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wives of Xander: cooky bride, or spooky girl

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Summary: Xander brings home an altogether cooky wife.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Addams' Family, TheCrazyDanFR1316,830357615,74926 Dec 0626 Dec 06Yes
Here's something that's been in the back of my head since I bought the
double feature of the Addams family movies at Walmart back in October.
Finally got around to finishing something.

Disclaimer: not mine, though if it was I would definitely make a movie
out of a crossover like this

Life for Buffy Summers had been great for about the first fourteen and half to fifteen years of her life. That was before she'd started getting the dreams and had met Merrick.

Since she'd learned the truth of the world and what she was, she didn't want it. The moment she learned that she was suddenly made special and given a responsibility that almost always meant a very early grave, she craved normalcy.

As it stood, her college experience so far was just as strange and abnormal as High school, but with more parties. Actually stuff was a little different. Now the majority of the weird seemed to happen directly to her instead of other people that she had to save.

She'd quickly become overwhelmed by the Univerisity Experience and had felt incredibly disconnected from the only people she was close to her in life besides her mother. Both Willow and Oz were all enthused with their classes and living situations while Buffy wasn't. Even Giles seemed to have moved on from being her Watcher, and on to being a...whatever he was becoming.

Then she'd become the target for a nasty group of vampires who'd been picking off college students and faking their withdrawls. The stuck bitch of leader named Sunday had insulted her, hurt her and took her stuff too. She'd managed to escape but not without more than minor injuries.

She was fortunate that her friends had finally rallied together to help her take out the nest and reclaim her belongings, their very presence had helped boost her confidence and her ability to deal with her foes reflected that.

Shortly after that, her overly perky roommate started rubbing her the wrong way. Naturally she was a demon. One who enjoyed Cher way too much. That should have been enough to convince others but it wasn't. While Buffy slowly managed to get others to believe her about her roommate, said girl was slowly sucking away the Slayer's soul in order to hide herself from more of her own kind.

They'd managed to deal with it by reversing the spell, which caused her roommate pursuers snatch her back home in no time flat. Willow moved in and everything was great provided foods weren't eaten by various parties.

That was at least until the other night. The three teens had run into both Spike and an apparently now vampire Harmony at a party. Having the one vampire who kept managing to not get staked around wasn't the best feeling. Never mind that Spike hadn't won yet, there was always a chance.

That chance seemed to be right now. Harmony had said something that had caused the in town scoobies and Giles to believe that the bleached blond was in town looking for the equivalent of the holy grail for vampires.

So here she was fighting Spike, again. The in broad daylight thing was new for both of them really. At least for going all out with the Slayerness in the middle of public was. Hopefully the police wouldn't be called, and if they were they'd do the Sunnydale PD usual denial bit.

Needless to say, it wasn't her day.

That was when something really weird happened.

Just as she was about to attack Spike after recovering from being thrown in a showing of his own superiority over the Slayer, a black clad couple waltzed between the two fighters.


Both Bleached blonds paused in their fight, their attention currently diverted to who could be dumb enough to interrupt such an epic battle in a highly unusual manner.

They stared at the dancing couple. Both had dark, black hair, the males was short at the sides but long on top an slightly wild, flecked with what looked to be spots of golden blond hair within the dark tresses. His small goatee shared the same coloration as his hair.

The woman''s hair was raven black in twin braided ponytails down her back. It was an odd hairstyle, but it suited her just fine.

The man was dressed in a well fitting black suit that seemed to be more than a little out of date. He was wearing leather shoes that had an unnaturally high sheen to them.

The woman was wearing a solid black dress that went down to a little above her knees, and kneehigh leather boots that looked uncomfortable but well worn at the same time.

The two dancers were oblivious to the rest of the world as they stared in each others eyes and danced to music unheard by anyone else.

Spike, being the brilliant wordsmith that he always had been, was the one to speak first. “What the bloody hell?” he screamed. “What are you two nutters doing waltzing in the middle of a proper fight to the death like that?”

Spike's cry of indignation made the couple pause in mid-dip. The couple stared at Spike, then at Buffy.

It took her a moment but Buffy recognized one of them as they stopped dancing and stood up straight from their dip.

“Xander?” Buffy cried out, confused.

“Hhn? Oh, hey Buffy. William.” Xander said nodding to both of them. “Did we interrupt something important?” he asked, his head cocked to one side as he stared at them.

“Damn right you did whelp.” Spike said angrily. “I was about to hand the Slayer her ass like I've been meaning to for the last two years”

“Right...” Xander said sarcastically while shrugging at the woman with him. She whispered in his ear and flashed a small but unmistakably wicked grin as she did so.

Xander's smile mimicked her own. “How about I just lend you a hand then?” he said as he unbuttoned his suit jacket.

“Do what now?” Spike said.

Just then a partially decayed hand leapt from the inside of Xander's suit jacket. It formed a fist in midair and hit Spike's 'little spike' and it's neighbors with what looked to be an impressive level of force if the vampire in questions reaction was accurate.

While Spike was clutching his bits the woman who had been standing next to Xander rushed forward in a quick run, her heeled boots oddly silent on the bricked walkway. A stake was quickly deposited in the vampire's chest and the woman was back my Xander's side just as quickly.

Xander stared at Spike, then at his watch. “Huh, that should have worked..... wait a second, it's daylight!” he turned to face Buffy who was staring at the scene in confusion. “What's the deal Buffy?”

“He's got a magic gem thing. Makes him invulnerable” Buffy said as she cast a worried stare at the two people and the strange hand that was currently crawling up Xander's pant leg.

Xander stared at his friend then at Spike who was now pulling the stake from his chest. Particularly the gaudy ring on his hand. “Oh. Well in that case. Dear, if it's not too much trouble, I'm going to need a three blade.”

“Are you sure it's wide enough?” Came the oddly playful sounding monotone voice of the female by his side.

“Hmmm... You're right as always. The number four then.”

“Here” she said as she tossed him a large blade that looked to be a cross between a short sword and a meat cleaver.

Xander grinned wickedly as Spike who was staring at him like he was something completely new to him.

“That hurt you know.” Spike told him

Xander ignored the vampire as he sang, “Eenie meanie, which do I cleavey?”

Spike almost winced as he heard a soft but firm voice call out 'left'.

“Right. Steve, distract him Moe style.” Xander called out as he strode toward the vampire with the large cleaver hefted onto one shoulder.

“Who the bloody hell is Steve?” Spike asked as he got ready to fight again. Odd though, the whelp wasn't afraid of him at all.

The odd hand finished crawling up Xander's back and leapt from his shoulder towards the vampire. It's first two fingers extended in a very familiar move to those who knew of the brothers three.

Two strong and cold fingers gouged into Spike's eyes. The enhanced healing provided by the Gem of Amara only made things worse. The just ruptured eyes healed with the fingers still in them. Tugging at them only caused even more pain. Spike heard a whistle and the fingers...curled within him.

Xander quickly strode up and hacked off the bejeweled appendage while the vampire was struggling with the hand called Steve. He quickly grabbed the fallen body part and whistled again.

Steve unclenched his fingers and quickly hopped off and out of Spike. The blinded vampire was screaming in pain as the sun started to burn his skin. He caught the whistling sound of a blade moving quickly through the air.....then nothing.

Xander stared at the pile of dust and the still wiggling hand in his own. Sighing he handed the cleaver back to the woman who was with him, who giggled when she saw the moving hand. “Another one dear?” she asked.

He snorted. “Maybe.” He looked down at the hand. “Are you going to behave? If not I can always take that ring off and you'll be dust like the rest of him.”

The hand of William the bloody gave what looked like a nod.

“Cool. We'll see if we can figure out something besides the ring... can you think of any names for you besides Louie?” Xander asked the hand.

It gave a shake.

“Well you already know Steve.” Xander said.

Buffy chose that moment to break in to the strange but not exactly one sided conversation.

“Uhhmm.....what was that? And where did that big blade go?” Buffy asked as she stared at them. The woman had put it behind her back and then it was just...gone.

Xander chuckled. “Right... Guess I forgot to send more postcards after a certain point. My road trip was long and different. My car died in New Jersey, that's where I met my wife.” he said gesturing grandly at the woman beside him. The hand on his shoulder was giving an enthusiastic thumbs up as well.


Xander grinned. “This is my wife, Wednesday. You're looking at the newest Mr. And Mrs. Addams.”


“Okay, talk mister.” Buffy told him as she and Xander had gone up to her dorm room. His.... wife was off attending some sort of business or something, they didn't really tell her.

“What about Buffy?” Xander asked her with an amused grin.

“Everything. Why are you married? Who is that girl? What is with the hands? Wait, the others need to know this stuff to... We so need to talk.” She huffed at him.

“Nice impression of Willow there Buffy.” Xander said as he looked around the room. “So you and Willow are roomies now huh? Didn't figure that would happen till after the end of freshman year. Now as for you little interrogation... If it's going to be long, so it'll have to wait. My wife and I are going house shopping today after Wednesday takes care of things with the bank.”

“It'll take as long as it needs to Xander.” Buffy told him a little angrily.

There was a series of knocks at the door. Xander recognized it and smiled. “That'd be my wife. We really want to get this all sorted out today. Look, just gather up the gang and meet us at Willy's tonight around ten. We'll explain it all there.”

With that Xander walked past the confused Slayer and left the room, joining his wife in the hallway. Buffy could only stare as he walked away from her, she could have sworn the hand that used to belong to Spike flipped her off as it left.

“How did it go at the bank?” Xander asked her.

She smiled softly. “Quickly. They were kind enough to direct me to some of the more...esoteric real estate here. A mansion on Crawford Street and the old Sunnydale Sanitarium are both on the list.”

“Well, let's hold off on the mansion. It'll take a while for the smell of hairgel to get out of that place. Deadboy claimed that place as home during his Angelus incident and after he came back from hell. Now the Sanitarium sounds like a place to live.” He said smiling.

“Yes, the Realtor tried to warn me off of the place, something about screams of the damned or something.” She told him with a mocking tone.

“Sound like we'll be right at home then.” He offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

“Of course husband.” Wednesday said.

A calm Oz led a worried Willow into Willy's, the couple were followed by Buffy and Giles at five past ten that night. They found Xander and his 'Wife' in a booth that had a noticeable buffer space between the demons and them. The two were busy eating....something.

Giles grabbed two chairs while Oz and Buffy sat down and stared at the food. It looked like furry pudding, but from the sounds the two were making it was crunchy as well.

The two were silent as they ate which quickly wore on Buffy's patience after everyone had been seated. “So are you going to tell us what happened to you this summer now?” She asked them before they could finish eating.

Xander looked up and noticed them. He took a sip from a smoking stone cup and nodded. “Yeah sure. Well it's more than a little complicated. It all really started the night I got Steve.” He said gesturing to the hand that was currently playing rock, paper scissors with what was left of Spike.

“Good lord!” Giles exclaimed, noticing the hands for the first time.

“Sure Giles.” Xander said. “Anyhoo, Steve is what's left of a pack of Zombies I had to take care of when all of you were decidedly trying to push me out of the group, back when the Sisterhood of Jhe were in town I think.” He told them. Buffy and Willow looked down at the table at that, a little ashamed of their actions.

“Yeah well, the problem got resolved and no one died, except those who were technically dead at least. Steve here stowed away in the trunk of my Uncle Rory's car. The rest of the parts of the zombies pretty much stopped moving once the head was removed but not Steve.” Xander said with a fond grin.

“I didn't meet Steve till after I had returned my Uncle's car. He somehow followed me home. I'm just glad that both of us knew Morse Code at the time, otherwise he would have gone down the disposal. Anyways Steve stuck around and I took him with me on my road trip. I needed a navigator and believe it or not he can drive okay.”

“You let it drive?” Willow blurted out.

“Cousin Itt has his own car and had a license long before I was born, but yes Steve can drive, he just can't handle a stick shift too well is all.” Xander told Willow. “Anyways, we made it to New Jersey before the car died just outside of an old house that was complete with swamp and family plot.” Xander said as the Flashback began


“Man Steve, this place sure is spooky.” Xander told his companion as the animated hand was fingering a map.

“Are you sure I can't take a look at that map?” He asked the hand.

He got an angry shaking fist as an answer.

“Fine, no reason to be testy. Well since the engine fell out about thirty feet back I think we need to get our bearings and find a place to crash for the night. Are you sure I can't see the map?” he asked the hand again.

Another angry shake and some tapping.

“No, I do trust you, it's just.... fine. Look I'm going to take a look around, this place feels off.” Xander said as he looked up at the full moon that seemed to be unusually large in the sky. There was an awful baying sound that pierced the quiet of the night.

“Great...” Xander muttered. “Protect the car will you? Your gun's in the glove box. I need to get some gear if I'm going exploring.” Xander got out of the car and he heard Steve pop the trunk for him before locking the driver's side door.

“Wait a minute, are you telling me you gave a sentient hand a handgun?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, Steve's a decent shot too, why?” Xander asked, as his wife rolled her eyes.

“Nevermind, continue.” Buffy said.


Xander went to the trunk and started putting on his weapons. He already had one knife in his boot but he strapped another onto his thigh before he donned the modified rig he had for his sawed off shotgun. He put a couple of extra shells in the appropriate places and tucked a stake into the belt at his right side. He also grabbed the can of mace he had blessed by a priest back in vegas.

“I say, that is an awful lot of firepower.” Giles remarked.

Xander shrugged. “After the Judge and The mayor I realized that demons can be taken out with conventional weaponry, once they've been properly modified of course. The blessed mace was a good idea, it saved my ass a few times. The double burn is a great distraction. Now are you done interrupting?” he asked them.

“Sorry...” Giles said.

Xander nodded.

Xander walked along the wall that seemed to cover the whole property. It was made of what looked to be solid stone. He came across a gate that was already open. HE slowly walked through it and headed towards where the sounds had come from. The graveyard made the ones in Sunnydale look...normal.

Once he near the center of the graveyard he saw them... Two large figures in hooded robes. One of them was chanting something that sounded a lot like latin. Below them was a small boy that had been bound to a tombstone. Xander got one look at the knife the chanting one was brandishing and growled.

He drew his shotgun and shouted, “Hey uglies, leave the kid alone!”

The two robed figures looked at him then at each other. One of them shrugged and charged at him, surprisingly fast for its size.

Xander let it have both barrels and the figure ended up collapsing against the tombstone of one Alfred Tully.

There was an inhuman scream and the one who had been chanting in latin rushed at him even faster than the first one. His speed so great, that the hood had been knocked back revealing alabaster white skin and sunken eyes and rotted teeth gritted together in an animalistic snarl. Xander was knocked to the ground with two strong hands around his throat.

Having been through something similar to this position before, Xander was prepared. Instead of fighting the extremely strong grip on his throat he reached for the knife at his thigh. He managed to get it without the behemoth noticing and slashed its throat before it could realize what was happening. He left the knife embedded there as the struggled to get the body off of him now that it had been dispatched.

Coughing a bit and getting his wind back, Xander carefully walked up to the tombstone where the kid was tied and picked up the knife the pale faced one had dropped when he charged him.

“Don't worry kid. They won't hurt you now.” he told him as he cut the small child free.

If the other two had been quick, the kid was just plain fast. Before Xander could react there was the handle of the knife sticking out of his chest at an angle.

He looked at the kid who had a cold expression on his face before saying, “Well shit.” and falling forward.

The two robed figures stood as the child was taking the remains of his restraints off.

“Well that was new.” one of them said to the other.

“It was. I don't think he was playing” said the kid as he looked at the two robed ones.

The pale skinned one spoke. “He wasn't playing. He knew what he was doing.” He said as he looked at the body on the ground. “Well, mostly. We need to get him inside. Gomez doesn't want us leaving bodies in the bog anymore. We probably need to check to see if he had a vehicle of some sort too. People can get arrested for wearing weapons like he is.”

“I'll look for it Uncle Fester.” said the smaller robed one.

Fester smiled. “Good lad Pugsley. Just bring it up to the house. Maybe we can find out a thing or two about our dead friend here.”

“Wait....Dead?” Oz asked.

“Sort of”. Xander hedged. “It's complicated, hence the story.”

“Oh, go on then.” Oz said.

She was reading in her room when she noticed her little brother dragging a body up the drive by it's legs. Pubert could have carried it easily, but he was a little lazy at times.

She sighed and wandered down the winding steps to the foyer

“What happened now Pubert?” she asked him.

The mustachioed eight year old shrugged as he dragged the body further into the house. “This idiot interrupted us when Uncle Fester, Pugsley and me were playing.”

Wednesday eyed the body and the knife in it's heart. “What were you playing?” she asked her younger brother.

“Unwilling Sacrifice.” Pubert told her.

Wednesday stopped herself from pinching the bridge of her nose. Her little brother was a real handful at times. “Right. Was he alone?”

“We think so. Pugsley went to go look for this guy's car. Fester didn't recognize him so we need to figure out who he is and why he was here.” Pubert said. It should be noted that most of the Addams children were unusually bright in selective areas.

Wednesday nodded. “Go get Grandmama. We may just have to make soup out of this one. Did he do anything to Fester and Pugsley?”

“He shot pugsley with a shotgun and managed to slit uncle Fester's throat. They're both better now though. Why soup?” he asked.

Wednesday rolled her eyes. “The family motto Pubert. We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Remember it. It's also a good way of getting rid of bodies instead of tossing them into the bog. Just drag him into the kitchen and get Grandmama. We can sort it all out from there.”

Pubert nodded and dragged the body into the kitchen.

“Uncle Fester I think I could use your help.” Pugsley said as he staggered into the house.

“Great Scott! What happened to you boy?” Uncle Fester exclaimed as he took in his nephew's haggard appearance.

“There was something in the car. It shot me....a lot.” Pugsley told him.

Fester nodded. “Hang on. Thing” he called. Thing scurried into the room. “Go get Gomez and Morticia. Tell them about what happened. I'll go help Pugsley.”

Thing quivered in agreement and rushed off to fetch Gomez and Morticia.

Grandmama wandered into the kitchen from all the commotion as Wednesday and Pubert were laying the body on the kitchen table.

“What's all this then?” she asked staring at the body.

“He interrupted Pubert's game of Unwilling Sacrifice. Apparently he thought it was the real thing.” Wednesday said.

Pubert nodded. “He even shot Pugsley and managed to slit Uncle Fester's throat. But I got him with a knife in the heart, at an angle like you showed me Grandmama.”

Grandmama Frump eyed the knife and the angle. “Good lad. You bypassed the breastbone by going under it. Now then... where did you get the knife?” she asked Pubert.

“Uncle Knick Knack's collection.” Pubert told her.

Grandmama sighed. “Lurch, be a dear and get Uncle Knick Knack's book of nicked knick knacks would you?” she asked the overly tall manservant.

Lurch groaned and headed toward the library.

“Are you sure this guy isn't related to us?” Pugsley asked his uncle as they pushed the engineless vehicle up the drive towards the house.

Fester had helped him take care of the thing that had shot him, a hand that reminded them both of Thing.

“No, I don't think so. He hasn't been to any of the weddings or the party that celebrated my return. He's not an Addams.” Fester told him as they got the car to the the garage.

“Right, so what now?” Pugsley asked.

“We search his stuff. The trunk included. He might have more weapons in there or some other surprises.” Fester said as he headed to the back of the vehicle.

He opened the trunk and frowned. “Well... Curiouser and curiouser. Bring it all in Pugsley.” He told his nephew.

“Yes Uncle.”

Lurch looked on as Grandmama Frump thumbed her way through the thick tome that was Uncle Knick Knack's catalog of 'acquired' artifacts.

“Ah, here it is.” She said finally after looking at the knife again.

“What is it?” Gomez asked.

“Seems the youngest used the dagger of Claudius Addams. Claudius was a conniving thief.” Grandmama explained.

“The best kind.” Mortica commented.

“Yes, but he had this knife as a back up you see. He had it specially made. When combined with a potion, a person could be stabbed with it and fake his own death for a limited period of time. That way he could always fake his own death and either make a getaway or go back to the same people and try to steal from them again.” Grandmama said frowning. “Hmm....”

“What is is mother?” Mortica asked, glancing at the body on the table then back at Grandmama.

“Well there is a chance the boy isn't dead. Now it could be risky but if we feed him the potion while the knife is still in him, we can get him back on his feet.” She said.

“Why would we want to do that?” Wednesday asked.

“Because he's a Hunter.” Fester said as he and Pugsley came into the room with two large bags full of clothes and weapons. “This boy stumbled onto us playing a game of sacrifice. Considering where he's from and all the stuff he had in his car, I'm not surprised he acted as he did.” Fester said as he set the stuff down on the counter.

“What do you mean Fester?” Gomez asked.

“He's a demon hunter. From Sunnydale California.” Fester explained. “I checked his ID, not to mention he's got a well used copy of Tobin's spirit guide, a knife made from a crucifix, tracer rounds and other demon hunting equipment in his trunk. He also took care both Pugsley and myself. IF we were normal, by human or demon standards, we wouldn't have gotten up so easily from it.

“What's so different about.. California?” Pubert asked.

“Not the state boy, the city. It's La Boca del Inferno.” Fester said.

Grandmama gasped and Lurch moaned.

“The Hellmouth, exactly. Well one of them. I've been known to frequent the one in Cleveland.” Fester said with an impish grin. “I ended up losing my eleventh toe in a very long poker game.”

“So that's happened. I'd wondered since you got back.” Gomez exclaimed.

“Yes well... There are demons while some are no threat others make up a great one. This boy just stumbled onto the wrong situation at the wrong time. Besides, he's got what looks to be a cousin of Thing.” he said while holding up a large jar with a moving hand in it.

“What makes you think he didn't hear about us and come hunting?” Mortica asked.

“Aside from the fact that his engine fell out of his car? There aren't any markings on the maps he had about our location and he didn't try to kill Pubert. If he'd heard of us, he would have heard of him. Everyone has for one reason or another.” Fester explained.

“Huh, well I'll buy that. Still, if he's a hunter we may have a problem when he wakes up.” Gomez said, still peering at the body on the table. He wasn't the only one skeptical about this.

The Hand tapped against the glass and Grandmama started chuckling about something.

“What's so funny mother?” Morticia asked.

“This potion recipe, it's three steps away from my Yule pudding. The one that we use to make people honorary Addamses.” She said, staring at the book.

Wednesday looked up from the body. “What does that mean exactly Grandmama?”

“Well, if it works he'll be changed from it. How exactly, I'm not certain.” Grandmama said with a frown.

“Make it anyways mother, if anything, it'll make things here more interesting for a while.” Morticia.

“She's got a point there.” Fester said with a rueful grin.

Gomez clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “Let's get started then. We're burning moonlight!”

“Family project?” Pubert asked.

Mortica looked down at her youngest, “Yes dear, family project.”

“Does that mean we can't eat him?” Pubert asked.

“Maybe later if it doesn't work son. If not we can always visit that medical school again for leftovers.” Gomez told the little one.

“Hooray!” Pubert cheered.
“Wait....” Buffy interrupted..

“You know I hate to quote Perot, but can I finish?” Xander said.

“Sorry.” Buffy said.

Once the smoking brew was made they poured a ladle full of it down the body's throat while sitting it up so it would get down the esophagus.

“Is this going to work?” Wednesday asked dubiously.

“Well if it doesn't we can inject the potion into the knifewound before we pull out the blade. That could work as well.” Fester said.

“Right then, strip his shirt off so we can get better access.” Grandmama stated.

Lurch groaned and ripped the shirt in two for the family.

“Woah...” Puglsey said.

“Now that's an impressive set of scars.” Gomez said.

“Some of them are recent compared to the others.” Wednesday said staring intently at the tissue that had been hidden by a simple Hawaiian shirt.

“Wednesday?” Mortica asked.

“Sorry... it's just he's taken a lot of pain over the years and he still lived after it.” She said staring at the wounds... “He's not fragile.” She said. It was a statement, but to her parents it meant something else. Her last boyfriend.... hadn't lasted very long. Even after the transition... he hadn't lasted. Gomez and Mortica shared a worried look.

“He has dear. We can talk to him when he wakes up. Alright?” Mortica asked her.

“Yes Mother.” Wednesday nodded.

“Enough talk children.” Grandmama said. “Let's get some potion on the wound and pull the blade out. If the wound closes, it worked. If not, well we'll deal with that when we get there.”

“Yes mother. Pugsley be a dear and get the flavor injector.”

“Tish...” Gomez said.

“Mr. Popeil does make some decent products husband, and the accessories are wonderful.” Mortica countered.

Pugsley nodded and went off to find the item his mother had asked for. The potion was cooling quickly and thickening as it did so. He suddenly realized his mother's statements as well as his grandmother's reference to pudding.

Device in hand, Mortica moved quickly to the cauldron filling the flavor injector and forcefully inserting it as well as it's contents into the knife wound their currently dead guest possessed. Once it was done, she removed the knife in a quick jerk of movement. “There, that's done.” she said, holding the knife up in the light.

“It's closing!” Pubert exclaimed in awe, staring at the now closing wound in their guest's chest.

Grandmama smiled. “Excellent. He should awaken in a few hours at least, maybe as much as twelve. We'll talk to him when he awakens. Would someone be willing to take him to a guest room? I believe the one we used when Debbie was with us is the cleanest, if not the closest.

“I'll take him.” Wednesday volunteered.

“Daughter?” Gomez asked.

“I want to see his scars father, this may be the only chance I'll get. I also want to test something when he awakens.” Wednesday said with an odd gleam in her eyes.

“All right dear. Just don't do anything too drastic, he probably will be quite confused and angry when he awakens.” Gomez told his only daughter.

“Yes father. I will see all in the morning at breakfast.” She said before picking up the body in a fireman's carry and taking it upstairs to the room that once housed Uncle Fester's former wife. She placed him onto the bed and stared at him some as her eyes adjusted to the dimmer light of the bedroom. He looked different. She removed the tattered remains of his shirt and stared at the scars on his chest and arms. Some looked like claw marks, shallow ones but still there. She turned him over and saw the older scars on his back. Someone preferred to use a belt. She wondered if he'd ever gotten back at the one who'd done this to him as child. She fought the urge to find out who had done this to a hunter.

She wanted to know more about him... she wanted other things too but those would all have to wait until he'd awakened. She smiled a little as an idea crossed her mind. She pulled a small blade out from her own boot and placed it under the other pillow of the bed. She'd test him when he woke up.

Dawn came, breakfast was served and eaten quickly by most of the family members. Their guest had not awakened and Wednesday had volunteered to sit with him until he did.

The rest of the family were a little worried by this sudden increase in interest by Wednesday but she hadn't had any real interest in most things since she'd progressed so far in her personal studies of the subjects her parents had tutored her in after high school. There weren't any true academies these days that even offered courses in poisons and the different types of practices in modern witchcraft. Most of what she learned she'd had to learn from her family as well as an excessive number of books they'd procured over the last century and a half the Addams had spent in this area. Needless to say she'd progressed quite rapidly but well within the boundaries her parents had set for her.

So here she was, waiting for the new arrival to their household to awaken, reading her late Uncle Knick Nack's book of nicked knick knacks. If he had a dagger with such a peculiar ability, then he might have had something even more.... entertaining as well.

It was half past noon when she stopped reading. She looked up after she'd heard him gasp. He'd finally started to breathe. It was a good sign. She'd give him a few minutes before trying to wake him.

The rest of the family were enjoying lunch when they heard an unusually loud thump that shook some dust down upon them. This was followed by a growling sound and a crash that sounded a lot like a body being thrown into a wall... none to gently at that.

Gomez looked at his brother, both men then looked to Mortica.

Mortica smiled a little. “Let her have her fun. You'll see what I mean in a few minutes, well hear it at least.”

“Dear...” Gomez trailed off.

“A mother has a way of knowing these things husband. You'd best remember that.” Mortica reminded him.

There was another loud thump followed by more dust falling from the ceiling.

Gomez frowned. “I hope you're right about this dear.” He said dejectedly.


She'd tried to awaken him by putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking gently. He'd reacted almost just like she'd expected him to. He'd reached under the second pillow to grab the knife she'd left for him and had her pinned on the floor with the knife at her throat before she'd had a chance to react.


She grasped the strong hand that was holding the knife and started to push it away from her throat. Is was considerably difficult. The boy had obviously changed from the potion. She kicked up with her legs and managed to reverse the situation temporarily. She was straddling him, though he still held onto the knife and was still inching it towards her jugular.

She pinched a nerve cluster in his wrist forcing him to drop the blade and they wrestled for a moment before the boy's eyes flashed green for a half second. He started snarling and back handed her off of him and into the far wall of the room.

Wednesday recovered almost immediately and wiped a small amount of blood from her lip. She smiled ferally. A grin that was mirrored by the boy's own.

They attacked each other again, the knife forgotten.

There was a ripping sound, Wednesday's dress was ripped, showing an unusually large amount of skin. Apparently she'd dressed to undress, just in case.


“Wait...what?” Buffy asked.

Wendesday smiled. “What can I say? It was love at first blood.”

Xander laughed and kissed her hand. “We didn't actually get around to introductions until a few hours after that. Once that happened, and I'd learned her name as well as what had happened to me, we left to meet her family. It was a quick wedding once the rest of the Addams clan showed up.”

“Addams....Addams.” Giles said, frowing in thought. The name seemed more than a little familiar to him. “Oh dear lord... Fester Addams. Fester 'My bomb is biggger than your bomb' Addams is your Uncle?” he asked Wednesday.

“Yes he is.” She said calmly, but with a small smile.

“Bloody hell!” Giles almost screamed girlishly.

Xander chuckled into his still smoking drink.

Buffy finally said something about the beverage as well as what was on their plates.

“Oh my god! What are you people eating?!!!!” she exclaimed.

Xander shrugged. “This is the closest we can get to grandmama's cooking without making some ourselves, and we simply haven't had the time to cook today. It's halfway decent at least it was when it was still warm.” He said while poking at a lump on his plate that started to squeak angrily.

Any other further protests were interrupted by the sound of the front door of the bar slamming open. In came a blond, still partially tanned vampire in game face. “All right, where are the meanies that killed my Blondie Bear? Who killed my Spikey?” She screamed.

Wednesday perked up as she heard the yelling. Those screams were familiar to her. The tone and pitch, not the words. Someone... from summer camp.

She managed to get out of the booth without anyone except her husband noticing.

Xander stared at the vamp and at his wife. “Hey guys, since when was Harmony a vampire?”

Buffy shrugged. “I guess graduation. Wait... what's your wife doing?”

“We'll see.” Was all Xander said in response.

“It's been a long time Amanda.” Wednesday said to Harmony.

Harmony stared at the woman who'd stood up to face her. Recognition and fear formed on her features as she reverted back to her normal face.

“No.... we moved. We changed our names and everything! How did you find me!”

Wednesday shrugged. “I'm here with my husband. He's from here.”

“Someone married a freak like you?!!” Harmony/Amanda screeched. She then saw a man stand up.

“Harris? You married Xander Freaking Harris?” She screeched. Her revulsion for the boy overriding her current level of terror at being found by this person again.

“His name is Xander Addams now Amanda. We never did finish things that day back then did we? The authorities arrived far too soon.” Wednesday said. “Husband, an old friend of mine and I need to....catch up.” She said to the her husband before she suddenly appeared behind Harmony. She struck a quick blow to the back of the vampire's head which knocked her out.

Wednesday then proceeded to drag the unconscious vampiress to the rarely used ladies room. The demons in the bar gave her a wide berth for her passage.

The entire gang of Scoobies as well as the demons of the bar watched as the quiet woman dragged harmony into the bathroom.

They all then turned to look at Xander.

“What?” he asked.

Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose in a rather Giles-like gesture. “Are you sure about this whole Marriage thing Xander.” She asked him.

A scream of unholy terror came from the bathroom.

Xander smiled. “What's not to love?”

The End

You have reached the end of "wives of Xander: cooky bride, or spooky girl". This story is complete.

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