Title: Merry Christmas, Brigadier
Crossing: BtVS/Doctor Who
Characters: Faith, the Brigadier
Rating: FR18 in case Faith says something naughty.
Summary: Post-Chosen. Another story in the Strange Chaps with Bad Teeth saga. The Brigadier finds a present on his desk, and opens it. It’s something useful…Yeah, that’s pretty much the summary.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Doctor Who or anything else mentioned that you recognize in any manner. If I did, and I met Faith, she would probably make me blush and torment me for fun. I could live with that.
Author’s Notes: My last fan fiction of 2006, the year I took the plunge and actually wrote some fan fiction. Another bit with the Brigadier and Faith, slightly different from the first two entries. I got inspiration from working on Christmas Eve. As always, please read and review. Oh, and have a Happy New Year!
London, several days after Christmas...
Brigadier Alastair Lethbridge-Stewart, Retired, went into his study after a long day of dodging meetings. It was the holiday season, he thought, and such nuisances could wait until the New Year.
Sitting on his desk was a beautifully wrapped present complete with bow and ribbon. A card was perched on top. The Brigadier was uncomfortable. His study was locked and only he had the key. Yet the Doctor had left him gifts on Christmas before. He pulled out his Webley, just in case.
Gingerly he opened the card. It was a humorous Christmas card, something about Santa Claus, his sleigh, and some tasteless body functions. He glanced down and saw who sent it.
It was from Ms. LeHane. Attached to the card was a letter. He sat down at his desk and began to read.Dear Brigadier,
Merry Christmas, Gramps!
How’s it going, old timer? Sorry you couldn’t come over for Christmas dinner. Nobody burned any food or person, and we only had to stop one cult from trying to destroy Cleveland! That’s what we call in the Slayer business as a quiet Christmas night.
Thanks for the gifts for the younger slayers. The girls really appreciated the things that let them feel like regular girls, not vampire slayers.
And thanks again for the kukri. Where did you find such a wicked blade? Balanced and everything. Took a vampire's head clean off in one strike. Now that‘s a great gift, Brig.
Now to the box on your incredibly orderly desk. I sent it Witch Mail, if you know what I mean. Red dropped it off when she was passing through your neck of the woods. Go on, you know you want to open it.
The Brigadier put down the letter and reached for the gift. Eagerly he ripped off the wrapping paper. He used his letter opener to open the box. Under the obscene amount of tissue paper he saw what was inside. He pulled it out, and set it on the table.
It was beautiful.
Before him sat a carved wooden box. It was varnished to a rich brown color with a simple Celtic-inspired design running the length of the box. The feet of the box were four claws each clutching a small wooden sphere. The Brigadier opened his gift. Inside was a royal purple inlay upon which ten silver bullets sat glinting in the middle.
He glanced back to the letter.X (Mr. Harris) made the box last month. That boy has some mad skill, Brig. I had him make it for you. I wanted to give him some cash, but he wouldn’t take it. It’s just the way boy toy is.
Anyway, the bullets in the box are your Christmas gift, since you used the ones your friend gave you in that alley a few months ago. I asked Buffy (you met her, the intense blonde chick at the convention), if she knew where to get some. She got me in touch with one of her ex-boy toys, Riley Finn. Him and his missus do some hush-hush work for the Feds. We got some bad history between us, but Finn is good people. I told him the situation, and asked him about the bullets they use to take out the monsters.
By the way, Finn and his wife want your autograph. I told ‘em it was a gift for you. He started acting like a little kid, going on like ‘do you have any idea how many times Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart has saved the world?’ I know you got that smug smile right now, Brig; don’t get a big head.
Anyways, so Finn sends me to this gunsmith who owes him a favor. Dude did a great job. The bullets are made for your Webley, with an armor-piercing tip. Considering the amount of weird crap you run into, he threw in some surprises. Inside you have a sliver from the bones of St. Dunstan, some petrified wood, and some gold. I had the gold thrown in for them metal guys you say try to invade Earth every couple of years. Them cipher-, saber-, cybermen or what ever you call them. The people shaped metal guys, not the ones shaped like a sex toy on wheels screaming how they're gonna kill you. These bullets will take out almost anything.
I hope you like your Christmas present, Gramps. See ya later in January when you’re back in the states.
Five by Five,
The Brigadier picked up one of the bullets and held it up to the light. The craftsmanship was superb, with a nice penetrating tip and some interesting runes around the center of the bullet. He placed the bullet back in the box and closed it up.
Glancing down at the letter he noticed the arrow at the corner of the page. The word OVER was placed above it. He flipped the sheet over and began to read again.P.S.-Hey Brig. Thanks for being a great guy towards me. You haven’t judged me for my past or looks. Or if you did, you at least had class enough not to say anything about it. Not many men treat a girl like me with that kind of respect. I appreciate that.
And stop calling me Ms. LeHane. I know that’s my name and all, but it sounds so formal. The only people that call me Ms.-anything were my teachers, when I actually went to school, and the folks at the jail. My friends call me ‘Faith’. I consider you a good friend. Faith is good.
Have a Merry Christmas, Brigadier.
The Brigadier put the letter down. He had never expected to form a friendship with the so-called “Dark Slayer”. Mr. Giles had suggested Faith accompany him in London due to a recent rash of vampire attacks. He protested, but the younger man had insisted. As he remembered, Faith was not so fond of the arrangement either. Yet over time he had become quite fond of the girl, and often visited with her and the younger slayers when he was in the States.
True, at times he found the girl quite vulgar and prone to taking unnecessary risks. But the Brigadier also took note of other times, when Faith showed a sense of honor and gentleness that some may not have noticed. The little things she did when she thought no one was looking, She was trying to stay on the road to redemption to make up for the wrong she had done. That was to be respected.
And she made him chuckle as few people had over the years. Even if some of her antics went against his military sensibilities.
The Brigadier decided on his next course of action. He reached for the telephone.
After punching in the phone number for the Cleveland Slayer House, he waited for the line to ring. A friendly voice answered. The Brigadier began to speak.
“Hello? This is Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart…Yes, that loud British guy…Yes, I thought I was quite impressive as well…I’m calling to speak to Ms. LeHane. Nothing life-threatening; she had a Christmas gift delivered to me and I wanted to thank her…Oh, your welcome. The girls liked the toys and games? Good…She’s in? Well. It was a pleasure talking to you, my dear.
“Hello, Ms. Le-I mean, Faith. This is the Brigadier. I found your gift on my desk. Tell Mr. Harris and Ms. Rosenberg thank you as well…It was wonderful. Thank you, dear girl…Me? I just got in from a long day of doing nothing. You?…Well that sounds rather distasteful. Then I take it vampires attacked?…”
Faith began to tell him about the strange events of her day.
For a day that started rather annoyingly, the Brigadier thought, it was ending quite nicely indeed.