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Word on the Street

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This story is No. 1 in the series "The Johnny Chronicles". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: BtVS/Police Squad – Just where does Giles get all that detailed knowledge about demons? One-shot. Humor

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Police SquadjustaguyFR151605161,85113 Apr 0713 Apr 07Yes
Disclaimer – BtVS is owned by Mutant Enemy. Police Squad is owned by Paramount Television. I am making no monetary gain from this story.

Spoilers – None for either show.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show Police Squad it was a short lived (6 episodes) series from ABC in the early eighties. It was created and run by the same people who wrote and directed Airplane (perhaps one of the funniest movies ever made). The premise was reworked into the Naked Gun movies a few years later.

Sadly one character did not make into the movies.

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Word on the Street

“Damn it,” Buffy said. “We’re running out of time?”

“I am aware of that Buffy,” Giles replied from behind a rather large stack of books. “But information on Sumagi’ki demons is notoriously difficult to come by. They are extremely rare.”

“We need something Giles,” Buffy said. “Sunset is in two hours and if they stick to the pattern they’ll strike again tonight.”

“I can’t find anything in these books,” Willow said in an exasperated tone.

“We’re running out of dusty tomes,” Xander noted.

“Do you have any other sources Giles?” Buffy asked.

Giles replied with a knowing nod.

----

Rupert Giles scanned the area him carefully to make certain no one had followed him. Satisfied that he managed to arrive unobserved he quickly made his way to the shoe shine stand at the end of the street.

Giles sat down at one of the chairs and put his foot up. The man running the stand started to set up his equipment. Giles took another quick look around before leaning in.

“Johnny,” Giles began. “What do you know about Sumagi’ki demons?”

“I wouldn’t know anything,” Johnny answered as he began polishing Giles’ shoe.

Giles surreptitiously pulled several bills out of his pocket and handed them to Johnny. Johnny then scanned the area himself before leaning in and speaking quietly.

“There are two varieties of Sumagi’ki demons,” he said. “The first is native only to the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region of southern China and never ventures more than two hundred miles from home. So you’re probably dealing with the more common Great Lakes variety. A group relocated to the warehouse district three months ago and set up shop.”

Giles nodded. “And how does one go about killing one?”

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “I wouldn’t know?”

Giles looked around before passing Johnny several more bills.

Johnny leaned in. “There most vulnerable spot is located just below the neck line. At the ninth vertebrae. A direct blow there by blessed weapon will kill one instantly. But you have to be careful, there is a fourth eye located on the left shoulder. So always approach from the right.”

“Thanks Johnny,” Giles said as he got up and walked away.

A few moments later a man dressed in business suit sat down and scanned the area carefully.

“Johnny what do you know about impairment issues for fixed assets when a product life-cycle is cut short?” he asked.

“Got me?” Johnny replied.

Glancing around the man handed Johnny several folded bills.

Taking the money Johnny glimpsed around and then leaned in. “Taking the impairment is a mistake because you will have to take the full loss as single lump sum posted against your P and L statement in the current period. The better option is to accelerate the depreciation cycle retroactively over the current fiscal year …”

End

A/N – If you a fan of Airplane, the Naked Gun movies or just want a good laugh, I highly recommend picking up a copy of the Police Squad DVD. They’re actually funnier than the movies.

The End

You have reached the end of "Word on the Street". This story is complete.

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