Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and JKR. Remember these names. These are the names of masters. Of visionaries. Of the people who own these characters.
Note: This was originally just dialogue, but I thought the ending needed some stage directions. I added some more in other places, but mostly it's just talk. If you get confused about who is talking, here's a guide: Hermione always sounds smart and mentions books, Ron mostly swears and acts disgruntled, Harry's always polite, and Luna keeps saying things that freaks everyone else out (Like not liking chocolate jelly beans...). Gottit? Good.
“Luna, over here!”
“Hello, Harry. It's wonderful to see you. Did you have a nice term?”
“No worse than usual. Passed potions by the skin of our teeth, avoided getting blown up by Seamus, defeated Voldemort in another one of his attempts at world domination...”
“Oh, that sounds lovely. Is that Ron and Hermione over there?”
“Yeah, I reckon it is. Do you want to sit with us?”
“Are you sure you want to sit with Loony Lovegood?”
“Why yes, I believe I do. Besides, how else am I to hear about your term in America?”
“Well, I suppose it will be in the Quibbler soon so--”
“Oye! Luna! Good to see you!”
“Hello, Ronald. Hello, Hermione.”
“Luna, it's so good to see you! We weren't expecting you back until next week! I thought you were going to finish the muggle school year in California!”
“Well, I was planning on it, but school was canceled for the last week after the seniors' graduation so--”
“Canceled? What did you lucky buggers do to get the last week of term canceled?”
“Well, the seniors blew up the school, so there really wasn't any way the underclassmen could continue.”
“Er...Luna? Did you say--”
“THEY BLEW UP THE BLOODY SCHOOL?! That's BRILLIANT!”
“Hermione! They BLEW UP the school! That more than qualifies for a bit of swearing!”
“Well, I'm sure they wouldn't have blown it up if they hadn't really needed to. Really, if it hadn't been for Mayor Wilkins--”
“The MAYOR gave them permission to blow up the school?!”
“Honestly, Hermione, you're as bad as Ron. Don't interrupt. Go on, Luna. I REALLY want to hear this.”
“Thank you, Harry. And that's silly, Hermione. Of course the Mayor didn't give permission to blow up the school. He was much too busy eating students and chasing after Buffy Summers.”
The three Gryffindors stared.
“Luna? You DID just say 'eating students,' didn't you? I didn't happen to just go temporarily mad?” Harry really didn't want that stuff that the Daily Prophet had written about him in his 5th year to be true, but maybe...
“Buffy Summers...why does that name sound familiar?” Hermione stared thoughtfully at the ceiling.
“You heard right, Harry. He was trying to eat ALL the students, but Buffy was quite prepared when he turned into an Olvikan, so he only got a few.”
“Turned into a what?”
“An Olvikan. It's a large snake demon, with a sort of bulgy head and a very powerful tail. He looked rather like a basilisk, actually...”
“Luna, you're not telling us that you were THERE when they blew up the school.”
“Well, of course I was. Daddy sends me all the way to the Boca Del Infierno to study the center of mystical convergence there and I'm not suppose to attend an ascension? I mean, I know I didn't tell him that it was an ascension, because he would have just made me--”
“That's it!” Hermione shouted, causing Ron to jump.
“Blimey, Hermione, don't yell in my ear like that!”
“The Slayer! You met Buffy Summers THE SLAYER!?”
“Well, yes. We had remedial history together.”
“The vampire Slayer...goes to Sunnydale High School? I thought Slayers were supposed to lead separate lives, without things like that.”
“Woah, wait a second, Mione. VAMPIRE slayer?”
“Yeah. Isn't the point of vampires mostly to, you know, avoid them? Or distract them with blood-flavored lollipops?”
“Oh, honestly, don't you two ever read anything outside of Quidditch scores? The Chosen One! Slayer comma The? One girl in all the world--”
“Two, actually, because--”
“Right, two girls in all the...hold on, it's just one. One Slayer, she dies, the next is called.”
“Well, it was until Buffy died. The way she told me, it was rather unnerving to meet someone who only should exist after she was dead.”
“She DIED?! How did a ghost manage to blow up a school? I've never read of something like that ever happening...”
“And how did she take remedial History? Are you telling me there's no escaping it even AFTER you die?”
“Well, it would make sense if you think about Professor Binns, Harry, but no. She's not a ghost. She drowned and her friend used muggle GPR on her, whatever that is.”
“CPR, Luna. It's where you breathe for the victim and make their hearts work again. It's actually quite useful for those without magic because it--”
“Yes, well, enthralling really, but can we get back to the part where the Slayer of vampires, who goes to a muggle high school in California where she takes remedial history, died and was revived to later fight the Mayor-turned-snake demon, at which time the school blew up? Because I am, surprisingly, rather interested in that part.”
“Harry, you have such an odd way of saying things.”
“Thanks Luna. That means a lot coming from you.”
“Yes, well, I'm not sure there's much more to say after that. Buffy led Mayor Wilkins into the library, and her and Mr. Giles blew it up and killed him. It was rather exciting at the time, but afterwards it was just rather smoky. Though it was a good finale to the piece I'm writing for Daddy. Much better than ending it with the Hell Hounds attacking the Prom.”
“...Hell Hounds?” asked Ron weakly.
“Yes. Quite wild, but I was going to stun one and bring it back for Hagrid, only I didn't want to leave Jonathan and I was having so much fun that I quite forgot.”
“Well, thank goodness for small blessings. If Hagrid ever got hold of one of those--”
“Hold on. Jonathan? Who is Jonathan? Was he your date, Luna?”
“Of course he was, Harry. He asked, and I said yes. I got a nice long dress, put on a bit of a glamor and--”
“Do you like him? Er...I mean, well...”
“Of course I liked him, Harry.”
“Hey, Harry, why are you blushing—Oww! Hermione! Why'd you do that?!”
“Oh, honestly Ron! Because we've got to go and do that thing! Remember the thing?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“Oh yes you do. The thing that we should go and do RIGHT NOW if you don't want to be hexed into next week?”
“Right. That thing...bye Harry!”
“Oh God...” Harry's head sank into his hands.
“Goodbye Ronald. Bye, Hermione. I'll see you at dinner!” Luna waved cheerily at the swiftly retreating backs, then turned back to Harry.
“So...Luna. About what I said. It's good that you like him—I mean, it's great that, um...you know...you're... happy.”
“I am happy, Harry. I was so lucky to get the opportunity to go to Sunnydale, winged monkeys at the school play non withstanding...”
“...but I'm just so glad to be back here with you and everyone else. I'm sure I'll miss all my friends from Sunnydale--”
“Well, yes, he's included in the friends category, of course.”
“Friends? B-b-but you said--”
“I said I liked him. I like lots of things. I like divination, for instance. And Bertie Bots Every Flavored Beans.”
“Except the chocolate ones.”
“Right. Except the chocolate ones. Did you think I meant that I like-liked Jonathan? That is rather unlikely. Like Buffy said to me once, 'He's like three feet tall!' I like-like guys who are a tad taller than me...”
Harry raised his head to look into her laughing blue eyes.
“...and who slouch a bit so you can't really tell...”
He straightened up slightly in his seat.
“...and whose hair, when it sticks up all over the place, adds another inch or so...”
His hand reached automatically to his head, where it froze, transfixed. Harry's eyes grew wide and hopeful as Luna smiled dreamily at him and took his hand, pulling it down.
“...and I definitely like-like guys who aren't afraid to make the first move. After all--”
Luna, having been cut off once again, found that certain interruptions were not at all annoying.