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Tales from the Barman...

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Tales from the barman...". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Ok, simple premise for anyone to join... Xander has opened his own bar, club by the name of 'Nights', anyway he's the barman there and 'collects' stories off his customers, multiple crossings allowed. dig in people.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered(Past Donor)Methos + 119 othersFR18269293,17611812102,262,4018 Feb 0728 Jun 07Yes

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR13

The Truth is in Here by Dragonhulk

The Truth is in Here

Author: Dragonhulk

Crosses: Stargate SG-1, The X-Files, Farscape, MIB, The Drew Carey Show, and Star Wars.

Disclaimer: I in no way own any of these and I make no money from writing this, so don’t sue.

Xander smiled as he puttered around the bar, making sure everything was in good condition before he opened for the night. He enjoyed this time, a time when he could collect himself before dealing with the chaos that his business had become.

Don’t get the wrong impression, Xander loved his job and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but considering that he saw more supernatural and odd beings on an average night in his bar than some Slayers did during a night of patrol some quiet time was needed.

Xanders piece was interrupted when a flash of white light deposited two figures into his bar. One was familiar to Xander, the other not so much.

“Hey Jack, who’s your friend?” asked Xander with a nod towards the grayish alien that had appeared with the Air Force officer.

“Xander meet Thor, he was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d bring him by for a drink,” said Jack in a tone that suggested that it was perfectly natural for him to bring an alien by for a drink. In any other bar that would have caused a complete meltdown of the bartender, but Xander gave a very different reaction.

“You didn’t leave the spaceship out front did you? If you did I’ll have to ask you to move it ‘cause that stuff really freaks out my regulars.”

Jack simply snorted and said “I’ve seen your regulars kid, a spaceship should be par for the course for them. Don’t worry though, Thor left it in orbit.”

“Cool,” said Xander as he turned to the alien. “Hey sorry for ignoring you like that, I’m not open yet but I can get you something if you want.”

“I would not know what to have; my people do not create alcoholic beverages. However I am curious about your wall.”

“People come in and sometimes they tell me stories, and sometimes they leave something behind to let other people know they were here. I can tell you about a few of the items, but some people didn’t want me to repeat their story and I’ll respect that.”

“Fascinating,” said Thor.

“Hey, you got any more of the local stuff you gave me last time?” asked Jack.

“Buzz Beer, you want to see Thor on a caffeine high and drunk at the same time?”

“Never crossed my mind,” Jack stated with a grin that said that the opposite was true, as he took the beer and handed it to the alien.

Just then a tall lanky man stumbled out of the broom closet, looking completely confused. The man took one look at Thor and stopped in his tracks, as if his entire world view had instantly been changed.

“It’s going to be one of those nights isn’t it?” muttered Xander as he cast his eye upward. “Hey, can I get you anything Mr…”

“Agent Mulder, and I think I’m having a hallucination” said the dark haired man as he stumbled towards the bar, his eyes never leaving Thor who was enjoying his beer.

“You’re not hallucinating, you just stumbled through an interdimensional portal and ended up here. Don’t worry though the portal’s stable so you just have to walk back through and you’ll find yourself back where you were, even if people from another dimension pop up before you leave,” said Xander with a shrug. He really did need to find a way to barricade that door when the bar was closed.

“Interdimensional portal, right,” said Mulder in that tone that said that the situation hadn’t fully penetrated his mind yet. Xander couldn’t blame that guy, stumbling out of a broom closet to find a gray alien drinking a beer would be hard on some of the people he knew, it would be really hard if you were just a normal guy that wasn’t used to strange things.

It was a very good thing that Hera had stabilized the portal or poor Agent Mulder would have been stranded in this dimension, because two more people suddenly came out of the broom closet and Xander seriously doubted they were from Mulders neck of the woods.

“You have got to be kidding me!” shouted the man as he surveyed the room. “You guys aren’t even trying!”

“What the frell just happened,” growled the thing that had come with the man.

“No idea, but I can tell you what did not just happen. We did not just step onto Earth, because Earth doesn’t have aliens drinking beer without anyone freaking out!” Xander was beginning to wonder about the mans mental stability, yeah the scene was bizarre but he shouldn’t be getting this excited over it.

“It may not happen on your Earth, but it happens here. You just stepped through an interdimensional portal, if you want to go back just walk in the direction you came. If you want some drinks though I’d be willing to trade for a story,” said Xander. The guy may be borderline nuts, but those people often had some good stories.

“So we’re on Earth, but in an alternate reality?” asked the man as he seemed to calm down.

“Yeah, if it help that guy’s from an alternate reality too,” said Xander as he jerked his thumb at Mulder, who was beginning to looked a little panicked.

“And we can come and go any time we want?”

“You can go any time you want, but unless you have a god helping you out chances are you won’t be able to come back,” said Xander.

“Figures,” said the man as he slumped into a stool. “I got one hell of a story, but I need to be really drunk to tell it.”

“Can do,” said Xander as he handed one beer to the man and another to the large demon/alien/whatever.

“Lets start off at the beginning, my name’s John Crichton, I’m an astronaut.”

The moment that John had gotten to the point where he had his alien friend D’Argo were making their escape from prison the door to the broom closet opened for the third time that night revealing the strangest visitor yet.

“Niiice place,” said the little pug dog with a voice that should only belong to a long term smoker. The fact that there was a talking dog in his bar wasn’t what put the little guy in the top ten things that had walked out of the closet; no it was the fact that the talking dog was wearing a small black suit and sunglasses.

“Hey, can I get one of those with a straw?” asked the Pug as he hopped onto one of the stools.

“Sure, but I’ll have to hear your story. Um, I’m trying really hard to think of a better name for you than Mr. Dog.”

“Name’s Frank, special advisor to the MIB, but you either don’t have those guys here or you know them considering you got an Asir, and a Luxan sitting around without any attempts at a cover.”

“What can I say, this place gets all kinds, even when it isn’t open yet,” said Xander before he noticed yet another new occupant, one that made him do a double take. Apparently some god decided his bar needed more aliens, but seriously this was just too much.

“My quarters these are not,” said Yoda as he surveyed the room, and Mulder instantly passed out.
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