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Dialling Nine

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Summary: No good can come from allowing a woman to use a device that requires dialling - you'd think 130 years of telephones would have taught the people in charge at the SGC this valuable lesson.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Willow-Centered > Theme: Humor(Moderator)jrabbitFR716326396,9087 Mar 077 Mar 07Yes
Disclaimer: Willow belongs to Joss Whedon. The SGC and all that it contains belong to MGM Television Entertainment. This fic belongs in room 101.

This is an answer to the 9th Chevron challenge from Methos.

“So how does it work?”

“Well Miss Rosenberg, to connect the wormhole we require six symbols from around the edge of the gate to represent the relative distances in 3-D space between the two endpoints, and a seventh symbol that represents the planet from which you are dialling – in this case Earth,” Samantha Carter explained to their visitor. “As each symbol is selected, one of the chevrons is locked down onto it. Once the seventh symbol is selected, a connection is attempted to the remote location. If the Stargate at the other end is working, a wormhole is established.”

“What are the other two chevrons for?”

“The eighth chevron is used to dial an address in another galaxy. We don’t know what the ninth one is for.”

“Why not – haven’t you ever tried to dial it?”

“As soon as you enter enough symbols for a valid address, it automatically attempts a connection. We’ve never found a combination of eight symbols that doesn’t at least try and make a connection.”

“What if you just enter the Earth symbol 9 times? Surely it can’t try and form a wormhole if you give the same co-ordinates for both ends?”

General O’Neill smirked as the mouth of his good friend and former team mate did a fair impression of a goldfish. After communications had opened up between the Watcher’s Council and the Department of Homeworld Security, Jack had decided to use introducing Willow to the SGC as an excuse to pay a visit to his old team. However, he was expecting the tour itself to be the tedious part of the trip; he hadn’t bargained for any entertainment.

“I... um... err... you know I don’t think we’ve ever tried that. Walter?” Sgt. Harriman wore a similar look of bemusement.

“I don’t think we have.”

“Is it likely to cause any damage?” asked General O’Neill.

“No, I don’t think so – the safety protocols built into a D.H.D. do not prevent it.”

“Well, shall we give a whirl then?”

It was six hours later when they reassembled in the gate room. Jack and Willow had spent the intervening period looking through the artefacts in Daniel’s lab, followed by a trip to the cafeteria. Sam and Walter had spent it pouring over schematics for the D.H.D. to attempt to discern what effect dialling the same symbol for both ends of the wormhole would have, and whether it was likely to damage the equipment. They hadn’t found an answer to the first part of that question, but they felt confident the answer to the second part was 'no'. So here they all were:

“Sixth chevron locked...”

A nervous look crossed Willow’s face – she was only supposed to be introducing herself and learning about the Stargate programme. What would they do if she broke their machine?

“Seventh chevron locked...”

There was no sign of a wormhole, and the device continued with its dialling sequence.

“Eighth chevron locked...”

Breath was held all around the room as the ring continued to spin.

“N...N...Ninth chevron locked!”

Rather than the usual eruption from the centre of the gate, followed by the gentle ripple of a wormhole, the gate gradually dimmed to pitch black, except for a small white panel in the middle that appeared to contain some writing. Cautiously, Sam approached where the event horizon would normally be and peered at the panel.

“What does it say?” asked Jack.

“About Chappai’ai Version 1.05. Copyright 14 Million B.C., The Ancients. All rights reserved,” replied a stunned Colonel.

There was a full minute of befuddled silence during which everyone tried to look anywhere but at each other before Willow asked the question that wasn’t on everyone’s minds:

“How did they know when Christ was going to be born?”

The End

You have reached the end of "Dialling Nine". This story is complete.

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