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The Long Kiss Goodnight

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Summary: A romance between two paranoid schizophrenics, or are they? Faith an amnesiac since ‘99, single mother, and Jake - human son of Satan. Hopefully Faith's memory will return before she gets killed by a mysterious one eyed man. Devour XO

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Devour(Past Donor)KiwikatipoFR15716,5162263,12525 Mar 077 Apr 07Yes

Heaven knows what a girl can do

December 2006

Jake sat at the desk of his computer store. Ironic, he mused, that he never wanted to work from six to eight like his father at the local mill, and yet going into small business for himself often made him keep similar hours.

He yawned with fatigue and set back to work. Jake fiddled with his tiny screwdriver into the intricate innards of a hard drive. Footsteps approaching made him look up.


His dead high school sweetheart, stood before him. Still twenty-one, still wearing microscopic mini-skirts.

“Enjoying small town life? How can you? This town sucks, Jake.” Dakota spun his chair around and sat astride his lap. She began feverishly kissing him.

Jake didn’t even try to resist as she pulled the zipper of his fly down, in order to copulate perfunctorily with him. She still didn’t wear underwear he noted.

He released himself inside her with a muffled grunt. Dakota got off him immediately.

“Still not needing a post coital cuddle I see. Did Satan send you to make love to me?” Jake sighed wearily. “You’re a succubus now, I take it?”

“Satan sent me to ‘fuck’ you, and yeah, I’m a succubus.” Dakota confirmed his suspicions. “But I was hoping for a catch up yack.”

“Huh, that was a big waste of time for you, Dakota, just then.” Jake smiled smugly. “I had a vasectomy last year. I figured Satan might still want my DNA to bring about an Armageddon.”

“Shit!” Dakota kicked the leg of the desk where Jake sat. “You didn’t try and put up a fight. Fiancé boring you in bed already?”

“No, I thought you were a freebie wet dream at first.” Jake began to go back to his work. “So, how’s Hell been treating you?”

“Climate’s fucked, but other than that, working out okay.” Dakota swung herself to sit on to his desk. “It’s a bitch getting to this town from the fiery pit though. You need to emerge in the Hellmouth of Portland and then take a Greyhound bus. No forking out for a hire car for us lower rank demons.”

“Mother’s evil.” Jake shook his head in sympathy.


The Cheever Lake, Store Merchants, Christmas Parade, was a much looked forward to annual event, in the small Washington town.

Faith had been roped into appearing in the parade this year. She would be sitting beside her boss, Wal, in a float. Wal had been commandeered by the Merchants Association to play the role of a gray bearded, biker, Santa Claus.

Faith got dressed in her bedroom for the event. Dark brown-haired, dark brown-eyed Caitlyn watched her mother get changed, sitting on Faith and Jake’s bed.

Seven year old Caitlyn, clutched her battered teddy bear Mr Wilkins. Faith had christened the bear. Caitlyn had been given the bear by a social worker the day she was born.

“So Caitlyn, Mommy will have all the next ten days of your Christmas vacation off, and I’ll teach you how to dive in the town heated swimming pool, huh?” Faith pulled on her fishnet pantyhose. “I’m real proud of you, kitten, that you let Jake teach you how to swim this summer.”

“Can I call Jake, Daddy, now? Do I have to wait until you get married next spring?” Caitlyn asked, she held her bear up to her ear. “Mr. Wilkins thinks it’s a good idea.”

“Crap!” Faith paused zipping up her black high heel boots. “You’re just pretending, right? Your teddy bear doesn’t really tell you to do things?”

“No, don’t be silly, Mommy.” Caitlyn giggled, lying back on the bed. Her teddy bear didn’t tell her what to do. He merely talked to her ever since they came to Cheever Lake.

“Thank God for that.” Faith pulled her dress on roughly. Man, this mini skirted, Mrs. Claus outfit was slut city. Her boobs were practically falling out of the red and white top.

“You look pretty, Mommy.” Caitlyn purred in admiration. “Mr. Wilkins thinks so too. But he hopes you’re not going to catch a cold, wearing your costume out tonight.”

“Sucks, ya always gonna be an only child.” Faith pursed her lips. Then maybe Caitlyn wouldn’t need her imaginary friend. “Come on, let’s get you into your elf costume. And let’s leave Mr. Wilkins behind, huh?”

“Uh uh,” Caitlyn shook her head firmly. “Mr. Wilkins likes parades. He thinks they’re a fine display of civic pride.”


Xander Harris came across as a hard young man. He had seen things that made him hard. Things like his ex-fiancé’s corpse, cut in half with a sword. The body of his best friend, lying broken on the ground, after a fall. His other best friend, slashing her arms with a knife to resurrect the first friend. Xander had helped save the world five times, and seen Buffy Summers die three times.

His favorite blond bombshell wouldn’t be coming back this time. He would only have one eye to see it with if she did. The socket where his eye had been ached occasionally. Painkillers took away the physical pain.

There were other medications that took away emotional agony.

Xander opened another can of beer. Hopefully he wasn’t gonna turn out like his old man.

He turned on the television set in the hotel room where he lay in bed alone. He had a decent buzz going by this stage.

“And they sure know how to celebrate Christmas in Cheever Lake, North Washington.” The patronizing television commentator announced.

Boring, who the hell wanted to see some small town Christmas parade? Xander prepared to switch channels.

“Check out the Biker Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. No reindeer for them pulling their sleigh, but horse power is provided by Heaven’s Angels on motorcycles. Reformed Satanist bikers, Heaven’s Angels perform a lot of charity work…”

Xander couldn’t hear what the commentator was saying. He was too busy staring in amazement at rogue slayer, Faith, waving to the crowd on her float.

Faith was continually hitching up the bodice of her dress as she waved.

He picked up his cell phone immediately, hitting speed dial for London. “Giles, it’s me. Faith’s alive!”

Xander listened to Giles sleepy complaints. He put up with it for ten seconds. “Yeah, sorry, time diff, not my problem. And yeah, I know that short lived German chick, got called in May ’99, so we thought Faith was dead. But unless that’s a zombie I saw with her mammary glands half hanging outta her dress, the Boston psycho is alive and kicking.”

Xander listened another ten seconds to Giles before forcefully cutting in, “You know what’s gonna happen in Cheever Lake. Deal with it much? Send in a wet works squad. Merciful Zeus, Giles, channel Ripper. We need to take Faith out. Remember what happened with Dana?”


Jake drove Faith and Caitlyn home from the parade. They drove through forested countryside, after dropping Wal back to his cabin located on the outskirts of town.

“Great dress, Mrs. Claus.” Jake winked at Faith sitting beside him in the front seat. “Keep it on all night.”

“You’d like that, huh?” Faith scoffed at the dumb notion. Fat chance! There was no way she was into dressing up and doing weird stuff in the bedroom. What was she, a deviant? No, Faith was straight as they came.

This amused Jake. He didn’t care, but Faith was almost hung up about sex in some ways. She was rather unadventurous in bed, but she completely made up for it in his opinion by having a very high sex drive.

He had told her about his previous evenings encounter with Dakota. Faith hadn’t liked it, but understood his confusing an actual manifestation of a demon with a wet dream. Jake liked that about Faith, she never made a big deal about things.

“Keep your eyes on the road, bud.” Faith smiled, she put her hand on his thigh, to show she had amorous intentions towards him tonight just the same.

“My eyes are on the road. Caitlyn sweetie, what are you doing?” Jake asked puzzled his step daughter to be, she was crouching over in the back seat, straining against her seat belt.

“Mr. Wilkins told me to duck and cover.” Caitlyn explained, burying her bear against her chest as she covered her head in her arms.

“Duck?” Jake didn’t understand, he turned his head to see what the hell she was doing.

“Jesus, Jake!” Faith screamed in alarm. “Watch out for the fucking moose!”

The moose crossed their vehicle’s path and stood stunned in the headlights.

Jake couldn’t avoid hitting the wretched animal with a bang and a cracking of his car’s windshield. He swerved off the icy road.

The moose slid over the hood of the car. His hoof smashed through the window, kicking Faith on the top of her head, as she bent down instinctively.

The world went black for her.


Faith was discharged from the hospital the next day. The doctors were amazed at her quick recovery.

Faith knew she had an incredible constitution. Apparently she died in Seattle, in an ambulance, after her discovery on the back of the truck in 1999. The paramedics had been able to bring her around, fortunately. Or there would have been no more Faith, and no little Caitlyn, the sunshine of Faith’s life.

It had been hard to try and explain to Caitlyn why she had no Daddy like other little girls did. Thank God, Jake Gray was in their lives now.

Faith wondered if she had been a virgin who got knocked up the first time she had sex. Or if she had been in a loving relationship and the condom broke. Who was Caitlyn’s father? Obviously someone tall and good looking judging from Caitlyn. Faith hoped she had loved him very much.

But that was retarded, of course Caitlyn’s dad would have been someone she loved. Faith only went to bed with men she held in the highest regard. She’d only had two boyfriends before she and Jake got together.

Who was Faith’s father? Did she have a loving family out on the East Coast who were worried sick about her? Long since given up their daughter for dead.

Maybe not.

Jake came into the kitchen that early evening, to find a devastated Faith getting off the phone from her private detective.

“Bad news?” Jake put his arm around her shoulders.

“Kate Lockley, went over my x-rays I sent her, from my stay in Seattle General Hospital in 99, with a forensics expert she knew.” Faith buried her face in his chest. “She said my hand bones show the signs of having being broken as a child. In a way that only an adult coulda freaking done to me deliberately.”

“Hey.” Jake twisted her ponytail lovingly in his hands. “That doesn’t mean that it was your family that did that to you, maybe you were kidnapped as a child. I was.”

“Yeah, maybe. But that’s kinda wicked vile too.” Faith straightened up. “Anyways, some good news. She doesn’t think I’m from Philly, or New York, the way everyone else did back in ’99. She thinks like Wal does I’m from Boston.”

“Great!” Jake had never heard Faith’s accent when she first awoke from her coma. She always sounded ambiguously East Coast to him. “Let’s look up Boston Landmarks right now online, see if anything comes back for you.”

Faith and Jake poured over tourist pictures of Boston on the internet. Caitlyn played happily on the floor in the background, with her teddy bear, Mr. Wilkins and her favorite dolly, Mrs. Summers. Faith had named her doll for Caitlyn as well.

Caitlyn was playing tea parties. “No, Mr. Wilkins. You cannot eat spiders; it’s cupcakes for company, silly bear.”

“God, that kid is whack sometimes.” Faith shrugged and went back to the images on the screen. “Ooh shit. That picture of Harvard University, the grounds? I’ve been there, Jake.”

“Maybe you were a child prodigy, academic genius.” Jake kissed her playfully on the nose. “Ever think about that?”

“You know how boring I find book stuff.” Faith hugged him. Jake was full of encouragement over her idea to go to Boston for their honeymoon to see if it would trigger memories for her.

“No, Mr. Wilkins!” Caitlyn snapped. “I don’t like drinking milk in pretend games. Mommy makes me drink it enough already.”

“Are you five by five over there, Caitlyn?” Faith asked her daughter in amusement.

Caitlyn nodded sagely. “It’s my game and I’m drinking 7Up.”

“You do that, kiddo.” Jake encouraged her. “Show your teddy bear who’s boss.”

He stroked Faith on the back. “Five by five? What does that mean? Never heard it before.”

“Everything’s fine. ‘Nam vets’ used it a lot. Musta heard it in the tattoo parlor.” Faith stood up and stretched. “Chicken soup for dinner?”

Jake insisted on making dinner for them, which involved ringing up the local Pizza Parlor, much to Caitlyn’s delight and Faith’s eye rolling.

Their normal family routine was followed after Hawaiian Pizza consumption. Bath-time for Caitlyn. Mr. Wilkins liked to watch the news with Jake during that time. Caitlyn would prop the stuffed toy up on an armchair, before she went to the bathroom. Faith wondered fleetingly if she should deliberately lose the bear.

Story-time for Caitlyn once she was in her pajamas. Jake would read Caitlyn a chapter from 'The Wind in the Willows'. Mr. Wilkins sitting on Caitlyn’s pillow.

“He said you skipped a page.” Caitlyn mumbled sleepily. “Good night, Daddy.”

“Night pumpkin.” Jake kissed the little girl on the cheek.

He walked down the passageway. Unexpectedly he was grabbed by Faith and pulled into their bedroom.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Jake gasped, as he was flung onto the bed. She was so strong he never could get over it.

“Candy-stripers uniform, I picked it up in the early hours, exploring around the hospital.” Faith practically burst out, in an appealing way, of the size too small dress.

“Picked up? What, you stole it?” Jake couldn’t believe his ears. Faith’s honesty put everybody else to shame normally.

“I saw it.” Faith knelt astride him. “I wanted it.” She unbuttoned his flannel shirt eagerly. “I took it and now I have it.”

“What, to make love to me in?” Jake guessed Christmas had come early for him.

“To get sweaty with you in, lover.” Faith’s face wore a hardened lecherous expression he’d never seen before. She tugged off his t-shirt. “So don’t be deficient, live out any depraved fantasy you’ve ever had regarding the medical profession with me.”

Jake always nurtured a few secret fantasies he wanted to try out with her. Hell, Faith should get kicked in the head by a moose more often. Who needed a visiting succubus, with this new improved attitude in the bedroom on Faith's part? Ouch, she was kind of rough though.
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