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Things Starfleet Officers are not Allowed to Do

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Summary: Another list inspired by Skippy. There is a chapter for each series.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > Deep Space NineAesopFR753,16982013,74610 Apr 0710 Apr 07Yes

Deep Space Nine

THINGS STARFLEET OFFICERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO: DS9


DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters from any of the Star Trek series and I earn no profit in writing this


It was not official. That much, Kira Nerise quickly determined. They were not actual regulations, although some of the entries did refer to or restate them. She read the title again. ‘THINGS STARFLEET OFFICERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO.’ It must be a human thing, she decided, and continued to read the entries. One caught her eye.

30. Tribbles do not make good pets. This was proven 100 years ago. It shouldn’t have to be repeated.

Kira sighed. Too true. It had taken weeks to clean up the mess after they had accidentally brought tribbles back from their impromptu trip to the past. She wondered who had told Starfleet.

31. Don’t refer to the Prophets as wormhole aliens around the Kai.

She should have seen that one coming. It was good advice regardless of who held the title. The new Kai was no Opaca, but he was no Winn either. Thank the Prophets.

32. Regardless of its apparent effectiveness in preventing future visits, punching members of the Q continuum is strongly discouraged.

While it was true the God-like irritant had only visited DS9 once, Kira had to agree that hitting him probably hadn’t been the smartest thing Sisko had ever done. It had been fun to watch, though. Quark had made a small fortune selling copies of the security feed.

33. Pets are not to be acquired in the Gamma quadrant.

Pets? She couldn’t recall any- oh.

34. If you do acquire one, please keep it out of the main computer

Chief O’Brien hadn’t been able to keep his software ‘dog’ off the furniture. It had been trying to ‘help’ again. Any one of the five engineers and computer technicians fixing the new improved replicators or the dozen odd crewmen cleaning up the mess made by those replicators could have posted that one, and the next.

35. That thing needs a leash.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Miles must have made that entry, Julian decided. Then again, he supposed it could have been any engineer.

36. If you don’t know what it does, don’t touch it!

It could have referred to any one of a dozen incidents over the past few years. As could the one following it.

37. Anyone caught selling tickets to the escape pods will be severely punished, Quark.

Subtle. Very subtle. He shook his head. The Ferengi always managed to wiggle his way out of trouble somehow, but those days might be over. The doctor suspected that Captain Kira would be far less forgiving than Sisko had been. Speaking of unforgiving… He glanced at his latest patient. The Dominion War might be over, but that didn’t mean the fighting had stopped. He accessed the list and made his own entry. This was one that could have and probably should have been posted within days after first contact with the species.

38. Remember, there is no such thing as a ‘polite disagreement’ with a Jem’Hadar.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Quark heartily agreed with the latest addition. The ‘polite disagreement’ had taken place in his bar after all. The one about selling tickets to the escape pods was uncalled for, though. He hadn’t done that in a long time, months even.

A bit farther down the list there was one that offered proof that people as far away as Earth and Starfleet Academy were contributing to the list. He felt certain he knew who was responsible for this one, and he felt a rush of pride for his nephew.

39. Narrow mindedness does not serve Starfleet officers. The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition aren’t just about profit and teach more than greed.
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