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The Pain of Knowing

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This story is No. 6 in the series "Summers in Seattle". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Is the pain of knowing what you’ve missed more than the pain of what’s to come? [Team Roadhouse]

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Buffy-Centered
Television > Grey's Anatomy
(Recent Donor)EmonyFR1311,588021,73630 Apr 0730 Apr 07Yes
Title: The Pain of Knowing
Author: Emony
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jo Harvelle. Buffy and Dawn Summers. Izzie Stevens, George O’Malley, Callie Torres.
Disclaimer: All things SPN belong to Eric Kripke, et al. All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, et al. All things GA belong to Shonda Rhimes, et al.
Team/Challenge: spn_btvs - Team Roadhouse - #7 - Incorporate a THIRD universe into your crossover.
Word Count: 1,547.
Summary: Is the pain of knowing what you’ve missed more than the pain of what’s to come?
Notes: Set post-series BtVS. Spoilers for up to 2.14 on SPN and up to 3.20 for Grey's Anatomy.
Notes2: Sequel to 'Bringing it all Together'.


Izzie Stevens entered the foyer of the Archfield Hotel with her three cousins; it was where Buffy and Dawn were staying and where they had decided to have this little reunion. She hadn't wanted to be interrupted so Meredith's was out and Jo hadn't offered the use of wherever it was she was staying. Which was most likely not anywhere like the Archfield.

She came to a halt, the others carrying on, as the elevator doors opened to reveal George and Callie, dressed to return to their shifts at the hospital. The O'Malley's spotted her standing alone at the same time, George looked nervous and confused, Callie just looked pissed.

"Izzie? What are you doing here? Did Bailey send you? We weren't gone that long were we?"

As she began to answer Buffy noticed that she was no longer with them and brought the other two back in her direction.

"What? No, George. Bailey isn't looking for you, not as far as I know anyway."

"So, what are you doing here then, Stevens?"

"I, I..."

"She's visiting us." Thank you, Buffy.

"And you are?"

"Buffy Summers, and you?"

"Dr. Callie Torres and this is my husband Dr. George O'Malley."

"Nice to meet you, I'm sure. I take it you're friends of my cousin?"

Izzie watched as George's face fell, another part of her life she'd never told him about. Well, it served him right, he never told her he was running off to Vegas and getting married. Seriously!

"The best." Callie snorted at her husbands answer.

"Sure, whatever. Well, you guys obviously had an elsewhere to be and if you didn't we do, catch you later. You coming, Iz?"

"Izzie?" George's confusion had ratcheted up several more notches since Buffy and the other two had appeared on the scene.

"I'll catch you tomorrow, George."

As she headed towards the elevator with her cousins it was hard to keep the smile off of her face as she heard the newlyweds arguing as they headed towards the hotel's exit.


Dawn sighed as she sank into the softer of the two sofas in the suite; she was both looking forward to and dreading the upcoming conversation, which was in no way going to be made better by the little scene in the foyer.

She wondered who George O'Malley was to her cousin. He said he was 'the best' when it came to her friends, but the look on both his wife's and Izzie's face said something different. Callie obviously thought it was more than that, and Izzie didn't look at all secure, she looked lost and jealous and guilty all at once. Being sucky at relationships obviously came from her Mom's side of the family.

"So, how did you guys afford this place? Did Aunt Joyce come into some money?" Izzie asked, an obvious deflection from anything to do with her.

Dawn's mood plummeted. The look on Buffy's face was mirrored on her own.

"What? Did, did something happen to her?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Who didn't tell me what?"

"Your Mom, we told her when we were looking for you, before she chucked us out. We figured she would have at least told you that." Buffy answered, her voice trembling.

"Mom hasn't said anything about you in years. What's going on?"

"She's dead, isn't she?" Jo asked; it looked as if subtlety was still not her strong point.

She and Buffy nodded.

"Oh my God." Izzie raised a hand to her mouth, tears forming in her eyes. Jo looked as though she was struggling not to cry.

"When? How? Was it, was it demons?"

"Six years ago, it was an aneurysm. They said the tumour in her brain was gone and-"

"Six years ago? What, it took you that long to tell anyone? What was so damn important that you-"

"Oh, I don't know, Iz, it might have been the small matter of an apocalypse followed by me spending the summer six feet under." Buffy snarked back.

Good one, Buff, ease them into gently.


"Yeah, Jo, we tend to get at least one a year. That year's is sort of memorable."

"For all sorts of reasons." Dawn added, ignoring her sister's glare.

"Hold on a second. Never mind the apocalypse, what about six feet under? You can't possibly mean you were de-"

"Dead? Sure I can. Wouldn't have been the first time."


"What, Dawn?"

"You can't just dump that on them."

Buffy deflated as she realised what she had said.

"I, I'm sorry guys. I shouldn't have said that like that, it's just this last, god, has it been a decade?" She nodded her own answer, "Yeah, this last decade or so has been so full of so many things it would take almost as long to-"

"But, you died?"

"I did. Once in '97, only for a few minutes that time. And then again in 2001."

"Seriously? How?"

"Hold on a second guys", she told them as she jumped up and grabbed the phone and ordered several pizzas from room service, "We'll need something to get us through this it's a long story."


Several hours after Dawn had ordered the pizzas Jo sat staring in awe at her cousins. She'd thought her own story or even the Winchester's story was something to be in awe of but this, this was something else.


Jo nearly laughed, Izzie sure had a thing for the word. Mind you, she had noticed it in use a lot around the hospital.

"Yeah, and that's just the short version. You didn't get all the gory relationship details."



Jo did laugh this that time, drawing attention to herself.

"What? Like gory relationships aren't par for the course in any line of work."

She noticed as Izzie nodded sombrely at her pronouncement, a look that Buffy had caught as well. It looked like Buffy would take care of that one.

"Yeah, well it's not in every line of work that you end up killing the love of your life."

"Dawn!" Wow, Buffy still had that screech on her.

Izzie jumped up and ran from her spot by the TV, heading for the nearest door, which happened to be the bathroom.


"I, I. Oh, God." Jo knew that look, even after all these years she knew the look of Dawn putting together all her facts and coming up with the right answer. Dawn shot to her feet and tried to follow Izzie, Buffy stopped her with one hand and followed instead, locking the door behind her.

Jo turned to her cousin and best friend,

"Still haven't found that block between your brain and your mouth, huh?"


Buffy entered the bathroom to see Izzie sitting against the tub staring into space, she reached behind and the locked the door.

"Iz, I, I'm so sorry."

Izzie raised her face to look at her,

"You think you know what it's like?"

"It wasn't you Dawn was talking about."

"How would you know? She's been in the hospital two days, she probably heard all the gory details inside of five minutes."

"Izzie, she didn't even know you were there, she might have heard some things, but she didn't know it was you, not until just now."

"And you did?"

"Walter told me a few things, but I didn't realise he was talking about you until Dawn told me you were here."

Buffy watched as her cousin realised she was telling the truth. Taking that as her cue she edged towards the tub and took a seat next her cousin, taking her hand in her own.

"What was she talking about then? Did, did she?"

Buffy shook her head,

"No, not her."


"Angelus was Angel, without the soul."

It was clear from the looks passing over Izzie's face that the knowledge changed something inside of her,

"You know?"

"I know." Buffy answered, squeezing her hand.


Izzie took a deep breath as she unlocked the bathroom door, let go of Buffy's hand, and stepped back into the main room of the suite.

"It'll be ok." Buffy whispered behind her.

Buffy. Her cousin. Her best friend. Her person. She knew what Meredith really meant now. George was never going to be her person; he was too many other things to be that. Here was Buffy, back in her life and someone who actually knew.

"Izzie?" Dawn looked petrified. "Izzie, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I didn't even know that it was you, with the, you know, the wire."

"I know you didn't."

"I'm still sorry, you know."

"I know." She shook her head to clear her thoughts, "So, anyone else feel the need to fall to pieces?"

Jo laughed, a bitter sort of laugh,

"I'm sure all of us have more than one reason to do so. But, how about not now."

"I'm all for that." Buffy added.

"Me too."

"Me too. So, does anyone want to tell me what brought you all to Seattle Grace, if it wasn't me?"

Maybe it wasn’t something she wanted to know, and after Buffy and Dawn's story and the look in Jo's eyes, it was something she really didn't want to know. But this was family; she needed to know.

End fic.

The End

You have reached the end of "The Pain of Knowing". This story is complete.

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