Title: The Hardest Thing 5/5
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Alex Krycek belongs to Chris Carter, etc. Dawn and the other Buffy charcters belong to Joss Whedon.
Spoilers: Season 5 end Buffy, AU Season 9 end X-Files.
Summary: "I missed it. Like I miss everything else in their lives."
Authors Note: Huge thanks to SiN for looking these over for me.
The kitchen was empty except for Willow, who was sitting at the table eating a piece of toast. The radio was playing softly in the background.
She looked up from her deliberations of the fruit bowl, flinching at the look on my face, her eyes showing her fear at the conversation to come. Her wonder as to whether this was to be worse than the conversation I had overheard her having with Giles a few days previously.
"Alex." Her voice wavering.
"Willow." My voice harsh and cold.
I let her stew as I headed for the fridge reaching for the orange juice, finding a glass in the dishwasher, and drinking slowly. I sigh contentedly as I finish, slamming the glass on to the drainer, she jumps.
I turn towards her and ask the question that I have been waiting to ask her for days, "Why?"
I don't let her continue to rummage for an answer. My voice quiet, so as not to wake the rest of the house, but full of menace, "Why bring her back? Why do that to her Willow?"
She flinches again and finally finds an answer from within. "It wasn't her time."
"It wasn't her time?!" I laugh harshly.
"Let me finish!"
"It wasn't her time, she is still needed here on Earth."
"Willow, Willow, Willow. Death was her gift and YOU tool that most precious gift from her. She gave her life for her sister, for you, for the world and you threw it back in her face."
And now she plays her trump card, the one she use to cover up her purely selfish reasons for bringing my cousin back.
"She was suffering in some hell dimension! Don't you understand that? I couldn't let her stay there!"
I cannot believe this girl, she can't see past the end of her own nose. How can she be so sure that Buffy was in a hell dimension? Can't she see the pain Buffy is in now? Would she be feeling that if she had been in hell?
I'm shaking my head, about to ask her these questions, when my cell phone begins to ring. Damn it!
"What?" I growl into the mouthpiece.
Willow takes this moment to escape. And now the thing I've been dreading the most has come at the worst possible time.
I have to abandon them. It's time for the final push. Why is it called that? It's not final, it's just
getting me out of the Consortium, and it's not even the end of my involvement in this mess.
It's morning now. The three of us are sitting on the back porch, faces to the sun. And I'm trying to think of a way to break it to them.
"You're leaving aren't you?" Buffy.
"Time for that final push?" Dawn.
I look at them in shock, I should have known really. They're smart, my girls.
"Yes, I am."
Tears are trailing down all three of our faces; I pull their hands into mine. We sit in silence for a moment. Dawn breaks it.
"When will you be home?"
Home? She's right, this is my home. They are my home.
"I don't know." Their shoulders slump. "It could take days, it could take years."
"Just come back to us Alex."
"I will, Buffy, I will." But I can't really promise that can I? And they both know that but every once in a while we all need that lie that makes everything better.
My phone rings three times. That's my signal.
We rise, I hug them both, and we head inside. Buffy spots my bags by the front door and hands them to me.
They stand in silence on the front porch holding hands as I drive off.
I can't wish them safety, being who they are they will never truly have that, but I can wish them strength, although at times they may falter, they will always have strength.