Title: Swallow Your Fear
Series: Taking Faith
Disclaimer: All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, et al. All things SPN belong to Eric Kripke, et al. Title from “Kiss and Control” by AFI.
Summary: Faith gets riled up after a hunt nearly goes very wrong.
Sam had about two seconds to register Faith’s angry “You stupid sonofabitch!” before he was turned and slammed against a tree. The rough bark dug into his back through the tears in his t-shirt, jabbing into skin that was scratched in some places, bruising in others. His breath left him in a hot, pained rush, a whimper of sound past his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Dean stop and just watch, not coming any closer. It was as if his brother was saying that he was on his own for this.
Sam guessed he couldn’t blame him. Even if he’d wanted to, Dean couldn’t possibly have pulled Faith off.
“Faith –,” Sam began, words dying in his mouth when she shook him just once, hard enough to jostle his sore back against the tree. The pain was biting along the claw marks that decorated his back, dull on the spots where the winged shifter had sat jumped up and down on him with unholy glee. He was sore and tired…
… and apparently he was also enjoying the hell out of the way Faith was manhandling him. Even with the pain, his dick was already stirring to life in his jeans. This newest kink of his was definitely something else. The way that Faith could make his body jump and twitch just by holding him in place and roughing him up.
“Why the fuck did you jump out there like that?” Faith growled. Her hands were white-knuckled fists in the front of his shirt, her voice low and deadly. A normal guy wouldn’t be turned on when getting reamed by a girl that could kill him with no effort at all. Sam had to take the hard-on he was sporting as further proof that he was so far left of normal that he’d never find his way back again.
When his answer came, it was in a tone that he knew didn’t hide for a second the fact that he liked how she was holding him, even the fucking pain that she was dishing out. “It was coming right at you.”
Faith snorted and shook her head, the corner of her mouth twitching like she wanted to say something to him. Her lower body pressed against his, grinding against his erection for just a second before she pulled back again. A tease and a hint of a smirk. She remembered from their fun over the holidays how much he enjoyed rough foreplay. Being held down, pinned by her strength. But she was still pissed when she said, “I’m a slayer, Sammy. A slayer
. A – it wasn’t going to even touch me. I’m damn quick and you fucking know it. B – even if it had
gotten to me, I could have just thrown it off.”
The words slid past her lips, deadly quiet and perfectly reasonable and, okay, so maybe it hadn’t been the best plan in the history of planning. All he’d been able to think about when he’d seen that thing
going for Faith was that he couldn’t let it reach her. That he couldn’t let it hurt her.
“Sorry?” he asked more than said.
“Are you?” Faith asked right back. “Because that sure as hell sounded like a question to me. Tell me that the next time that happens you’re not going to be throwing yourself in between me and whatever is gunnin’ for me. Tell me that you’ll fucking think
next time and not nearly get yourself killed
Her voice broke, the words catching in her throat, and only then did Sam notice that her eyes were brighter than usual, sparkling with unshed tears. Rage. Frustration. Fear.
“I can’t,” he whispered. “I wish I could, Faith. God, I wish I could put your mind at ease and say I’m not going to get in danger’s way anymore – but you know that’s not how this goes. We all do. If I see something coming at you, I can’t guarantee that I’m not going to try to stop it however I can.”
Faith’s grip went slack on his shirt, and she pushed off his chest with a frustrated growl, putting distance between them.
“Why?” she asked him. “Why can’t you just –“ She broke off and threw up her hands, resting them on her hips.
Sam frowned. “You know why.”
“Because it’s what you do?” she threw the words back at him. “Because you’re a hunter
and you protect the weak and innocent? Hate to break it to you, little brother, but I haven’t been weak or innocent for a very, very long time.”
It wasn’t like that, and he didn’t know why she couldn’t see it. What he’d done had nothing to do with whether or not he thought she could take care of herself. Sam knew that she could. He’d seen her in action, and it was beautiful
. The need, that urge, that he had to keep her safe? It wasn’t about whether or not she could defend herself. He fought the urge to shut his eyes when he finally found the words to explain.
“Because I love you
,” he muttered. It was the first time he’d said it out loud, having trusted that she knew from their confrontation over the holidays how deep his feelings went. Even then he hadn’t said it. Hadn’t wanted to verbalize things that maybe were too soon to be just admitted to like that.
Everything went still. The wind didn’t move, little woodland animals didn’t scamper through the night. Fuck if anyone breathed. Not him. Not Dean. Certainly not Faith, because Sam could see where her chest had froze on the intake, breath held and caught. With wide eyes she just stared at him, and Sam’s heart constricted as he waited for some kind of reaction.
Faith broke first. A loud sigh, a soft, disbelieving laugh. She looked away and shook her head, and even in the darkness he could see that her cheeks were flushed.
“Yeah, Sammy. Yeah,” she whispered. “So why can’t you see why I don’t want you jumping in front of things for me?”
It wasn’t the words that Sam wanted but given what he knew about Faith, maybe it was all that he would ever get. It was an admission, a plea for him to understand.
And he did.
Dean coughed softly, and Faith laughed again.
“Whatever, D. I don’t want you jumping in front of things either.”
“Back at ya, darlin’,” Dean drawled, finally moving. He came up next to the two of them, completing the weird little triangle of their relationship. He hadn’t said it either, Sam realized. Those words were hard to get out, damn if Sam didn’t know it. They were fucking terrifying in ways that angry spirits and pissed off werewolves could never be. Faith and Dean were a lot alike in their emotional hang-ups.
Faith sighed. She rolled her eyes. “I guess we’re all watching each others’ backs still, then? And you two will just keep being all stupid and noble and shit?”
“Sounds about right,” Dean said, a smirk in his tone.
“Yeah,” Sam offered. Pushing off the tree, he winced as the scratches on his back peeled away from the bark. He stood right in front of Faith and looked down at her, lips twisting into a half-smile. “But feel free to push me around whenever you think I fuck up.”
Faith laughed. “Kinky freak.”
Sam grinned, lightning-quick. He pressed up against Faith, circling his arm around her waist. His erection had faded, but he was still feeling the aftereffects of her rough treatment, and was horny as hell.
Faith kissed his lower lip, a teasing brush of lips.
And then she pulled away?
Sam bit back a groan at the loss of contact, but couldn’t hold one in when she said, “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook that easy, Sammy boy.” Her grin was wicked in the darkness. “You can wait ‘til we get back to the motel.”
Watching her walk away, a slow sway of her hips, was pure torture
. Sam shut his eyes and prayed for self-control, Dean’s hand coming down on his shoulder snapping him out of it just as quickly. He glanced at his brother.
Dean sighed and shook his head, a smile on his lips even when he tried to sound irritated. “Damn it, Sam. You just had to go and say it first, didn’t you?”