The Next Generation
THINGS STARFLEET OFFICERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO: TNG
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters from any of the Star Trek series and I earn no profit in writing this
“What are you doing?”
“Checking the list.” Captain Picard didn’t have to ask which list his CMO was referring to. It had become quite popular recently. The list had, of course, been floating around for years and it went through various forms and stages of development. It also went through periods of inactivity. This wasn’t one of them. Apparently the cycle he’d seen three times before in his long career was going to repeat itself.
“These were added within the last week.” She pointed out the recent additions.
11. Stop creating new sentient species.
“Wesley,” Picard sighed.
“What makes you think it’s about him?” Beverly asked defensively. “It was only added last week.” She pointed at the stardate.
“Last week the Nanites applied for Federation membership.”
To change the subject, she read further down the list.
12. Do not create new religions.
“I wonder who that one could be about?” she asked in a mock innocent tone.
“That was hardly my fault,” Picard pointed out, slightly irritated at the reminder of the Mintakans. “And I’m not the only offender.” He nodded to the addendum.
12a. Or meddle in existing ones.
“Sisko?” the doctor raised an eyebrow.
“Probably.” They read on, nodding at some and smiling over others. Then they got to one that gave them both pause.
13. Beware assumptions when studying an alien legal system. Common sense laws do not mean common sense punishments.
“Wesley again,” Picard sighed. “He made the list on his very first away mission. I think that’s a record.”
“Now THAT wasn’t his fault,” the over-protective mother answered.
“I know. We should have been more careful in studying their laws.”
14. Do not answer your captain’s orders with ‘why?’
That was common sense, Picard thought, but apparently there were some who had issues with it.
14a. The engineering and science departments often need and are expected to ask why. They are also expected to ask when, how, and ‘You want the ship to do WHAT?’
The two senior officers winced and shared long-suffering looks.
Riker stared in consternation at one of the rules.
15. If you can’t talk to them, don’t shoot at them.
That incident with the Children had been a sore point between himself and the captain for a while.
16. Fraternization regulations exist for a reason, and are not strict enough. Think first.
“I’m starting to feel persecuted,” he muttered aloud. A snicker from behind him caused him to turn quickly. Deanna smiled gently at him. “Not funny.”
“Yes it is,” she disagreed. Then she caught sight of the next one and stopped smiling.
17. Telepathic and/or empathic abilities are not to be abused.
“Now I’m feeling persecuted,” she muttered. Riker repressed his smile with an effort.
18. Puns do not translate well. Don’t.
“I wonder who inspired that one?” Deanna wondered.
“Swing a cat,” Riker grimaced, remembering more than a few occasions when his attempts at humor had gotten lost in translation, and then grimaced again when Deanna stared at him blankly.
19. April Fool’s Day is not a recognized holiday. Its celebration is prohibited.
It took data a fraction of a second to pull up the reference from his memory banks. He had to agree with that one. Pranks were more a problem at the Academy than on starship duty, but he had fallen victim to a few during his career.
19a. No holiday should be celebrated, especially that one, without an understanding of what is involved.
Again, Data had to agree. ‘Pranking’ a Klingon, as one of his classmates at the Academy had learned, could have painful consequences.
20. Ethical debates have their place. On the bridge in the middle of a crisis is not it.
The android suspected that he was at least partially to blame for that one. He wondered which of the incidents he had been involved in had prompted it.
A/N: Numbers 19 and 19a are a reference to something that happened in an ST: TNG novel. It’s a stretch to the rule I set for myself, but it fit well.