The First Date
Series: Questionable and Unquestionable (In)sanity
Title: Three dates and a moo-vee
Genre: Romance , Humor
Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange and Alexander Harris
Disclaimer: We all know I don’t own them, I know I don’t own them. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and whatever companies own the rights while BtVS belongs to JW and other various companies. None of which I have rights in or am affiliated in with in any way (legally).
Note: For those curious on the details of the first date, here are the details.
Bellatrix’s home, a small dilapidated shack in the middle of the African wilderness several miles from the local village where once Alexander Harris lived.
Bellatrix opened the door after she heard the knock “You’ll just love me, I know you will.” She cackled. Xander looked nervous but lifted his arm to present her the bouquet of flowers he had managed to convince Willow to mojo him.
She squealed as she took them and shut door. As the door close behind him, Xander felt the reality of the situation finally reveal itself. Xander sighed but knew better than to bail, he didn’t want to be hexed. Bellatrix was humming and motioning for him to follow her. He did.
Bellatrix’s small home was anything but small. From the outside, it appeared to be a cramped, poorly ventilated constructed home but the inside was wow. Xander stared in awe as he noted the several windows on the walls, the most definite lack of stuffiness, and the unnatural space. It as big as his parent’s home in Sunndydale, hell there was a flight of stairs going up! He hadn’t thought it bigger than the basement he use to stay in.
Bellatrix showed him to an old fashioned dining room. The walls were lined with a few portraits, that moved and looked rather unhappy, but were mostly plain. There was food on the old wooden table.
“Sit down, Alexander, I don’t bite.” She gave him a grin. Xander wanted to move but sat down. She sat down across from him and pulled her utensils. “It’s dragon steak. A delicacy and one of my personal favorites.” She said.
Xander shrugged and took the offered meal. He didn’t really believe her but he wasn’t stupid enough to turn town a good steak. “So, how often did you eat this?” He asked trying to make small talk. “And it’s Xander.”
She nodded, smiling rather broadly. “Of course Xander,” She smiled turned into a sneer and her eyes glinted. “You may call me Bellatrix or Bella. You may not call me Trixy as my blood traitor cousin did when we were children! NEVER TRIXY!” She snarled.
Xander merely nodded. “Bella it is.” Bellatrix was pleased that Xander didn’t seemed to be afraid of her. She hummed as she parted her steak before continuing the conversation.
“Not much dear, too much of a hassle. You don’t know what you missed. Living with mud-muggles,” Bellatrix spat the word although she was trying to be polite by saying muggles instead of mudbloods. “must have been awful. You don’t know what you missed.” This refocused Bellatrix’s attention, she knew he wasn’t fully muggle but she wondered how muggle-ish he was.
Xander who had taken a bite from his steak agreed. “This is delicious! It’s way bet- oh this really is dragon isn’t it?” He groaned. Bellatrix nodded before her knife when down on her plate.
“Of course! I wouldn’t eat that rubbish that muggles and mudbloods call food.” She said looking disgusted. Xander looked at the variety of food clearly purchased from the village. She suddenly looked dazed. “Muggles and mudbloods, ah the days! My dear late husband and I use to enjoy torturing them for hours! Oh how I miss him!” She half cried, half moaned out.
“You were married?” He interrupted her small bout of insanity. Bellatrix looked at him insulted.
“Of course! It was a beautiful union. I, Bellatrix Black, married into the prominent Lestrange family! Our two pureblood lines united for the first time in two hundred years. It’s a shame I never bore children. They would’ve carried on his name!” She looked at him critically her wand out and aiming straight at him. “Why? Didn’t you think I could’ve gotten married?” She hissed out warningly.
“No! I was just curious.” Xander assured. “I’m sure it was indeed great and stuff. I nearly got married myself.” He quickly said trying to desperately change the subject and have her point the wand away from him. He really needed to change subjects and draw attention away from himself. “I’m mean you’re still beautiful, I’d surprise me if you weren’t married!” He quickly supplied.
Bellatrix smiled. “You just may be the lucky one to marry me again, Alexander.” She sighed and a dreamy look came over her face. “I’ll even make illegal potions just for you.” Xander laughed uneasily unsure what to make of that statement.
“I got to warn you though, I left Anya at the altar, demon played with my mind.”
“Who’s Anya?” Bellatrix asked, a hint of savageness in her eyes.
“Was Anya,” Xander felt his heart break. “She was my ex-fiancée but she died in SunnyD, she was 1000 year old ex-vengeance demon.”
“Demons! Ah, demons!” Xander shrugged and let Bella reminisce.
“I um hunt demons or help hunt them at least.” He said. Suddenly a brilliant idea struck him. “Bella,” Bellatrix stopped and smiled at him, ‘Definetly going to show her a dentist…several dentists.’ He thought, “How about I take you on patrol next week? Just you and me.” ‘with Eula and Fatima behind us.’ He finished in his head.
His reaction was just like he expected, was close enough. “Ah this is perfect! If only my master was here! He would have loved to torture the demons for hours.” Here she cackled. “Yes, I’ll show them to fear the name of Bellatrix Black Lestrange!” She shouted, stood up and ran to another room; a moment later she back was carrying her wand.
Bellatrix pointed her wand at the steak and yelled, “CRUCIO!” The steak twitched somehow and Xander scooted back just the slightest. When the steak stopped twitching, - How ever it did that Xander was not going to ask- Bellatrix danced around the table and then sat back down…on Xander. “I still got it!”
“Very nice, Bella. Um, can I finish eating?” Bella cackled.