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you did WHAT On your star?

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Summary: Xander was out having a nice quiet drink with his best bud.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > VoyagerTjinFR1365,745813954,94221 Feb 071 Mar 12No

The chirping bug said it best.


you did what on your star?


Xander paced back and forth in the small grey room as he tried to keep from going nuts from being cooped up in the box he had been trapped in.

It wasn’t his fault he was here, it had all started out with Willow and Alcohol, a demon lord had shown up just as the uber witch had finished doing Jagermeister shots against a rather stubborn Irish half-demon.

Xander had been so wasted he didn’t even remember how the fight had started, all he knew was that insult had been thrown, then bottles and foodstuff and finally spells.

The spells were where Xander got into trouble.

It wasn’t even as if he could blame it on one of the demon lord’s spells that had landed him in this box.

It had been a simple mistake really, Willow had been trying to send the demon away when she had stumbled and pointed at Xander by accident.

In a flash of light, Alexander LaVelle Harris had been gone.

Hundreds of years into the future and halfway across the galaxy and onto the bridge of the Federation Starship ‘Voyager’ which was seventy odd years from their own home.

Of course he couldn’t really blame the crew for throwing him in the brig, you don’t just show up naked on the bridge in a flash of light. It was… rude.

With a growl at once again being the universe’s whipping boy, Xander punched the glowing blue field that separated him from every geek’s dream world and slumped back into the bed as all he got for his troubles was a rather nasty shock and an angry glare from the crewman that had drawn the proverbial short straw and was tasked to watch him.



Xander was more then mildly surprised the snarling man he had been torturing for the last hour with the previous ninety five renditions of the song (Along with all five hundred repetitions of Bottles of Beer in the many hours before and the three hundred renditions of Old McDonald before that..) had managed to keep his hand from the phaser his hand twitched near.

Of course if he wouldn’t break Xander obviously wasn’t doing his job right, so he simply belted out another verse, horribly off key as the man winced again.

As far as Xander could tell he was counting the microseconds until his relief came.

Two more hours to go.

With a smirk Xander took a deep breath as he finished the last verse and let the silence linger for a moment.

With a sigh the guard slumped gratefully in his chair as he enjoyed the lack of noise in the hopes the intruder had finally gotten tired of his singing.


Ensign Eric Miller flinched, struggled to contain the near psychotic urge to throttle the man inside the cell until he was silent and looked at the pad that declared the time until his relief arrived.

Seventy two thousand and counting.


He was close, Xander’s throat was raw and he knew it would probably hurt to talk for the next couple of days, but the end results were worth it, every verse started a tremor of twitches in the man as he tried to restrain himself.

Xander was more then impressed at the man’s willpower, he had reduced hard case teachers to gibbering wrecks in less then an hour before. (One of the primary reasons the teachers threatened to skin Snyder if he actually gave any detention to him.)

But even though he threw his best efforts into it, the uniformed man had resisted and Xander’s time was running out.

He guessed he had at best ten to fifteen minutes before the man’s shift was over and despite the man’s twitching his eyes remained glued to the then computer device with such intensity that Xander wondered if his eyes would remain when he finally fled from the enclosed space.

With a slight swish, the door slid back to reveal the tall dark security chief as the man looked up at the Vulcan with the desperation of a man on the brink of his sanity.

“You may leave now Ensign, I will finish your shift and take over watching the prisoner for the next shift as well.” The dark alien said dispassionately as the young man nearly kissed the dark skinned man before fleeing the room.

Xander watched him go before turning a grin at Tuvok and he swallowed past his ragged throat. “I pity anyone named Henry onboard whenever he’s around.” Xander rasped as he tried to ignore the headache that had formed from so many hours of shouting.

“You seemed to take great pleasure in… annoying Ensign Miller, Mister Harris, I do not believe you will find me quite so susceptible to your… singing.” The Vulcan said as he sat in the hastily vacated chair and stared at the captive that was creating such a stir onboard the ship.

Xander smirked as he took a swallow from the water in his cell and watched the dark man for several seconds. “I do love a challenge.” Xander said simply as he reset the clock in his head for eight hours and change and looked the ‘so called’ emotionless alien in the eye.

“Gnock.” Xander clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and watched the alien as he stared back at Xander.

The only reaction was a single raised eyebrow.

Xander waited a short time before repeating the noise.


Seven hours later, Xander finally started to notice a slight tensing in the alien’s neck whenever the set amount of time Xander had chosen between the noises drew to a close and an almost miniscule flinch when he made the sound.

It was in truth so slight, Xander wondered if he had been imagining it, but continued with the variant of the Chinese water torture.

He had a captive audience and he wanted to see how far he could go in breaking someone that claimed to have no emotions.


Xander was mildly disappointed with himself as the tensing and near unnoticeable flinch was all the reaction he got before Tuvok’s relief arrived.

He couldn’t exactly say he affected the alien, but he was quite sure he saw the dark skinned chief of security stumble slightly as Xander made the sound one last time before the door closed.

Snickering to himself in his sleep clouded mind Xander looked at his newest subject with tired eyes as he tried to figure out how he could get under the half Klingon’s nerves.

He opened his mouth to try when the force field disappeared in a flicker and the glaring form of B'Elanna Torres strode into the cell and caught Xander cleanly on the chin with a heavy punch.

As the world faded from both the blow, the alcohol he had consumed so long ago and the lack of sleep, Xander saw the shield raise itself and the content half-Klingon sit back down and pick up the PAD to work.


Xander watched the Hologram play out as he smirked at the recreation Harry Kim had managed to program for his third wedding anniversary.

It was sweet of him to bring back the memories of how the two of them met.

Written for Twisting the Hellmouths Fic-For-All Challenge, I hope you all Enjoy and please review.

i don't own BtVS or Startrek: Voyager

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