The Hardest Thing
Title: The Hardest Thing 1/5
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Alex Krycek belongs to Chris Carter, etc. Dawn and the other Buffy charcters belong to Joss Whedon.
Spoilers: Season 5 end Buffy, AU Season 9 end X-Files.
Summary: "I missed it. Like I miss everything else in their lives."
I missed it. Like I miss everything else in their lives. It's for the 'greater good' I keep telling myself, she understands, she does understand, all too much.
It's why she exists as she does, it's why I'm her only real family left, blood family anyway. Yeah, I know all about the 'Scoobies'. It'd be hard not to, they're the only thing that kept my girls going.
I wanted to be there, but I couldn't be, I'm not out yet. The only reason I'm here now is because there's enough room for me to dissappear for a week or two. Then I have to go back for the final push.
To be free. To live in this world is the hardest thing, I told her that. I told her it, trying to explain, back when she was really struggling with her calling, why we do these things, why I had to pretend to be someone I'm not, why she had to put her life on the line every night.
It's so that one day we can all be free. It may not look like it, but we were fighting the same war, from the same side.
Now you're thinking, who are they? My girls? What did I miss? Why? What war?
I'll tell you some of it, it'll be the truth too. You're laughing now, Alex Krycek tell the truth? It's all I've ever wanted to do, but I'll ask you, have you ever been deep undercover, so far under that you have to do anything they say? Didn't think you had.
That's my truth, you've never seen the real me, what you've seen was an act to get inside, but they were beginning to figure it out. That's why my real bosses are pulling me out.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm stalling but that's what you need to know before I tell you who they are. So that you won't see them as bad, wrong, evil, because they're not, never could be.
My girls? They're my baby cousins. Mom was ten years older than Aunt Joyce and she had me when she was very young.
Buffy and Dawn.
How come you didn't know we were related? They can keep some secrets you know, you wouldn't think it, but they can.
And now Buffy's gone, that's what I missed, her funeral, I know I couldn't have prevented her death, but Dawn needed me and I wasn't there. Oh, I know she had the Scoobies and the bot, but can you imagine what that's doing to her? A robot of her dead sister. She can't tell anyone why she's upset because her sister's right there!
I know, I know, the saftey of Sunnydale depends on that robot, the 'greater good' and all.
Now I've been sitting in a parked car at the end of Revello Drive for over half an hour. It's time, one of them has probably spotted me by now. Sloppy, Alex, sloppy.
I park the car in front of the house, someone's been mowing the lawn, I would guess Xander. Have you ever noticed how long this path is? It feels like whole minutes have passed to get to the door. I knock.
There's a slight scuffle behind the door, "Buffy! No!"
But it's too late, the door opens and there it is, I'll say it because it's not her, and I know it. It puts on a bright smile.
"Hello! I'm Buffy! Who are you? How may I help you?"
And that's how I found out about the robot earlier, it's far too perky to be my girl. She lost that the
day she became a Slayer.
A young man comes up behind her, half smiling, half suspicious.
"I'd like to speak to Dawn please." I say. That smile dissappears in an instant.
"She's not here." Terse and to the point.
"Dawn? She's my sister! L'il' Bit!"
"Buffy, why don't you go and find Willow?" Xander says, annoyance seeping into his eyes.
"Yes! Willow!" It turns to me and smiles, "She's gay now!" and leaves.
Xander coughs and tells me again that Dawn isn't here, but his eyes change as he says it and I know she's just walking up the street, I don't turn to look.
"Do you know when she will be home?"
"No, I don't know when Dawn will be home." He answers a little too loudly, then his eyes widen as I hear Dawn's feet pound along the path as she runs toward me.
She runs full tilt into me and puts her arms around me, I'm home.