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The Slayer and the Dwarf

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Summary: Buffy gets Drunk with our favoured Dwarf

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Lord of the Rings > Buffy-Centered > Theme: Post FellowshipWhiteWolfFR71028,614142428,51213 Jun 0318 Jan 04No

Isengard Under new Management

Title: The Slayer and the Dwarf

Author: The man with the beard

Disclaimer: If I would own them why would I be here. Of course I don't own them.

Spoilers: Non at the moment, but this is defently after season 6 or 7

Summery: A Buffy/LotR X-over.Buffy is send to Midle Earth.

A/N: Thanx for all the reviews and sorry for the delay in update. This one is not Beta-ed
because I have lost my beta-extraordinaire Jenn. I haven't heard from her in a month.
I had to make a decision either wait until she gets back or post it.

Chapter 9:

Listening to the little fellow Buffy immediately like him. He seemed to have a great sense of
humour. Buffy slid of her horse mostly hidden by Angel from the Hobbit's sight. Gandalf

"And did Saruman order you to guard his damaged doors, and greet arriving quests, when
your attention could be spared from plate and bottle?" Gandalf was shaking his head i

"No, good sir. It was Treebeard from whom we receive our orders. He had taken over the
management of Isengard and he had placed us here to greet the Lords of Rohan with fitting
words for which I think they were adequate."

"And what of us, your comrades? What about me and Legolas?" Gimli couldn't contain
himself anymore. "You know the hunt you have led us? Two hundred leagues, through fen
and forest, battles and death, to rescue you! And here you sit feasting and smoking a pipe!
Smoking! Where did you rascals come by the weed? Hammer and tongs! I am torn between
smashing your heads and dancing from joy. I almost burst for sure."

Buffy was silently giggling under her hand at the Dwarf's outburst.

"Gimli speaks true for both of us." Legolas laughed. "Though I would sooner learn how they
came by the wine."

"It seemed that our would-be rescuers missed some wits in their hunt, Merry." Pippin said,
opening an eye still lying down. Then he sat up straight. "Here they find us on the field of a
victory, amongst plunder of armies, and they wonder how we came by a few well-earned

"Well-earned?" Gimli said outraged. "I cannot believe that!"

'Oh, yeah.' Buffy thought while keeping her laugher down. 'I'm going to like these Hobbits.'

Buffy wasn't the only one who laughed. The Riders laughed with her but aloud.

"It joys my heart to witness the meeting of dear friends." Theoden laughed. "So these are your
missing friends, Gandalf? These days have marvelled me. First the Ents and now we're
meeting Halflings. What marvels are we going to see next?"

"Who knows maybe flying monkeys?" Buffy answered the King's rhetorical question.

That was the first time the Hobbits notice Buffy. The present of a Lady made them
straightened their clothes a little and they even bowed to her.

"Forgive us Milady. We didn't see you." One of the Hobbits said.

"Hey, I'm not that small to be overlooked. I bet if I lived in the Shire I would be called Buffy
the Giantess." Buffy retorted with good humour.

"No, they would call you Buffy the Golden One." Pippin flattered Buffy.

"Or Buffy the Fair with the Golden Hair." Merry added his own praise.

"Buffy the Enchanted." Merry and Pippin were trying to outdo each other. It made Buffy
laugh. Buffy turned to king Theoden.

"I think I got a far better welcome than you."

Theoden smiled at Buffy. "I can't blame them."

Buffy blushed and Aragorn thought that this was a good time to introduce her to the Hobbits.

"Merry, Pippin. May I introduce you to Lady Buffy, Lady of Helm's Deep." Aragon's
introduction was interrupted by Buffy.

"Just recently acquired. You save a kingdom and they shower you with titles and lands." Buffy
rolled her eyes in amusement.

Aragon grinned and continued. "And the Slayer of Monsters and Demons."

"Slayer." "Monsters." "Demons."

Gandalf laughed. "It sorrows me to interrupt this joyful reunion. But we have to speak to
Treebeard. Where can we find him?"

Pippin recovered first and pointed through the gate. "Go through there and at the fifth house
go left and you can't miss him."

Pippin was still staring at the petite woman, when he gave Gandalf directions. Gandalf smiled
before he turned to Aragorn. "Why don't you, Gimli and Legolas stay with the Hobbits and
exchange stories while I and king Theoden go find Treebreard."

Aragorn agreed, got of his horse and gave the reins to a rider. Legolas and Gimli did the same.
Gandalf turned to Buffy.

"Lady Buffy. It is up to you if you want to join us or stay."

Buffy looked at the Hobbits who grinned at her. Buffy smiled and turned her eyes back on

"Choosing between the tree-people and friendly Hobbits, who seemed to have food. No
contest." Buffy saw a small picnic lying behind the Hobbits. Buffy gave the rein to a rider
closest to her. "Please take good care of him."

"I will, milady." The rider bowed his head a little.

Buffy smiled at him before she turned her attention on Angel. She petted his mane. "If I find a
treat. I'll share."

Angel bobbed her with his head in half understanding. A few quick 'see you later's were
shared amongst the friends before Gandalf and king Theoden left to see Treebeard leaving
Buffy and the rest behind.

Gimli was the first one who was starting to ask about food and weed, making sure that they
weren't serve any Orc food. Buffy was glad that the Hobbits assured Gimli that it was Man
food and not Orc food. They entered the guardhouse with a warm fire burning in a stove.
While Merry was taking care of the food, Pippin offered wine and ale. Of course the Hobbits
served Buffy first and the Dwarf was complaining in mock. This made the Elf and the Heir of
Isildur laugh.

While eating they talked about how the two groups ended up in Isengard. The Hobbits started
about telling how Boromir had defended them and died for his effort, adding to the tale was
how they were then captured by the Orcs. On hearing this Gimli toasted on the brave Boromir
followed by the others including Buffy.

Aragorn told how they let Frodo and Sam go to Mordor to fulfill the mission. Aragorn still
didn't tell Buffy about the Ring. Not that he didn't trust her, but he somehow didn't feel it
necessary at the moment to tell her. Buffy, of course, took it personal, but nevertheless
shrugged it off.

Both Hobbits and Aragorn spoke about their separated journey to Fangor. The Hobbits told
about the Ents in Fangor and Aragorn told about what happened in Edoras and how they
ended up in Helm's Deep. The Hobbits told how the Ents had conquered Isengard.

By then the story of Helm's Deep was shared by Man, Elf and Dwarf. The story revolted most
about Buffy's feats of arms. She kept quiet in amusement and didn't interrupt the men tell
their story. The way they told it, it almost seemed like Buffy had single handed defended
Helm's Deep. Which made Buffy blush.

The Hobbits were awestricken. They couldn't believe that such a small person could have
done all that. After Buffy had gotten over her embarrassment, she told the Hobbits how she
didn't do it all on her own. Not that it helped to lessen the awe the Hobbits felt for her.

It didn't take the Hobbits long to fire their curious questions at Buffy and she patiently and
with amusement answered as much as possible. When they were finished eating they went
outside to smoke some weed.

Buffy's protests and warning about health risk didn't stop them. So she sat down wind. When
she did catch some smell of the burned weed, to her surprise it didn't smell at all that bad.
Although it had a familiar smell of a joint. She noticed that their moods were raising a little.
Buffy had a feeling that their weed was a family of the 'weed' home. This made Buffy smile
thinking about a whole Shire full of potheads.

They decided to walk to Gandalf and the others while smoking. Buffy was about to meet her
first Ent. She was awed by how tall he was wit all the branches. She had seen the Ents from
afar but up close they were even more impressing.

"Wow, when I get home I'm going to get me a membership of Green Peace."

"Green Peace?" The Ent asked.

"It's a nonprofit organisation which goals are to protect trees and animals. So that we and
future generations could enjoy nature." Buffy explained.

"That's a noble task. Is there much need of their servers?" The Ent looked impressed.

"Alas yes, Man's greed and overpopulation is a bad combination for forests and animals."
Buffy said a little careful, she didn't want to upset the big Ent.

Treebeard nodded in understanding.

"Sometimes I wonder why I fight for them." Buffy added surprising herself.

"But you fight for them." Treebeard could sense something special about the little woman.

"My friends and sister ... and people like them worth fighting for, dying for." Buffy's voice
turned up cheery. "And don't forget the shoes. You really think I could get some fashionable
shoes when demons rule the world, destroy or wreck amok in it?"

The Ent looked confused. But Gimli laughed.

"The lady has a shoe obsession." Gimli looked down to his own shoes. "Which I can't

Buffy put her hands on her hips and frowned at Gimli. "That's because you only use your
shoes to get from one place to the other. For me it's an accessory to an ensemble. But you
wouldn't know that because you probably only have worn one outfit in twenty years. For
every dress or outfit I own I need a different pair of shoes. You know colour scheme."

"And how many dresses does milady have?" Theoden asked curious remembering his own
niece and the clothes she possessed.

"Oh, not that many ten to fifteen, I think." Buffy was counting them on her fingers. "But I'm
more of a pants and skirt girl with blouses and shirts. Your lucky I only took two outfits
otherwise you needed at least ten packhorses to transport all my clothes and that without my

"Valar protect us." Aragorn was shocked. "Not even Arwen has that many clothes."

"Woman, how can you afford that many clothes. It must have cost a fortune." Legolas added
his opinion shocked.

"Oh yeah, it did. But where I come from they make clothes much cheaper then here. It's
affordable back home even if it cost me an arm and a leg."

"I didn't know the Race of Man could regrow their limbs." Treebeard enquired. He looked
intensive at Buffy's limbs.

Buffy laughed. "It's an expression. Meaning that I spent a lot of my well earned money on

"Ah, that makes much more sense." The Ent shook his head in amazement. "You little people
are very strange creatures."

Buffy frowned a little about the Ent's comment. Gandalf saw fit to interrupt them at this

"Hate to interrupt again." Gandalf's smile was mainly directed at Buffy. "But I've done what I
came here to do. I only have to see Saruman before we leave."

"Aye, I want to see this Saruman too and see how much he resembles you." Gimli frowned
while saying it.

Gandalf went all cryptic and how dangerous Saruman's voice was. Buffy rolled her eyes and
filtered it out. She hated it when people started to speak cryptic which made her attention span
waver toward the tower. Even though at the great distance she could see someone in white
move behind a window close to the top. When Gandalf, followed by king Theoden, Aragorn,
Gimli and legolas, walked to the entrance to the tower, Buffy stayed behind with the Ent. The
two Hobbits stayed behind with the Riders at the bottom of the stairs.

Buffy was still observing the window even though the figure wasn't there anymore.

Treebeard looked down and saw that Buffy was still standing in front of him. "You don't want
to see the wizard Saruman, little one?"

If anybody else would have called her little one, she would had frowned at them, but for the
Ent everything that wasn't an Ent was little. So she let it pass and even smiled. "Nah, there is
no reason for me to meet him and to be honest I have no interest to be mesmerized. There is
no fun in it." Buffy shrugged in disgust.

"You've been under the influence of Saruman's voice before." Treebread sounded concern.

"No, never met him before. I had a few enemies who had the power of mind control." Before
the Ent could inform about these enemies, Buffy changed the subject to the Ent's aggravation.
The Race of Man spoke way too haste for his taste. "Do you think you could throw me
accurate to that window?"

Treebeard looked in the direction in which Buffy pointed and saw the window she meant. He
had no doubt he could throw Buffy that far, who didn't weigh that much. But with accuracy
he wasn't sure. He needed to think it over. His thinking took awhile and Buffy wasn't known
for her patience.

"So can you?" She asked again.

Before Treebeard could answer of reprimanding her about her hast another Ent spoke.

"That shouldn't be any problem for an Ent to throw you that far." A young Ent said.

Treebeard knew him as Fastleaf, who was still young in Ent's years.

"Good, pick me up and throw me." Buffy ordered the younger Ent.

Before Treebeard could stop them. Fastleaf picked the petite slayer, guessed her weight before
he threw her at the window. His aim was just slightly off. Buffy had to make some effort to
grab the edge of the window to haul herself up and tumble through the window.

"Fastleaf. In your haste you almost made her fall." Treebeard reprimanded the younger Ent
who looked ashamed down.

Getting up Buffy was rubbing her sore places and knew she would feel them in the morning.
She had no plans to do it again and would really think it over before she let somebody threw
her again. She didn't really mind the throwing part. She even found it exhilarating flying threw
the air and feeling the wind in her face. But the landing was rough and the thought of what
would have happened if she had missed her target completely scared her for a second. She had
no idea why she had done something so foolish. Giles would have reprimanded her about it.
She quickly put Giles out of her mind before she would start thinking about the others.

Looking around Buffy saw that she had landed in the bedroom with a grandeur four-poster
bed. The room looked just how she would have pictured a wizard's bedroom would be. She
quickly crossed the room to get to the door and opened it carefully. She didn't expect the
Wizard to be there. She had seen him addressing Gandalf and the others before she let the Ent
throw her, but he might have posted guards in the hallways. Better safe than sorry.

Outside the room Buffy walked toward the stairs. Her senses told her to go downward and
that's the way she went. She passed by closed door without even giving them a glance. She
walked on and still nobody crossed her path. It felt almost like eons had passed when Buffy
stopped in front of a double door entrance that almost could have been called a gate. Buffy
looked around before she put her ear against the door and when she didn't hear any sound
coming from the other side, she opened the door ajar. The room was round and in the middle
was a pedestal and on it was an object covered up by a clothe. Buffy pushed the door wide
enough open to let her through.

Her spidey sense was on high alert. Buffy looked to all sides of the room while approaching
the object at the center. She even walked backward a few steps to make sure nobody was at
her back or at the door. Buffy walked around the pedestal to have a good look at the object
on it even though it was covered by the clothe.

Something was beckoning her to look at the object. It was almost ordering her to do it. Buffy
stretched her hand out and at the last moment she redirected her hand, instead to remove the
clothe she picked the object up and warped the clothe tighter around the object. Which she
now could see and feel the form which had a sphere shape.

Having the object wrapped up made the assault on Buffy's senses diminish. Buffy knew she
had found what she came for. Now was the time to get out of Dodge. Buffy ran toward the
door and almost slammed it behind her, but caution made sure she didn't do anything reckless.
Outside in the Hallway she heard a voice. It reminded her of Gandalf. She deduced that it must
belong to Saruman. She followed the voice to a room to which the door was open. Buffy
peeked in and saw the back of a white figure on a balcony and about twenty feet behind him a
nervous wreck of a human being, which Buffy compared in her head to a rat and a snake at the
same time. She also heard Gandalf's voice who seemed to have an argument with Saruman.
Buffy wasn't focussed neither interested in the argument between the two wizards. She crept
up behind the miserable excuse of a human being and hit him unconscious without alerting

Buffy approached her second victim and this time she focussed on what was said for she was
about to make a grand entrance and timing was alway important for that. Buffy stood behind
Saruman in such a way that she could dispatch him easily and that she was out of sight from
Gandalf and the others.

" .... Gandalf the Grey. I'm Gandalf the White and you, Saruman, are cast out of the Order of
Wise and Their Council."

That was Buffy's cue.

"Ahh, Big Bad Wizard has got canned."

Saruman almost jumped when he heard Buffy's voice behind him. He turned with his staff in
front of him in some kind of defensive position. "What?" Confusion was clearly read on his
face. Buffy didn't let him recover and snatched his staff out of his hands.

"I think this means you have to return you staff and membership card." Without any hesitation
Buffy snapped the staff in two over her knee and throw it over the balustrade without
removing her eyes from Saruman. "Catch Gandalf."

Without meaning to she also threw the wrapped object with the broken pieces of the staff.
Saruman getting over his shock launched at her. "You wretched wench."

Buffy easily caught his one of his arms and bent it around his back. She kicked him in the back
of his knees forcing him down. Out of nowhere she pulled a knife and held it at his throat.

"Gandalf with one slice through his throat and he won't be anybody's problem." Buffy raised
her voice in a calm and neutral tone, so that she could be heard by Gandalf.

Buffy was waiting for an anwer but she didn't receive anything back. She heard Gandalf speak
to Pippen and when she received her answer it didn't come from Gandalf but Theoden.

"Let him go, Lady Buffy."

Buffy sighed. "Yes, my liege." Buffy said it a little sarcastic. She pushed Saruman away from
her toward the floor. She turned her back to the balustrade. "It's your lucky day today, Wiz-man. Don't make me regret this decision. Because the next time we meet you'll die."

Buffy made one flip backwards landing on the balustrade and her next flip she made an almost
perfect landing in front of Legolas, who steadied her from falling. Still in Legolas' arms she
smiled up at him.

"I think we are finished here." While she entangled herself out of Legolas' arms she saw that
Gandalf at the bottom of the stair beside Pippin. "What is Gandalf doing down there?"

Buffy didn't wait for an answer and walked down. It was Gimli who answered.

"He seemed to be worried about what you threw down, lass." Gimli changed the subject.
"And how did you get up there?"

"Oh, shit." Buffy now remembered that she didn't have the object anymore. "Gandalf. Don't
look in the object. It is dangerous, but I think it's also important."

"I know Lady Buffy," was his response.

Being satisfied with that answer, she had a feeling that Gandalf knew what the object was, she
turned to Gimli to answer his question. "I asked an Ent to threw me into Saruman's

A few 'what?' and a 'you're crazier than a Dwarf' from Legolas. Gimli laughed after the initial
shock and he clapped her on the back. "Well done."

Buffy smiled at the Dwarf and when she reached the bottom she turned her attention at

"I did good?" Buffy looked eager at Gandalf.

Gandalf smiled. "Yes, you did."

"So what is it?" Buffy asked curious.

Buffy saw in Gandalf face that he didn't want to say. She threw her arms up in annoyance.
"Fine. Don't tell me if you don't want to."

Buffy frowned and mumbled under her breath only heard by the Elf who smirked. "It was me
who risked her neck for that trinket."

Buffy changed subject. "So what now? Where are we going now?"

"Back to Helm's Deep to gather our forces for our next battle against Sauron." Gandalf said.

"So, we're going for our next Big Bad, who makes Saruman look like a small potato."

"Yes." Gandalf said with a smile.

"We aren't going to do it on our own, right." Buffy looked hopeful at the old wizard.

"No, this time we are the 'cavalry'." Gimli said.

Buffy smiled for Rohan's defenders were cavalry. "To whose rescue are we going?"

"Gondor's, Minas Tirith." Aragorn said.

"Gondor?" Buffy thought out loud. That name sounded familiar. She turned to Aragorn.
"Aren't you suppose to be king - how do you call it - uncrowned king of Gondor?"

"Yes." Aragorn looked sad at that notion.

"So we are going to your rescue this time."

Aragorn nodded but kept silence.

Buffy continued. "So, what is the plan?"

"The only plan we have now is gathering our forces and going to Minas Tirith." Gandalf
answered in Aragorn's place.

"You must be joking. Don't tell me the Great Wizard doesn't have a plan." Buffy said in

Gandalf just glanced over to Aragorn. Buffy almost didn't notice it. But the glance told her
enough. "Oh, you have plans but you can't tell them until Aragorn made his mind up about

Gandalf was shocked how perspective the petite woman was. Buffy turned to Aragorn.

"Whatever you have to decide. I think you have a few days, although I think we have most of
Rohan's defenders camped at Helm's Deep. We probably need more than a few days before
we have gathered the full force of Rohan." Buffy looked at king Theoden for confirmation.

"Lady Buffy is right."

Buffy smiled at the king before turning to Aragorn. "If you need help or just somebody to talk
to. I'm here for you."

"That is very generous of you, Lady Buffy." Aragorn bowed his head toward Buffy.

Buffy didn't know how to take that so she simple shrugged it off. "After we have said our
goodbyes to the Ents we go back to Helm's Deep."

Confirmation came from three sources. They said goodbye to the Ents and within the hour
they were on their way.

End Chapter 9.

The End?

You have reached the end of "The Slayer and the Dwarf" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 18 Jan 04.

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