned turning her body to Sam’s and he helped her to her feet holding her close so she wouldn’t fall.
“Are you okay?” he questioned softly his hands rubbing her pale and cold arms trying to restore some warmth in them.
She shook her head to clear out the cobwebs and muttered “Holy cow.” Her mouth dry and her throat feeling raw.
Sam took this as a nose and gently guided her in Faith’s direction “Faith.” He rasped out sharply and the Slayer’s eyes flew open fire in them. She swiftly got to her feet only swaying for a second and brushing off any attempts of Sam’s to help her. She took in Willow’s pale face and grunted “You look like shit Red.” When the witch only replied with a small smile Faith go on Willow’s other side to support her.
Slowly the trio made their way over To Dean who was rousing Buffy.
Turns out he hadn’t had to worry at all cause the second her green eyes opened they went straight to his face the horror of earlier in her assessing gaze. He pulled her under her arm as they stood partially to hold her close and partially so he wouldn’t fall on his ass.
“So,” Faith took in everyone’s battered appearance and scanned the area around them “Where the hell are we?” she asked in her usual blunt fashion not bothering to ask if anyone was okay or not. Buffy’s play toy seemed to be the only one damaged and he was still standing on two feet, okay so it was more like swaying, but it was close enough.
“We went back in time,” Willow provided tentatively remembering the pieces of the spell she had woven together “ and in to another dimension.”
Stunned eyes of various colors and shades of emotions stared at her in stunned disbelief.
Buffy looked at them and she made a quick decision all too aware of Dean wheezing at her side “Okay so we’ll deal with that later, right now we need to find shelter, food, and some medical supplies.” She nodded to a small building off in the distance “Lets try there.”
“And explain this how?” Faith demanded indicating their state of dress, which would be so out of place in whatever distant time they had landed themselves in.
“I don’t know.” Buffy sighed “Right now I’m just concentrating on keeping my boyfriend from bleeding to death.” She bit out that last part harshly and felt Faith fall into step beside her “Okay then.” The dark Slayer muttered and Sam brought up the rear supporting Willow.
As they passed over the rough cobble roads and endless sky Dean grumbled “I swear to God if anyone says we’re not in Kansas anymore I’ll bite them.”
Buffy pouted playfully “So no clicking our hells and wishing to go home.”
Willow piped up from where she rested against Sam’s shoulder “The wishing part might actually work if there are any vengeance demons in the area.”