Rules by the bucket load
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and JKR. Remember these names. These are the names of masters. Of visionaries. Of the people who own these characters.
Note: Okay, I really didn't think I was going to write more about this, but I've suddenly become obsessed with the "Student"-verse, so I might be writing more in this vein of, you know, scary-but-not-evil Willow. It's just fun!August 12- Rule #1 “Never Apologize. Apologies are for annoying little Hufflepuffs who care. You do not care.”
As Spike would have said, “Bugger.”
I can't believe I'm in this beautiful Scottish castle, full of walking suits of armor and paintings that gossip, especially that Violet witch who acts so much like Harmony did, and so entirely full of magic that white-haired Willow is just bursting to come out and it's all so wonderful...
...and I have to deal with him.
I nearly fell over when I first met him. Really. I swear, if Giles hadn't told me he was NOT a vampire, I might have levitated a pencil into his stupid meanie chest! I still might, if he makes one more comment about Weasley hair, whatever a Weasley is. He's just so...mean! Big stupid meanie man.
Okay, sure, him being a meanie is why I'm HERE, but would it kill him to at least smile sometimes? Or wash his hair?August 28- Rule #4 “Remember the sneer. It is your best friend, only more so because friends can so rarely be used to frighten small children.”
You know, if someone had told me when I first got here that the big meanie was going to get WORSE, I wouldn't have believed them. First off, because I met that scary bug lady who lives in the tower with all those weird scarves and she has TOTALLY put me off the entire seeing the future thing. I mean, at least with Cordelia the only problem was that she was CORDELIA. This lady is just insane! And I know insane, people. I mean, HELLO, tried to end the world here! I'm a certified expert in the loony department. Not that I'm a certified loony, I think, but it's just that--
...hmm...interesting. I never knew I babbled on paper too. Gotta keep that in mind when taking notes from Mister Meanie. Those onyx eyes are good for more than just unsettling people. I have this odd notion that he's one of those annoying people who read over shoulders.
Anyways, the other reason would obviously be because he has already filled his cranky quota for the next five years...and for the greater population of China.
But no, he's even worse now. I'm trying to learn, but how am I suppose to concentrate when he's sitting there, glowering at the wall and muttering things like “insufferable” and “hormonal teenagers”? I mean, really! He's a teacher! Shouldn't he be high on the entire “joy of teaching” thing, instead of dreading the students' mere presence?
I think my loony-senses are tingling.September 4- Rule #7 “Dress the part. No one will fear you if you insist on wearing THOSE childish muggle clothes.”
I take it all back. Okay, well, maybe I take half of it back. Possibly a third. But still. I TOTALLY get it now.
Part of my “training” apparently involves me sitting in the back of his classes, watching the master at work. (Very tempted to put that in sarcastic quotes, but he IS pretty good, the big jerk-person.) And, of course, he makes me sit in the most volatile, crazy, insanely stupid House pairing imaginable.
Seventh year Gryffindor/Slytherin.
Yup, that's right, the one with all those nice little mini-death eaters and the miraculous hope of the wizarding world. What fun.
You know, I think Dumbledore is a bit of a sadist, really. Or a lunatic. Only one of those two could pair these kids up time and time again and think it was a good idea. House unity my butt, these kids will kill each other!
...maybe I should be taking notes, since my students might very well TRY to kill each other at some point...
So, here I am sitting in the back of the class with this little cloaking spell I learned from that nice little elf teacher with the squeaky voice, and in comes the snot-nosed kids (and I say this lovingly, of course). Within two minutes of class starting, the Spike look-alike kid was throwing stuff at the tall freckly red-head kid (Who turned out to be named Weasley. So THAT'S why Severus keeps calling me that...insufferable man.) and after about half an hour, the poor shy-looking boy had turned his partner's hair blue from the weird smoke coming out of his cauldron. She looked kinda like a bushy version of Illyria, actually, except without the blue skin and scary eyes and, you know, tendency to kill things that annoy her (of course, if she HAD been Illyria, the Spike-alike kid would've been the first to go, judging by her glares while he was snickering)...
Anyways, it was a total nightmare, and I wasn't even DOING anything! The only possible reason someone didn't die from a freak cauldron accident was because everyone was terrified of Severus and were probably all thinking that if they did kill themselves, he'd bring them back and give them detentions. Turns out he's a meanie for a reason. Who knew?
Of course, he's still a meanie.September 23- Rule #9 “One does not become friends with students. One is there only to force knowledge into their thick heads. If you must favor someone, choose someone you dislike, because the other miscreants will surely hate them for it. Therein, of course, lies the fun.”
I really don't want to say this. I SHOULDN'T say this. But what am I doing, with my big dumb always-says-what-I'm-thinking mouth? I'm saying this.
Professor Severus Snape, terror of the dungeons, destroyer of egos and Gryffindors and all around creepy, snarky man...is kinda cute.
No, it's not even cute. Cute implies puppies and kittens and bunnies and other things Spike would have used for poker chips. Cute does not imply magnetic in a way only a fully grown and mysteriously dark man can achieve. Magnetic with those onyx eyes and the entirely black wardrobe that you just KNOW is hiding SOMETHING...
Argh! No, no more! No more of the Snape thoughts! No thoughts of Snape! Bad, BAD Willow! Repeat after me: I shall not lust after the king of cranky.
Not even when he smirks that little smirk that would make me go all wobbly, if I still did that.
Or when he leans over me to correct something I wrote.
Or when he--
No! Repeat the rule!
I shall not lust after...
Willow, who are you kidding? Even when he's in full-on brood mode he's like a freaking lodestone! He could go fourteen rounds with Angel and still come out strong!
Mmmm...and if they were both shirtless and all sweaty from the brood-a-thon...
Dear Goddess, I'm channeling Anya! I must have invoked her with the “bunnies” comment-- I've GOT to snap out of this! I'm almost done with my training, for Goddess' sake! I'm leaving to go back to London and start scaring the snot out of Slayer trainees. I can't DEAL with this right now!
No matter how much I'd like to.
Besides, he's still a meanie.September 27- Rule #10 “You are the most important, the most powerful, the most FEARED person in whatever classroom you enter. Never forget that, or let them forget it. Doing so will be your downfall.”
I will be sad to see the last of Hogwarts. It's just so cool and nice and magical and cool and everyone is just so nice and they all were just so--
And he kissed me.
And I mean, he KISSED me.
Like, end-of-the-world, the-ship-is-sinking-into-the-depths, I'm-about-to-be-frozen-in-carbonite kind of Kissed me.
Way too much time with Andrew, by the way. But still.
He kissed me. And then walked out of my room.
And now I'm not going to see him again.
Well, at least this time I'm the one leaving, right?