Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Apologies in advance to everyone for this fic. I offer no defense other than the fact that I obviously need a great deal of help. This is intended as humor.
Hostile Working Environment
Jolly Old St Nick, Santa Claus too many, Kris Kringle to others, began his December by reviewing the ‘Naughty and Nice’ list. A knock at the door surprised him. He left specific instructions not be disturbed.
Arising from his table and crossing to the room Santa opened the door. A young man with dark hair wearing a business suit and carrying a leather briefcase stood calmly at the entrance.
“Ho, Ho, Ho and Merry Christmas to you,” Santa said. “What brings you to the North Pole young man?”
“Lindsey McDonald,” the young man said. “I’m here on behalf of Wolfram and Hart.”
“I know all about them young Lindsey,” Santa replied. “They are on my permanent Naughty List.”
“Be that as it may Mr. Kringle,” Lindsey said as he strode into the room. “I’m here on behalf of clients.”
“Clients?” Santa said. “This isn’t another class action suit on behalf of children on the Naughty List again? My methodology has been upheld in the highest Courts many times.”
“We learned our lesson on that one already Mr. Kringle,” Lindsey smirked. “This is actually a claim filed on behalf of one Rudolph Reindeer and Hermey Elf.”
“Rudolph? Hermey?” Santa paused in thought. “You mean the young lad with glowing nose and the Elf that wants to be a dentist?”
“Yes, those two,” Lindsey replied setting his briefcase on the table and opening it. “Specifically they are claiming the creation of a hostile work environment.”
“What?” Santa was confused.
“It’s all spelled out right here in the complaint Mr. Kringle,” Lindsey said pulling out a stack of legal briefs and handing them to Santa. “And I must say they have a very strong case. Rudolph sites dozens of examples of your other reindeer laughing at him, calling him names and denying him the opportunity to play in their Reindeer Games. Hermey sites examples of the elves ridiculing his career choices as well as the lack of educational opportunities.”
“I don’t understand?”
“Mr. Kringle,” Lindsey shook his head. “I’m disappointed. I’ll concede many of the suits Wolfram and Hart have brought against you have been frivolous and largely just to annoy you. But your blatantly allowing young Rudolph to be continuously abused at the hands … pardon me hooves, of your other reindeer and your disrespect for Hermey’s career aspirations. I honestly expected better of you Mr. Kringle. We’ll be in touch with you to schedule a settlement conference.”
With that Lindsey shook his head sadly at Santa, picked up his briefcase and left.
A/N 1 - Again I’m sorry. And yes I do need help.
A/N 2 –I know this contradicts the Santa myth that Anya spoke about in the show. But to be fair, Anya could very well have been lying. Let’s be honest, Santa does represent the antithesis of the capitalist credo that Anya subscribes to. She would take any opportunity to undermine his message.