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Never Face Gozer With A Song In Your Heart

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Tuneful". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Remembering lyrics is generally a good thing, except when a force of destruction is reading your mind. In these ficlets the gang, with special guests, face down new forms of Gozer and often die. Have a song? Add a Chapter please :D

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Ghostbusters
Miscellaneous > Music
(Current Donor)ShieldageFR1554,6320115,96016 Mar 0720 Aug 08No

Giles/The Beatles

BtVs by M.E. and Whedon. Ghostbusters by Columbia Pictures and the minds of Aykroyd and Ramis.

Lyrics of the song by The Beatles and Apple Records. Song title and link and the end of the Fic.

And, 'cause CPTSkip asked, I've added two possible end results :)

Somewhere in New York City:

"Doo-doo-doo doo-doo," hums Giles as he drives the rented car. "Doo-doo-doo-da-doo doo-doo-doo-doo, ohh-oh-oh-oh..."

"What's that song you're singing?" Buffy asks.

"Oh, just a rather vicious but cute tune. Anyway, I'm sorry, but we'll have to put off our New York shopping spree for a little bit longer. I'm halfway convinced that there's an Apocalypse going on."

"Huh, what gave it away? The ghost that ate our travel snacks?"

"Actually, that immense pillar of light downtown and the stormclouds around that skyscraper... So, it's your bloody 'vacation', which would you like to check out first?"

"Okay, which one are the soft and uglies running away from?"

"Pillar of light it is."


Outside the Firehouse:

"Spengler? I've heard of his work... What do you mean they've been arrested?"


City Jail:

"Okay, we've heard your line," Peter smirks from inside the cell. "But what makes you think we're going to let a librarian and a young little girl tag along with us to face the big scary god?"

Buffy glances at Giles. With his approval, she bends the bars.

Ray whistles.

Peter nods. "She'll do."


Atop the Skyscraper:

"Choose the form of your destruction..."

"Okay, everyone, blank your minds. Now that Gozer's Avatar has been destroyed we're safe. As long as we don't think of anything it can't-"

"Form chosen."


"Wasn't me. Was it you?"


As music from an unseen source fills the air, someone begins to sing in a clear voice.

"Joan was quizzical... studied pataphysical science in the home. Late nights all alone. With a test-tube- Ohh-oh-oh-oh... Maxwell Edison majoring in medicine, calls her on the phone. Can I take you out to the pictures, Joa-oa-oa-on?"

Everyone turns to stare at Giles.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" Giles asks, as he polishes his glasses. "That wasn't my voice, was it? I know I've had the song stuck in my head all day, but... Oh, dear."

But as the words are leaving his lips... a noise comes from behind-



Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head.

Clang! Clang!

Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that he was dead.

The battle was short and bloody.

'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' is a classic tune recorded by The Beatles in 1969. It's about a boy and his hammer. For an awesome music video, animated by Hot Diggety Demon, go to 'The Maxwell Edison Story' at

--End Results--

Possibility One:

While Maxwell Edison appears to be a young adult male armed only with a silver hammer he possesses the strength and agility of Gozer's previous incarnation. The Slayer has a problem, as she has just found herself facing the male equivalent of Glory.

She's barely able to keep him off-balance long enough for the Ghostbusters to come up with the idea of crossing the streams. They do so, but because they're aiming at something on the same rooftop as them, they're killed by the blast. Gozer's destroyed. Buffy is blown free, but she's so badly wounded she passes out. Louis and Dana struggle free of their stone prisons, look at the human carnage, then carry the limp Slayer down the stairs to the waiting crowd.

Possibility Two:

Maxwell Edison escapes and begins a one-man killing spree. Newspapers report that the crime rate has increased to about one murder an hour, each with a nondescript man fleeing the scene. Because the incarnation of Gozer is loose in the city the portal to his pocket reality remains open and the number of paranormal events plaguing New York continues to rise. After the first solid week of this, property values throughout the city plummet and people start fleeing in droves.

A few weeks later, Maxwell's reign of terror, the free-floating supernatural energies and the basic nature of New York result in the world's first superhero team being founded. 'The East Coast Avengers' eventually defeat Gozer once and for all, making what's left of NYC a safe place to live again.
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