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What the Hell

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Summary: Some people are just aggressive, and Yusuke is one of them. Too bad he's in Sunnydale now, and the rules have changed. Mild cursing. YYH/BtVS

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > YuYu HakushopeachyFR1311,999162,7621 Jul 031 Jul 03No
A/n- I had an insanely hard time writing this. And I think it's rather terrible. So I would LOVE some constructive criticism. Flame if you must, me asking you not to isn't going to stop you. BUT if you happen to read this and think "wow, this fic needs blah blah blah..." please put it in a review. That's all I'm asking you.

A/n 2- Please ignore the obvious plot hole of language. I wracked my brain around it for weeks, and then gave up. In this fic, everyone speaks English, even if they live in Japan.

A/n 3- This is season 1 Buffy (hopefully). I will be making some references of things that will happen later in Yu Yu Hakusho, but if you haven’t seen that far ahead, you won’t really notice. ^_^

Disclaimer: Don't own them.


Yusuke ran steadily down the street, his arms pumping at his side and Keiko's irritating voice in his head. Of all the things, he was running to school! It almost was laughable. Until Yusuke remembered that Keiko had threatened him severely- to an inch of his life, actually, if he didn't at least make it to school. And she slapped extremely hard for a girl of her size.

Keiko had this ridiculous notion that Yusuke had to make up for his six month "break" he had taken. Not that it was particularly therapeutic. Unlike most people on sabbatical, Yusuke spent all six months in utter agony, with the evil, well, another voice reminded Yusuke in the back of his head, she's not exactly evil. Under the cruel teacher Genkai, the master physic. Hard to imagine that the foul mouthed, gel soaked teenage punk who was currently racing down the street was actually the Spirit Detective of the Spirit World, who had defeated the infamous demon Rando to become Genkai's apprentice.

But this was utterly embarrassing. The great and infamous Yusuke Urameshi was running down the street to make it to class, because he was being threatened by a girl. What could make it worse?

A familiar voice called his name. He had to ask.

Yusuke stopped in his tracks, glaring down the street at the blue haired ferry girl of the river Styx who had called to him. She was floating conspicuously on an oar, but no one seemed to take notice at all. She giggled, and Yusuke groaned.

"Where are you off to so quickly," she inquired.

Yusuke's face reddened slightly. "School, Botan. Keiko is waiting for me."

Botan giggled again. "Ohhhh. Keiko's waiting for you?" She gave him a little wink before sliding off her oar.

"You know what Botan, I really don't like how you said that!" his face shined, and he hit the poor ferry girl squarely on the top of her head. "Get to the point, what stupid task does the toddler," Botan made a squeaking noise, "Koenma, Koemna, all right, want me to do now?"

She sighed happily while rubbing her head slightly. These were the things you had to deal with when you interacted with Yusuke. "You have a new case! Aren't you excited?"

"Ecstatic. Does Koemna happen to have any useful information at all?"

Botan looked at the file that she had pulled out of her pink kimono, giving it a quick glance. "No, not really!"

"I really hate you, you know that?"

"But you don't hate Keiko," Botan reminded Yusuke, which earned the girl a loud "Botan!" and a sharp elbow to the side.

She cleared her throat, annoyance passing quickly over her face. "Would you like to hear this?"

Yusuke sighed. "If I must."

"It's really rather strange. The Spirit World is getting this weird energy coming from a small town in America. Koenma wants you to go and check it out."

Yusuke glared. "Botan, what is running through the toddler's mind?! I can't walk on water, and America is across a huge ocean!"

Botan giggled again. "Ohh. Don't worry, Yusuke! Koenma's got it all worked out!" Yusuke snorted. "He's setting up some, err, portal for us."

"Us?" Yusuke asked incredulously.

"Well, I am the assistant of the Spirit Detective! Anyway, the portal should drop us right in town."

"Goodie. And will it drop me from twenty feet in the air?"

Botan puffed out her chest. "You know, Yusuke, I don't really see why you're complaining! This is the responsibility of the Spirit Detective."

"Don't give me that responsibility crap! I'm not Koenma's delivery boy."

"It's a moot point. You're leaving in ten minutes."

"Botan, you're not even listening to me! I don't /want/ to go to America and put my neck on the line again!"

Botan pursed her lips. "Look Yusuke. Just because there's no one directly endangering Keiko," Yusuke's face scrunched up, but Botan continued before he could yell at her again, "doesn't mean that this mission is any less important!"

"So what's up with this weird energy again?"

Botan gave a triumphant look and checked her manila envelope. "Hmm. Apparently this town has some sort of portal on it to the Spirit World, and it's fluctuating, causing disturbances that are effecting the townsfolk."

"Cut the crap Botan. What's going on?"

"This portal, ooh, how quaint, the locals call it a Hellmouth, is acting up. It's your job, Yusuke, to go and find out why."

"Fine. I'll do it. But only if /you/ think of a good excuse to give to Keiko when we get back!"

Botan squeaked, and began walking in the opposite direction that she had just come. Yusuke turned and jauntily followed her, trying to forget about the Keiko, who was most certainly going to slap him when he she saw him again. His face quickly blanched at the thought, but he recovered and chased after Botan.


It was a dark night on the California coast, but relatively tranquil at the moment. Except for Yusuke falling ten feet in the air and hitting the ground with an "Oof." Botan quickly followed in her corporeal form, in pants and a pink shirt instead of her kimono, landing on Yusuke's back.

Yusuke got up, letting Botan fall to the ground, and rubbed his back. "What the hell?! I thought you said that it wouldn't drop me!"

Botan sniffed delicately. "I never said that. Besides-"

Yusuke quickly put a hand over her mouth, urging her to be quiet. There was other people near them, in this..graveyard. "How typical," Yusuke thought to himself. He walked quietly to where the noise was coming from, and stopped when he saw the fight. He crouched down under a bush, pulling Botan along with him. He wasn't going to miss the opportunity to see a fight, even under these circumstances!

“Honestly, Yusuke! Is this really the time,” Botan asked Yusuke through clenched teeth.

Yusuke gave her a sharp glare before turning back to the fight.

A small blonde girl was fighting a man. No, wait, that wasn't a man. Yusuke could feel the energy coming off of him. It was a demon. But what of the girl? She obviously could put up a fight, and he watched, amazed, as she threw the demon onto a headstone. She made a triumphant last kick to his head, and then plunged a wooden stake she had fished out from her pocket deep into the demon's heart. He turned to dust.

"What the hell?" Yusuke whispered furiously to Botan.

The girl's head snapped in their direction, and she walked over to the convenient bush Yusuke and Botan had hid behind when he observed her. She obviously had better hearing than Yusuke assumed.

Yusuke stood up before she could get any farther, and dragged Botan up too, pulling her by the collar.

"Hey!" the girl shouted furiously, "what are you doing out here?"

Yusuke took the chance to size her up. She looked a few years older than him, maybe sixteen or seventeen, and rather tiny. She was pretty, he supposed, but he thought it looked like her hair might topple over her eyes. How could this puny girl have thrown and defeated that large demon?

"Oh, nothing really! We're just out for a midnight stroll, right Yusuke?" Botan elbowed Yusuke sharply.

He looked at the blonde girl, and threw all ideas of a logical plan out the window. "Actually, we're looking for a hellmouth."

Botan gave a shrill little gasp before turning to Yusuke and glaring at him sharply. "Hey, I figured I'd take the direct route." He shrugged his shoulders a bit, grinning like a madman.

"Oh. So you guys are looking for the Hellmouth? Well, that really explains everything, doesn't it! I mean, here I am, doing the vampire killing gig, and I find you guys, looking for the Hellmouth. Will someone please explain what is wrong with this citch, because I am sick of it already."

"Well if you don't want to help," Botan said angrily. "Then-"

Yusuke cut her off before she could continue, echoing the girl's words. "Vampire killing gig? What the hell are you talking about?"

The girl feigned disappointment. "Oh, come on, guys! You mean, don't you know the whole deal? I would have figured that's why you were here. I mean, the blue haired girl looks like a bit of a wimp, but why else would a demon try to talk to me unless to kill me? Well, besides Angel, and I don't really know if he counts anyways, because he's all disappeary hunky tortured vampire with a soul guy, and we usually don't do as such talking as sexual tension and other stuff. But I figured, hey, a guy asks me where the Hellmouth is, he must want to kill the slayer."

Yusuke was getting irritable now. "Does your rambling have a point?"

She looked a bit hurt. "Well, /I'm/ the Slayer."

Yusuke snorted. "Sounds scary. Little girls always need big names to strike fear into the hearts of demons everywhere?"

Botan quietly hissed his name and pulled out the manila envelope from her pocket. "I knew there was something Koenma forget to put in the report!"

"What did pacifier breath forget?"

The girl stood about three yards away, watching the conversation with interest. She was absentmindedly twirling another stake in her fingers.

"To tell us that the Slayer would be here," Botan cried with indignation.

"Gee," the girl cracked in with annoyance, "am I that forgettable?"

Yusuke pulled the envelope out of Botan's hands and threw it on the ground, stomping it with his shoe. "Stupid toddler! It figures that he'd do something like this!"

Botan turned and bowed to the girl. The girl gave a surprised look, unsure of what gesture to do in return, so she stood still. "We are very sorry. Aren't we Yusuke?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry that Koenma is an idiot. I'm Yusuke, and this is Botan-"

"His assistant!" she piped in. Yusuke gave an audible sigh.

The girl eyed the two people warily. "Are you evil?"

Botan smiled. "Not by the strictest sense of the term!"

"Well, then nice tomeecha. My name's Buffy."

Yusuke laughed. "What kind of name's Buffy?"

"What kind of name is Yusuke? I can't even spell it."

"Yusuke is a perfectly fine name! At least I don't sound like some sort of dog!"

"Do I need to even make a comment on your name?"

"Your name sounds like a poodle!"

"Really smart, gel head. C'mon, challenge the great mythological warrior! Are you a man?" She didn't wait for a response; instead she began walking towards a far end of the cemetery, where there was the slight outline of a gate. She turned around and glared in their direction. "Are you coming?"

Botan giggled. "I think I like her, Yusuke!"

Yusuke glared at her. "Oh, shut up, Botan."

How did he know that this day wouldn't end without some tiny girl harassing him to no end?

"Damn it!" He chased after Buffy, who was talking animatedly with Botan, the ferry girl already caught up and nearing the gate.

Girls. Honestly, there was no end.

The End?

You have reached the end of "What the Hell" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 1 Jul 03.

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