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you did WHAT On your star?

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Summary: Xander was out having a nice quiet drink with his best bud.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > VoyagerTjinFR1365,745813954,83021 Feb 071 Mar 12No

Borg-ing Eer... Boring...

“Now Mister Harris, Federation command has heard some disturbing rumors concerning your interaction with the Borg Collective, would you care to expand on that issue?” the Admiral asked seriously as he stared down at the young man before him. While he, personally had no problem with the young man’s decision, certain portions of the Federation Council was trying to bury the temporally misplaced young man and he was shackled from assisting him too much.

On the other side of the court chambers, Xander let out a sigh. He knew when he did it that it would come back to bite him in the ass, so taking a deep breath Xander thought back to that time in the Delta Quadrant.

--

“AAK! HELP RAPE!”

“I assure you Mister Harris I have no such intentions. Even if I was capable, my programming prevents such actions on my part. I am merely trying to ascertain the extent of your injury and the best way to repair the damage.” The Emergency medical Hologram said curtly as he chased his victim… err patient around the Sickbay with a tricorder and hypo. In all his years and with all the recorded information he had on file he had never met a patient as unwilling to be helped as Alexander Harris.

He had been so excited about the prospect of a new eye, asking many questions both inane and thought provoking, right up until the doctor described the process.

“Really Mister Harris, All I am going to do is pluck out your other eye to make sure we replicate your new one to the correct specifications, then we tunnel out the scar tissue with a breaching laser and thermo-scalpel, splice in the new nerve endings, rewrite the cerebral coding to accept it, place an ablative layer in the under layer of both eyes, superheat the outer to prevent swelling expansion and then pop both eyes back in good as new, probably even better.”

Blinking in shock as the young man ran screaming from the Sick-Bay, the Emergency medical Hologram cast his eyes towards the ceiling in exasperation before making a mental note to speak with the Captain and then shutting off his program. Really, why the young man would panic at such a simple procedure was beyond him.

--

“B'Elanna!”

Turning at the shout, B'Elanna Torres blinked as the young man ran down the corridor after her before falling into step, in the short time he had been onboard Voyager, Xander had shaken up the crew several times. The Prank War he had started with Tom Parris had reached the point of crises when Xander had somehow commandeered the communications dish and started offering a Universal Gigolo service in Parris’ name had almost started an actual (small) war requiring the Captain to start an ever growing list of banned, prohibited and outlawed items and actions.

That the trouble maker was seeking her out personally was something to be worried about. “What do you want Harris?” she asked curtly as she mentally started struggling to resist knocking the annoying one eyed man through the wall.

She blinked as he spun around behind her using her as a shield against some unknown threat, a panicked look in his eye as he scanned the hallway franticly.

Also checking the hallway carefully, B’Elanna frowned before turning to glare at the human that was currently using her as a shield against some unknown evil. “What have you done now?” she demanded as Xander got a look of pure innocence at the insinuation.

“Me!” He squawked before clearing his throat and returning the glare “I mean, me? I’m the victim here! Your crazy Doctor Light went bonkers and chased me all over the med bay wanting to rip out my eyeball and then cook it.” Xander defended before double checking that the mad doctor wasn’t still after him over the half Klingon’s shoulder.

Resisting the urge to hit him, B’Elanna sighed in frustration. “You do know that the Doctor is a Hologram, he can’t chase you once you are out of the Sick-Bay.”

Snorting at that, Xander took a step back and shook his head “That’s what they all say. ‘They can’t hurt you if you are on Holy Ground, they can’t cross running water, you can’t get married to a centuries old demon goddess ghost trapped in corporeal form’ and guess what, all of them were wrong,” Xander defended before checking down the hallway again nervously. “I’m telling you B’Elanna, give it a week and that poor excuse for an electronic ghost will be chasing me all over the ship with a Hypo and a soldering spork.”

Staring at the odd human, B’Elanna considered everything that was wrong with that sentence before falling back on what was becoming a traditional response when dealing with him. “Were you dropped on your head as a child?” she demanded to know before shaking off the question. “What did you want anyway?”

Blinking at the sudden shift in topic, Xander idly wondered why everyone kept asking him that first question before his mind settled on the second “Want?”

“You came running down the hall screaming. I assume you wanted something,” The engineer explained to the stunned look of the ship’s resident trouble maker.

Blinking at the question, Xander ran that thought process through his mind a couple of times before shrugging. “No, not really… I usually hide behind a female when being chased, ingrained habit, sorry.” Xander apologized before following the angry female down the hallway again. “So, not to be rude or anything but what are you doing?” Xander asked before smiling “When not saving the knight from the dragon and all.”

Shaking her head at his antics, B’Elanna actually had to think for a moment before the issue at hand came rushing back to her. The man child had actually managed to distract her from the current crises in a way not even the Captain’s direct orders could manage. “Voyager is approaching the section of space currently controlled by the Borg, the captain asked me to find some kind of defense in case they attack.”

“Aah, that explains th- Whatsa borg?”

Turning towards him again, B’Elanna had to remember that despite his odd character, Xander Harris was not from this time and as such he knew nothing of the Borg Collective. “Basically, they are a cyborg hive mind species made up of every race they come across. They float through space attacking ships and planets and assimilating them, adding the population and technology to their own.”

Nodding at that, Xanders mind started to look at the issue from all directions. “Robo-Space-Vampires, gotcha,” Xander muttered and shrugged at his favorite half Klingon’s look “They grab you, turn you into themselves and then use you to further their own goals,” Xander explained his view as the two kept walking down the hallway towards engineering. “Anyways, I’m guessing they are pretty much immune to all kinds of viruses and whatnot-”

Growling at the misplaced human’s attempt to help, B’Elanna tapped the pad in her hand several times before shoving it in front of him in disgust. “I have tried every algorithm in every database I can come up with. The Borg programming adapts to each and every one before the corruption can pass more than three times, nowhere near enough to deal with the millions of drones on a single cube.” B’Elanna growled as her mind continued turning the problem over and over in her head as Xander stared at the screen and poked at it for several minutes.

“Yeah, actually I was talking about a real virus,” Xander muttered to himself as he continued to poke and prod at the odd computer like device in his hand “I mean, it worked well enough in ‘War of the Worlds’, so I figure-”

“You think we haven’t thought about that? The Borg Nanite Technology has completely taken control of the host body, immune system included,” B’Elanna raged as she went over an issue she had spent three sleepless days on earlier in the week before abandoning it. “Any foreign body entering the host is immediately recorded and destroyed, no ifs ,ands or buts about it.”

“Any foreign?”

“What?” The odd question cut through the engineer’s anger as she stared at Xander oddly. “Yes of course, the nanites can’t destroy the host cells or the nanites would eat their host body.”

“So something like cancer would just be ignored?“ Xander pressed and smiled as the engineer took the pad back from him and started typing.

“Well, yes but… we can’t weaponize cancer, the genome sequence is far too…” B’Elanna drifted off as Xander peeked over her shoulder.

“Well, for most species yes, but the nanites have already trained the body to accept signals, so a deviant signal with orders to replicate, which it sounds like is already a standing order, should do the-“ Xander’s comments were cut off as the shorter woman spun around and kissed him before rushing down the hallway.

Blinking at what just happened, Xander took a moment to reboot his brain before shaking his head. Whistling as he walked down the corridor, he decided that his luck with the opposite gender was still holding strong.

--

Leaning forward in the plush chair, Xander smiled pleasantly at the twelve uniformed individuals facing him in the court room. Outside a growing crowd was protesting as more and more members of the Federation took offense to the hearing, one of the reasons the small group had been so adamant about the trial being held secretly and without media attention.

Of course trying to be sneaky with someone that Q finds amusing was not a wise idea. While he had promised Picard that he would leave humanity alone, Q had made no such oath concerning the Klingons, Antaarins, Ferengi, Vulcans or any dozen of the hundreds of species currently flocking to San Francisco in protest of the Federation’s underhanded tactics against the poor, innocent Alexander Harris.

There was going to be hell to pay.

The End?

You have reached the end of "you did WHAT On your star?" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 1 Mar 12.

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