Open Mouth, Insert Foot
Spoilers- Just general stuff for NCIS. It’s set in season 3 purely because of Ziva.
Stargate: post season 8
Disclaimer- I own neither NCIS or Stargate. I only use the characters for my own amusement.
Note- This far from perfect and the characters are a little (okay a lot) off, but it made me giggle and that’s the main thing.
“Oh god, I hope she’s here to see me.” Tony slowly rose from his chair.
Ziva looked up. She turned to follow Tony’s gaze and saw the tall blonde exiting the elevator. “She’s out of your legion, Tony.”
“League,” McGee corrected. “She’s out of Tony’s league.” McGee looked up from his computer. “Way out of his league.”
“I saw her first, McGee,” Tony scowled.
He moved to intercept the woman. “Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. Is there anything I can do for you?”
The woman smiled. “I’m looking for Special Agent Gibbs.”
Tony deflated. “Of course you are. Why do all the hot ones always go for the old guys?”
McGee and Ziva fell silent. The woman looked over Tony’s shoulder.
Tony closed his eyes. “Gibbs is right behind me, isn’t he?”
The slap to the back of his head was his answer.
Tony winced. “Hi, boss.”
The woman smirked. “It’s the hair.”
Tony frowned as the woman slipped past him to greet Gibbs. “What?”
“I like the silver hair. Hi, Jethro.” She kissed him on the cheek.
Gibbs smiled at her. “Sam, what are you doing here?”
“General O’Neill sent me. You have something of ours.”
“General O’Neill? The new Head of Homeland Security?” McGee asked.
“That’d be the one, McGee,” Gibbs answered easily.
Sam coughed. “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Jethro?”
Gibbs set his cup of coffee down. “You all ready met Tony. Sam, this is Timothy McGee and Ziva David. McGee, Ziva, this is Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter, USAF.”
“Samantha Carter? Doctor Samantha Carter?” McGee asked excitedly.
Tony took a step back. “You’re an Air Force Colonel and a doctor?”
“PhD,” Sam confirmed. “Theoretical Astrophysics and Quantum Mechanics.”
Tony leaned against his desk. “Two PhDs?”
“That means she’s far too smart for you, Tony,” Ziva smirked.
McGee got up to shake her hand, nearly tripping over his chair. “I’ve heard so much about you. You’re pretty much a legend at MIT. All of my physics Professors raved about you. And that article on wormholes you published- wow. That was amazing-“
Sam grinned at the younger man’s excited rambling. “Thank you, Agent McGee.”
McGee blushed. “Call me Tim.”
“So, ah, how long are you in town for?” Tony asked slyly. “Maybe we could have dinner. I could show you the sights.”
“She’s married, DiNozzo,” Gibbs barked. “And she’s been here before.”
“He was just trying to be nice,” Sam admonished.
“No, McGee was being nice. Tony was hitting on you. Jack’s an old buddy of mine; I’d hate to bust him for killing one of my agents.”
“Jethro, you know Jack better than that. He wouldn’t leave any evidence.”
Tony grimaced, a bad feeling weighing down his stomach. “Jack?”
“My husband. General Jack O’Neill.”
“I had a feeling you were going to say that. You aren’t going to tell him about this…?”
Gibbs shook his head. “Come on, Sam. Abby’s going to take that thing apart if we don’t get down there soon.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “She wouldn’t.”
“But it’s classified!”
Gibbs smiled and walked towards the elevator.
Sam turned to the others. “She wouldn’t, would she?”
McGee winced. “Ah, actually-“
“She would,” Ziva nodded.
“Jethro, wait.” Sam hurried towards the elevator. “It was nice to meet you,” she called over her shoulder.
McGee collapsed into his chair, a goofy smile on his face. “I just met Doctor Samantha Carter.”
“Gibbs is going to tell the General, isn’t he?” Tony asked with a grimace.
Ziva smiled. “It was nice knowing you, Tony.”