Disclaimer: I still own nothing of SG1 or of BtVS.
*Set after Chosen on BtVS and two days after Point of View on SG1.
Sam stared at her reflection, searching for a hint of the person that her duplicate was.
Nope. Nothing. Same old, same old. Great.
"Sam?" Carter whirled around to see Daniel standing at her door. She hadn't even heard him knock. "Sorry to bother you, but I saw your light on and the door was open. Thought you might want to talk," Daniel stopped at the look in his friend's eyes, her expression one that he was very familiar with. It was the same expression that he had seen in the mirror for the past three years each morning when he reminded himself that Shar'ee was no longer there. That a part of his heart and soul was no longer present. "Are you ok?"
Smiling Sam put down the cold cloth she was holding and stepped out of the bathroom and towards the archaeologist that stood in her doorway. She sighed softly and the smile seemed to melt from her face.
"No, not really."
"You want to talk about it?" The archaeologist asked as he took a step into her room.
"Got a couple of hours?"
"Yeah, actually, I do." Sam looked at her friend for a moment before sitting on her bed. Daniel closed the door behind him and carefully sat beside her. "So…?"
"There are a couple of things that I've never talked to any of you about, things that I guess I thought I should be ashamed of." Jackson looked at Carter with interest; knowing how difficult it was for her to talk about her past. "You see, I had a sister, she'd have been… God, I don't know, about twenty three now. She had… well, she'd always been kind of different. After mom died, I didn't know what to do with her and neither did dad. She ended up in some...trouble and I abandoned her when she really needed someone to believe in her. I left her in an institution because I couldn't handle it. Some kind of sister, huh? Talking to Samantha earlier…” Sam stopped and looked at her hand, at the small scar on her palm, “I started wondering what would have happened if I had done things differently. If she would still be alive."
"How did she die?"
"I don't know. Three years ago I got a letter in the mail. Some guy who I'd never even heard about, a Mr. Giles of Sunnydale. The letter only said that she had passed away. Just that she had died and that I should be proud of her. That’s it…nothing more. No reason why, or how, or anything. He didn't even tell me when the funeral was, I guess he didn’t think I deserved to be there."
"Sam, I’m so sorry," he started, his hand softly settling on her shoulder, but she shook off his comforting hand.
"I didn't even know she was in Sunnydale, I thought that she was still in Los Angeles." Sam ground out, her hands clenching into fists. "After I got the letter, I tried to reach Aunt Joyce only to find out that she had died earlier that year. I never even knew. Buffy never called to tell me. I know she must have been mad at me when I had left her in there but I thought it was for the best!" Sam shot off of the bed and began pacing, her eyes becoming distant as she remembered the pained hazel eyes that had started at her through the cell window. She had tried to be there for her sister. She had. "She was talking about demons and vampires! She was claiming to be something called the Slayer. She burned down the gym of her school! Thirty people were injured and three died. I just couldn't handle that. I didn't know how and I honestly thought she'd be better in there, where people could help her. It wasn't even for another three months when I returned that I found out Aunt Joyce had taken her out of there a week after I had visited her. I tried to talk to her then." Sam's steps faltered, her shoulders slumping as though the strength had suddenly fled from her, and she stepped back towards her bed, wearily dropping onto the mattress beside Daniel. "I even tried to go through my Uncle Hank, he at least had a number for them. Do you know what she said? She said I wasn’t her family any more, to leave her alone.” Anguish filled Sam’s eyes. “And I did. I left her alone. I was so mad at her for just turning me away, for not understanding that I had done what I had thought was best for her, that I didn't even try to explain. I never even knew my sister." Sam's hand bunched in her lap, wringing together as she fought with the guilt that even after three years, still reverberated through her when she allowed herself to remember. "I did try to find out everything about her after I found out about her death. I looked her files up, trying to find out what happened. There was nothing."
"You mean that there was no mention of how she died?" Daniel asked, a frown of confusion on his face.
"No. There was nothing. Her life after fifteen wasn't there. I don't know what kind of life she had and I'll never know. It's driving me crazy. Was she happy? Was she married? Was she dating someone? What happened to my SISTER?" The last word was shouted and Sam began crying. Daniel drew her to him and tried to comfort her as best he could. Three years of pent up grief flowed our of her finally breaking free; she sobbing until the tears would no longer come.
Daniel remained silent, gently cradling Sam as she let go of her grief. Remembering all too well how he had once wandered the halls of the mountain base after returning from Abydos, aimlessly roaming without knowing where to go or what to do until Jack had found him and taken him home. Long minutes ticked by, Sam's sobs slowing and then eventually stilling. Drawing away, Sam offered Daniel a watery smile.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to unload on you. It's just...I talked to Samantha and we started talking about the differences between us." Sam took in a shaky breath, recalling all too vividly the look her alternate self had aimed at her when Sam had told her that she hadn't taken Buffy. That she had left her in that place. She hadn't even been able to choke out anything more than that Aunt Joyce had taken Buffy out shortly after and taken her to California. It was hard enough second guessing her own actions. She hadn't wanted to see the same recrimination in Samantha's eyes. "Turns out she never joined the military so that she could take care of her sister. Lizzie Kawalsky, who died at the age of twenty-one with her sister and her husband by her hospital bed. It's...I just wonder how things would have been. I wonder if she died all alone, if at the end of her life she died thinking that she was alone and there was no reason to keep on going."
There was nothing that Jackson could say and for a long time after the two sat only in silence, Daniel lending as much comfort to his friend as possible, and Sam remained lost in her own thoughts of what might have been.
*FYI: Buffy's death mentioned above was from the Gift. Giles is the only one that knew about Buffy's real family and he kept her secret, only notifying Sam of her sister's death and nothing more.
**Sorry for the length between postings. I was stuck on how I wanted to proceed, but, now the updates will come quicker hopefully. Thank you for reading! Please review and let me know what you think.