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Things Starfleet Officers are not Allowed to Do

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Summary: Another list inspired by Skippy. There is a chapter for each series.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > Deep Space NineAesopFR753,16982013,93610 Apr 0710 Apr 07Yes



DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters from any of the Star Trek series and I earn no profit in writing this

Jonathan Archer smiled as he made his entry. Trip was not going to like it, but there was a lesson to be learned and that was what the list was about, wasn’t it? Well, it doesn’t hurt if people get a laugh out of it too.

41. Interspecies romances are hard enough. Don’t let her get you pregnant on the first date.

Yeah. Trip was definitely gonna kill him.

He didn’t know who started the list, but he, for one, was thoroughly enjoying it.


Trip swore under his breath, wondering who had put that on this list. The doctor wouldn’t have done it, and the captain had better taste than to needle him about that incident. He briefly wondered about T’Pol, but discarded the thought. She would have declared the entire list a waste of time, thoroughly illogical. So who had put it there?

He sighed and read on. The very next entry caught his eye.

42. Do not make adjustments to the ship’s gravity plating without making a general announcement first. That’s how broken bones happen.

Trip winced. He had gotten an earful from the captain and the doctor about that. He was sure that that one would spawn a regulation if it hadn’t already. He wondered if that was part of the reason the list had been started.

43. Don’t comment on the body odor of other species, at least not where they can hear you.

Always good advice. Klingons were such touchy people.


T’Pol frowned at one of the more recent additions to the list. It was, she agreed, undiplomatic to comment on the body odor of others, and she was rather chagrined to be forced to wonder if this particular entry was aimed at her. The next one almost certainly was.

44. Don’t rely too much on logic. It can lead to illogical conclusions and just plain silly decisions.

Commander Tucker. It had to be. She wished Trip would just drop it. Trip?

45. Just because you can help doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

That one surprised her. That a Human would express such a notion was interesting. They were always meddling in things that a Vulcan crew would have known to let alone. The alien ship with its dead crew had set the pattern, and there had been so many others since then.


46. Remember that alien species have alien customs. They don’t require your approval and most don’t want your opinion.

Phlox had considered making such an entry himself, but he doubted he would have been so blunt. Ah, well. It needed to be said. Vulcans, Klingons, and the encounter with the Vissians had been insufficient to prove this to the Humans so far.

47. Yes. You’ve proven the Vulcan High Command wrong. Quit it with the time travel, already!

This entry made the doctor laugh out loud, regardless of how heartily he agreed with the sentiment. The next entry was not as amusing, but he also strongly supported it.

48. Genetic manipulation of sentient species is forbidden. How many races have to prove that it’s a bad idea?

How many, indeed? The list was becoming alarmingly long. Enough browsing, though. He needed to make his own entry.

49. Do not eat any alien food not approved by the ship’s doctor. Even if it is not poisonous, it may not be safe. Allergies are not predictable.


The list was growing well. He had suspected that it would catch on and hoped it would grow, and indeed it had, beyond his expectations. The latest entries were proof that Starfleet’s future was in good hands. He knew the stories behind many of the entries. For some, however, he decided that not knowing was preferable.

50. Alien dives and too friendly females. Don’t.

He shook his head. That was a good example, and it was good advice. He keyed an entry and went back to the first. The one he had started the list with.

1. Starfleet’s mission is to explore space and to learn about new cultures and civilizations. In the excitement of doing so do not forget where you came from or your own values.

That, he felt certain would always be applicable, no matter how Starfleet grew and changed. Anonymity was important to the project and he had been careful to ensure it both for himself and for any who might wish to contribute to it. It would change people’s perception of the list if they knew who had started it. He hoped his gift would be well-received and taken to heart. A signal from the intercom on his desk reminded him that he had other duties to tend to.

“Ambassador Soval? Your shuttle is ready. The ship for Vulcan will be ready to depart as soon as you are on board.”

The End

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