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a.k.a., Destiny Can Bite My Pee-Goo

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This story is No. 14 in the series "The Adventures of John Winchester and Illyria". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: John Winchester and Illyria finally have to deal with the Demon that destroyed his family. Will they be able to save John's descendants from the Demon's wrath? (bad language/sexual situations - Takes place after the BDM.)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Fred/Illyria-Centered
Firefly > Fred/Illyria-Centered
ZanneSFR181017,59343613,88420 Mar 076 Apr 07Yes

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I do not profit from this story and no copyright infringement is intended. Kripke owns John Winchester and Whedon owns both Illyria and Firefly.

Author's Note: I have to give boatloads of credit to my betas hakirby and lyonie17. Hakirby is entirely responsible for the added porn and lyonie17 is responsible for turning my modern-day English into Fireflyese.



“The ‘verse ain’t big enough for so many Winchesters.”
(a.k.a., Destiny Can Bite My Pee-Goo)



The three dusty figures stood sheltered in the shadows of the small, dilapidated buildings curtaining the ports, ignoring the throaty calls of the dockworkers and the occasional hurried glances of the bustling passerby. Peering from beneath the brim of his battered cowboy hat, John’s eyes swept over the petite red-head sitting in front of the weather-beaten Firefly. Her pale skin was carefully shaded from the full weight of the Persephone sun with the aid of a torn parasol, while a lithe brown-haired sprite danced behind her, spinning wildly in the sunshine.

Pulling the head of the vampire back with a distracted tug, John ran the edge of his bowie knife over the creature’s throat, not even bothering to look at the thing as thin lines of sluggish blood oozed from the shallow cuts.

“Are you sure?” John demanded, yanking firmly on the creature’s greasy hair, making a few of the deeper wounds gape open and leak a little more enthusiastically.

The vampire whimpered, jerking his chin in the general direction of the Firefly and away from the blade, stating with conviction, “That one! The scent led me here! Tyen shiao duh!” He drooled pathetically through his multiple layers of teeth, his fear forcing them out and making him look like a landed lamprey.

Illyria blinked once at the women, her bold blue eyes burning from the shadows of the alley as she took in the lively scene between them and their destination, before saying with a small shrug, “If you insist.”

John shoved the vampire in Illyria’s direction, all of his focus still on the distant ship, and the creature sniveled, “You said you’d let me go if I found ‘em!”

John tucked his knife away under his coat, his eyes still trained on the women across the port. “I did just let you go,” he explained mildly, his duster falling dramatically around his bulky frame, making him appear somehow larger and more threatening even in his distraction.

The vampire sighed in relief, turning to run when Illyria’s hand clamped around his neck.

“I just caught you again.” Illyria blinked steadily at the wriggling creature who had begun to make annoying whining noises as he pleaded for his life. She cocked her head in John’s direction, frustration at the delay coloring her tone as she politely worded her demand as a request, “May I kill him now?”

John nodded absently, his hand still caressing the hilt of his knife as Illyria sliced through the creature’s neck without a moment’s delay, muttering loudly about the quality of demonic half-breeds in this century. The vampire’s head dropped into the dirt and rolled under a dumpster, where she efficiently deposited the body before gliding up to stand beside her Guide.

Illyria slid her sunglasses over her eyes, her skin darkening as the blue receded from her hair, leaving a dusty beige reflection of her former ice-white skin. “C’mon, John,” Fred demanded, holding out her slim hand to grasp his much larger one. “Let’s go meet the nice people.”

John nodded in agreement, reaching up a hand to tenderly wipe a spatter of blood off her cheek, his dimples flashing coyly before John and Fred emerged into the sunshine.



Kaylee sat humming in her lounge chair, absently twirling her parasol so that the sun struck her face in random patterns as it slipped through the holes in the thin paper, calling out occasional greetings and enticements to board. She kept her ears open for the sound of River’s feet gracefully tripping across the ramp, adding a soft metallic undertone to her humming. A shadow fell over her and she shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun overhead as she gazed up hopefully into the faces of the two prospective passengers.

“How ya doin’, ma’am?” the attractive older gentleman asked, tugging briefly on the front brim of his hat. He was old enough to be her daddy, with a little bit of gray touching his temples and peppering his nearly black stubble, but something in his soft hazel eyes made her smile, a hint of a flush coloring her cheeks. “We were wonderin’ if you were takin’ passengers on your fine ship.”

“Yes, sir,” she nodded, grinning excitedly. “Serenity is the finest ship afloat, even if I do say so myself.”

“It’ll be lucky if it makes it past atmo without losing the shield plating,” the brown-haired woman beside him commented, her face tilting up towards the age-scarred hull before drifting down to meet the piercing gaze of the small brunette suddenly standing still on the ramp. The man elbowed her sharply in the ribs and she looked at him balefully before plastering on a smile and chirping, “But it’s a mighty pretty ship, isn’t it?”

John struggled to keep from rolling his eyes as he upped the wattage on his smile, pouring on the infamous Winchester charm. “My name’s John Winchester, and this is my wife Fred. We’d like transport to wherever you might be goin’.”

Kaylee beamed at him, her bright smile dimming as her eyes swept to the woman beside him. “Name’s Kaylee and that there’s River,” she said, waving her hand at the girl behind her. “You’re just in time – Cap’n’ll be back soon. We’d be glad to have you on board!” She stood up, carefully folding her parasol as John scooped up the chair for her. She smiled in thanks, excitement putting a bounce in her step. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your quarters.”

John grabbed at Fred’s hand, keeping her tethered at his side as they followed Kaylee up the plank. River stretched out a hand as they passed, brushing her fingers over Fred’s brown tresses as they fluttered in the breeze. “Such a pretty blue,” she murmured softly. “I would never hide it.”

Fred nodded curtly when their eyes met, paying homage to the Seer as she and John disappeared into the cold gray belly of Serenity.



As Serenity lifted off, John and Illyria remained in their room, unpacking the few items they carried with them. John whistled absently as he stuffed a knife under the mattress, Illyria leaning casually against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “I have not seen you this…happy since the troll uprising on that outer moon of Athens over three hundred years ago.”

“Ahhh, yes,” John purred, stalking closer, his eyes growing heated. “The bloodshed gave you such a pretty pink glow, m’dear.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up and carting her towards the bed, Illyria’s lips twitching with amusement.

“Am I to look forward to more of this unusual behavior for the duration of our trip?” Illyria asked, arching a delicate eyebrow as he buried his face in her throat with a playful growl. “Should I try an exorcism before things progress?”

“It’s family, Illyria. We’re finally home.” He drew his head back, elation lightening his features. “Let’s enjoy it for the little while they have left.”
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