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Advanced Logic Need Not Apply

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Summary: An old enemy is on the rise with the power of an ancient artifact. What happens when Buffy and Xander are caught in the middle of it? Chapter 1 up. Buffy/Xander. Surprise Crossover.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Pairing: Buffy
JonathanFR1512,058022,26021 Dec 0621 Dec 06No
Title: Advanced Logic Need Not Apply
Author: Jonathan (My true name debut. Formerly the author known as White Werewolf)
Category: Buffy/Xander
Chapter: 1
Rating: PG-14
Summary: An old enemy is on the rise with the power of an ancient artifact. Now at an old age, Eddie contacts his grandnephew Xander for some help.
Spoilers: Post two movies and “Chosen”
Author Notes: This is a result of listening to the new Weird Al album, watching two old movies, and wanting to get back into writing. Between Life and Death and Phoenixverse will continue, but this is to break back into my fic writing career.
Special Thanks: Shawn and Silent Bob Foley
Disclaimer: Buffy is owned by Whedon, Fox, and UPN. Since the following crossovers are surprises, I can't list the disclaimers on any single fandom. But obviously, I don't own them. They're not mine, and I'm just writing for fun.

Watchers' Council

"Ah, good. You're both here," Giles said as he watched the door open to his office.

Two of his young friends from Sunnydale came in as he said, "Please sit."

The female of them shook her head as she leaned against a corner of the wall. After crossing her arms and looking at the older gentleman, she uttered, "I'd rather stand. Now, what was so important that you had to call our house at 4 o'clock this morning?"

"Yeah, Giles," the young man replied. "Want to hear something funny about that time? People usually spend that time of night asleep."

The Watcher smirked, "You're obviously forgetting what kind of people we are, Xand."

He sighed, "Right. Once in a while I just like to forget that our lives revolve around the world of the supernatural." Xander then sat down, "You wanted
Buffy and me here at..." he looked at his watch, "5 o'clock for what reason again?"

Giles stood up to his feet and said, "Well, I am sorry that I had to call you up at that time, but Andrew forgot to tell me about something rather important."

"And that is?" Buffy asked.

Giles said, "Well, today being May 20th, it has been three years since Sunnydale was last destroyed."

Buffy sent a look at Xander, "Has it been really three years?"

He thought for a moment, "I guess. There was that year when I was in Africa and you were in Italy. We met up with Dracula again in Transylvania a few months after, spent some time with the Winchesters and Faith's second cousin a year yeah, I guess it has been three years."

The Slayer smirked, "Wills still thinks you look like him."

He shook his head, "I don't see it. And anyway, I don't have a chainsaw for a hand."

Buffy shrugged, "No, but you do have that sexy one eye thing going for you."

Xander grinned, "As much as I love having this kind of talk with my girlfriend, I think Giles should tell us what the reason for this meeting is for before we kill him. I mean, his voice is closing in on that clucking sound."

Giles continued, "Children, please. I am sorry that I woke you up at this time of day, but I need you two on the next flight to Los Angelus. The Council wants you to check on Sunnydale. Make sure the Hellmouth hasn't reopened and cast the Prodigium Obex spell. Then the Hellmouth will be protected for three years."

Xander hadn't wanted to hear that at all. "And why send us? Couldn't you just send Robin?"

Buffy was just as annoyed as Xander in the tone of his voice. She approached the man she considered a father-figure. "And what about Andrew?"

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed them clean as usual. He could tell that seeing their old hometown wasn't something either of them wanted to do. "Frankly, I would rather send people I could trust. While Andrew is a watcher and Robin has fought with us for the last few years, you two, along with Willow, are the people who have been around the Hellmouth for the longest, I think sending both of you are the best candidates. As Buffy said so many years ago, Xander has clocked more field time then any of my former associates." The last part of that previous statement made Xander smile as it seemed he was appreciated after all. Buffy liked the comment, "and Buffy because she is the eldest slayer, further more, ever since you two became a couple, separating you is not an easy task."

Xander grinned, "He does have that part right."

Buffy agreed, "What can I say? Breaking in another best friend turned boyfriend would be rather hard to replace."

He gave her a look, "Standing right here. And hey."

"Knew that would get you, but that face makes you so damn cute."

Giles sighed, "Children. Must you do this now."

Xander looked at him. "You try having to wake up this early and try to get going without any food. Buffy's quips are the only thing stopping me from seriously hurting you right now."

She shook her head, "Seriously, Giles. You got to organize."

"I find it hard to stay organized when you have Andrew forgetting to give me updates on important dates."

The blond smirked, "Don't worry. We still love you."


Xander enjoyed Giles mild discomfort, "We know what you mean." He got to his feet. "So, when do we have to get going again?"

Giles nodded and smiled from letting them see him get emotional. "You're flight isn't due for another few hours. Be at the airport in one and a half hours. You're flight is in two hours."

A moment passed.

"And do call when you land. We at the council do worry about you."

Xander looked at his girlfriend, "I think that's Watcher talk for 'I love you, too.'"

Giles smiled, "You two better get going."


British Airways Flight Number 215

Xander slumped out of a soundless slumber. He looked around him and noticed that nothing was changed. Well, nothing major. He turned to his left and saw the rising sun over the Atlantic. He yawned as he glanced at his watch. 8:45 in the morning. Him and Buffy still had a few hours before they hit LA. He looked down to his side, and Buffy was still curled up in the seat. Her head was leaning against his right shoulder. She breathed soundly as they continued their flight.

Xander couldn't help but smile at the image. The rising sun rays were casting their warmth atop her already golden hair. Her shampoo from earlier that day still was strong and well appreciated.

Vanilla circulated around him as she continued to sleep. He turned around the cabin and saw that some of his fellow passengers were either sleeping, talking, or watching the television screen in front of them that was built into the head rest in front of them,

He looked at his, and an episode of Boy Meets World was coming to a close. It was a good episode he remembered. The Scream parody one. He couldn't help but smirk when he remembered that the person who played Eric sounded almost exactly the same as Terry McGinnis and Ron Stoppable.


He was still a kid even though he was 26. Who cares? Cartoons kick ass.

Xander couldn't help but yawn within the next few seconds. Damn Giles having to wake him and Buffy up early. Especially when they didn't get to go to sleep until 1 in the morning to begin with.

Even though Buffy was a slayer, she still was a deep sleeper and definitely needed her rest. He needed it to, but Eric's antics kept him from falling asleep.

'Wish that guy acted more,’ he thought for a second.

The drowsiness that was rising in his body was soon starting to reappear. The credits were approaching, and he didn't want to wake up Buffy.

His eyes started to droop slightly when he felt a familiar vibration erupted in his bands. He was about to yelp when he bit the insides of his cheeks to keep him from screaming out. Reaching to his pocket he pulled out his cell phone.

Normally when people called cell phones and it rang from the altitude, the bill would be huge. But thanks to Willow's magic use. His bill was low.

He opened the phone and placed it to his ear.

"Hello." Xander said tiredly.

"Where are you?" The voice replied.

He grunted, "In the air."

"What?" The voice questioned. "I just woke up went to your door and found both you and Buffy gone. Where are you? Are you okay? What happened?"

Xander couldn't help but laugh a little, "Easy, Dawn. Breath. You're turning into Willow."

He heard her breath as he explained his situation to her.

"So you two are on your way to LA?"

Xander nodded, "Yeah. Sorry again we couldn't get to you sooner. Giles had us going early. We just had enough time to pack and tell Willow what was going on. We'll be back in a few days."

Dawn snickered, "That is if you two can keep your hands off each other."

He rolled his eye, "Just be glad Buffy isn't awake to hear that."

The moment he uttered that last statement, Buffy stirred slightly. With her slayer hearing she managed to awaken from the brief comment. "Isn't awake to
hear what?"

Xander smirked, "Dawn thinks you can't keep your hands off me."

Her eyes widened, "Give me the phone."

"By all means." He said with a smile then gave her the phone.

He didn't know what Dawn was saying, but undoubtedly everything Buffy was saying was clear as day.

He learned long ago when he started dating Buffy never get involved with a conversation with her sister when his girlfriend was using the current tone of voice.

And he had no doubt Buffy wouldn't tell him anything that wasn't important. It was the kind of relationship they had.

Xander smiled and went back to the television screen. Boy Meets World was now over for a few minutes. Now an episode of The Adventures of Pete & Pete was

He guessed he must of flipped the channel while talking to Dawn. He smirked again. As soon as Nona appeared on the screen, he couldn't help but marvel on how much she looked like Dawn.

He was watching the screen when Buffy hung up the phone.

She looked at him. "We don't do that do we?"

Xander looked at her strangely, "Do what?"

"Constantly have our hands on one another."

Xander shrugged, "It just means we're really into each other. And in a way that is totally healthy. Keep in mind the last sex partners we had didn't end well. But one thing we do well is that you and I are always honest and loving to one another. We're they're when we need each other and don't hide away from things. Face it Buff. Your stuck with me and this relationship isn't going to end anywhere."

She smiled, "I guess we do have a healthy relationship."

He leaned forward and kissed Buffy on the lips briefly. "That we do, Buff. Now. How 'bout we watch Pete & Pete?"

She looked at him and smiled, "Did you ever see the similarity between
Nona and Dawn."

Xander couldn't help but laugh.



The plane had landed not but an hour ago. Buffy and Xander were already out of the terminal and headed for the baggage claim.

Xander looked at her, "Ah LA. Didn't think we'd be back here for quite some time."

She nodded, "I know it's always something work related when we come here. Why don't we just go to Sunnydale and cast the spell. Then use the rest of our time here to keep our relationship healthy."

He smiled, "Doesn't seem like a bad idea." Xander then watched the conveyer belt circulate the number of suitcases. "Wonder where are bags are."

Buffy pointed out, "Should be out soon enough."

Xander then looked around the room. Many posters decorated the wall. Most of them showing off the Tourist Traps of LA. "How often do they change these posters?"

Buffy looked at them, "I think quite often. Well at least their positioning. That one for Toon Town used to be over by the far wall."

He shrugged as he pulled off their suitcases. "I guess. C'mon. I think we just need something to eat."

Buffy grinned, "Good idea. I'll meet you over by the Hertz counter."

Xander immediately turned to her. "Wait up, Buffy. I'm going to be driving this trip."



The End?

You have reached the end of "Advanced Logic Need Not Apply" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 21 Dec 06.

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